dollface07 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) he says that it is only temporary until the end of June...we've been together for 6 weeks he treats me well overall BUT he doesn't want to go public since he's concerned his academic adviser will discover he has a life outside of his doctoral studies... i obtained a second opinion and discovered that my current bf's doctoral mentor actually is NOT that involved in the personal lives of his students as he initially tried to lead me to believe to justify as to why we can't go public... because he treats me well I feel there's a chance I could fall for him by the end of June in which case if his temporary situation (secret rlshp until he defends his thesis) resolves itself there would be no problem BUT my instinct tells me that this is not going to be temporary and that actually he may just be buying time until he's comfortable and secure about me officially "falling" for him...as of now he likes me more than i like him... LS members like most of us on here i've already been though quite a bit of emotionally traumatic relationship experiences...I don't want to repeat any mistakes I've already done in my past and potentially get hurt if I can avoid doing so...would any of you please shed some objective light on the situation since i'm kinda emotionally involved at the moment? Thank you all so much! Df Edited April 11, 2012 by dollface07
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 he says that it is only temporary until the end of June...we've been together for 6 weeks he treats me well overall BUT he doesn't want to go public since he's concerned his academic adviser will discover he has a life outside of his doctoral studies... i obtained a second opinion and discovered that my current bf's doctoral mentor actually is NOT that involved in the personal lives of his students as he initially tried to lead me to believe to justify as to why we can't go public... because he treats me well I feel there's a chance I could fall for him by the end of June in which case if his temporary situation (secret rlshp until he defends his thesis) resolves itself there would be no problem BUT my instinct tells me that this is not going to be temporary and that actually he may just be buying time until he's comfortable and secure about me officially "falling" for him...as of now he likes me more than i like him... LS members like most of us on here i've already been though quite a bit of emotionally traumatic relationship experiences...I don't want to repeat any mistakes I've already done in my past and potentially get hurt if I can avoid doing so...would any of you please shed some objective light on the situation since i'm kinda emotionally involved at the moment? Thank you all so much! Df Don't be anyone's secret; he should be proud to show you off to the world. something's off here; hiding you until June? Very off.....Very odd.. 2
flitzanu Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 that means you're the other girl, and he's sleeping with someone else, probably a longterm girlfriend. 1
Author dollface07 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Thanks flitzanu you're probably correct b/c I am not sleeping with him at the moment so he has to be getting it somewhere!
flitzanu Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Thanks flitzanu you're probably correct b/c I am not sleeping with him at the moment so he has to be getting it somewhere! honestly, that's awesome. and i'd highly suggest NOT sleeping with him. only experience i've ever had (roles reversed) with girls wanting to keep me a secret has been because they're either a) involved with someone else and are not admitting it or b) were involved with someone else and not over them/working things out. be careful. 3
Author dollface07 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 okay so last night in my conversation with the "second opinion person" i spoke about earlier in this thread well in passing I told him perhaps my current BF wanted to keep things quiet about us being together so as to not make another girl jealous (who he's admitted likes him...since I asked him shortly after we started dating what was up with the two of them b/c at a prior party she wanted to dance with him on practically every song...btw i am just now realizing how juvenile this all sounds LOL since we're all in our late 20s haha) in any case just this evening she "randomly" added me as a friend on facebook and then proceeded to like 9 of my profile pics...so I am pretty sure my second opinion person voiced my concern to her and either she's 1) keeping her friends close and her fr-enemy closer with that gesture OR 2) as my humanitarian roomie thinks she's genuinely trying to befriend me...either way there's gonna be a bday party we'll all be attending this Friday so i'll update you all on the outcome of having him, myself and her all in one intimate gathering for the first time together. Since we're supposed to be secret he doesn't even know I was invited nor does he suspect that i'll be attending, he thinks I don't know that he'll be attending, and she's gonna be there so I'll be able to confirm all my suspicions then hopefully...
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 okay so last night in my conversation with the "second opinion person" i spoke about earlier in this thread well in passing I told him perhaps my current BF wanted to keep things quiet about us being together so as to not make another girl jealous (who he's admitted likes him...since I asked him shortly after we started dating what was up with them b/c at a prior party she wanted to dance with him on practically every song...btw i am just now realizing how juvenile this all sounds LOL since we're all in our late 20s haha) in any case just this evening she "randomly" added me as a friend on facebook and then proceeded to like 9 of my profile pics...so I am pretty sure my second opinion person voiced my concern to her and either she's 1) keeping her friends close and her fr-enemy closer with that gesture OR 2) as my humanitarian roomie thinks she's genuinely trying to befriend me...either way there's gonna be a bday party we'll all be attending this Friday so i'll update you all on the outcome of having him, myself and her all in one intimate gathering for the first time together. Since we're supposed to be secret he doesn't even know I was invited nor does he suspect that i'll be attending, he thinks I don't know that he'll be attending, and she's gonna be there so I'll be able to confirm all my suspicions then hopefully... if he was invited, why didn't he ask you to go with him? Something isn't right at all. This should make for an interesting party.if he acts standoffish to you, forget about him and move on. 1
Author dollface07 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Exactly BB...I like how you think <3 ! btw both this girl and I are Scorpios hahaha also im SO grateful to have this LS forum it helps so much with preemptively mitigating wholly avoidable and uecessary emotional pain/mental anguish...thank you all for taking the time to reply to me; I am grateful 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Exactly BB...I like how you think <3 ! btw both this girl and I are Scorpios hahaha also im SO grateful to have this LS forum it helps so much with preemptively mitigating wholly avoidable and uecessary emotional pain/mental anguish...thank you all for taking the time to reply to me; I am grateful I am also a Scorpio;) My recent ex was also very private. When I said I wanted to post our pictures on FB, he said "you do and you'll be sorry". Ouch. Now he has a new girl...he posted their pics on FB. Don't be some dude's option. You know you are a priority. Never underestimate a Scorp;)
Author dollface07 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Also, he wouldnt invite me b/c we're supposed to be SECRET to the academic community and his line of thinking is supposedly it will get back to his academic mentor that he has a personal life (he's a high achiever MIT biomedical engineering post-grad guy) I tend to fall for emotionally unavailable powerful men so THIS time he's totally emotionally available for me and as I said treats me so well BUT it's this secret thing that's putting a damper on things UGGH!
Author dollface07 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 you're recent ex seems totally mean btw and hypocritical good thing you are free to find a much better guy dear!
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Also, he wouldnt invite me b/c we're supposed to be SECRET to the academic community and his line of thinking is supposedly it will get back to his academic mentor that he has a personal life (he's a high achiever MIT biomedical engineering post-grad guy) I tend to fall for emotionally unavailable powerful men so THIS time he's totally emotionally available for me and as I said treats me so well BUT it's this secret thing that's putting a damper on things UGGH! So, people in the academic community are not allowed to date? Is it a monastery or something? What kind of mentor is this that doesn't allow people to have personal lives? And what business is it of his? Do his peers have to keep their lives mum, also? Something is wrong with this picture. I would show up with a date;)
Author dollface07 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 They totally are allowed to date this is not a conservative uni like my masters level program was but his mentor is some hella big wig in his field and considers my guy (okay not my guy my current bf of 6 weeks) like his golden MIT nugget of publications or something LOL....so while I totally agree with you it's not his business the mentor has a different opinion from you and I BB. Also, no his peers do NOT have to keep their lives mum which is where the inconstancy in his justification arises...remember i've only been with him for 6 weeks? Okay he's calling me right now and we are talking about general things he's poking around right now to gauge my level of concern...i asked him if he had any plans for the weekend and he said no and then asked me why do i ask LOL I am totally gonna show up with my roommate not a date i dont wanna give a reason for him to incriminate me as I am unblemished right now... 1
gaius Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) I am also a Scorpio;) My recent ex was also very private. When I said I wanted to post our pictures on FB, he said "you do and you'll be sorry". Ouch. Now he has a new girl...he posted their pics on FB. Ouch indeed! At least they aren't getting married. Find a new guy dollface, this won't end well. Edited April 12, 2012 by gaius 1
Author dollface07 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Ouch indeed! At least they aren't getting married. Find a new guy dollface, this won't end well. He and I negotiated the terms and conditions of the relationship. I told him if he prefers to keep it temporarily secret until June until after he defends at uni then he should not place any expectations to enter into a sexual relationship with me until well after we are public. (since the previous poster from Oklahoma advised me not to get physical in that way with him whatsoever) I thought he would never go for it but he said that he values what we have and that he agrees to these terms and conditions if this is what it will take to foster trust between us until June... I agree it may not end well but at least I am learning about trade-offs and interpersonal effectiveness in the process...also i'll maintain my own self-respect by keeping it more of a platonic love so waiting and seeing if his temporary issue resolves wont be so traumatic for me in this case if he doesn't actually resolve it in a couple of weeks...TBD
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