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I keep having dreams about her, SO tempted to break NC!


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Posted

I am on day 16 of NC. She sent me a "thinking of you" text on day 5, to which I did not respond - haven't heard from her since. I am really starting to trip out, I keep having dreams about us being back together, and then I wake up and realize I don't have her anymore - it's terrible.

 

I am so tempted to break NC. Some days I am strong, and feel as though I will never break, and other days I am totally weak and feel like breaking. She ended things with me so abruptly, we were both so emotional when she broke the news to me, I just feel like we ended on awkward terms and that for as close as we became, there should have been more closure.

 

I understand what NC is all about, but this girl was such a huge part of my life - I feel immature and childish for unfriending her from Facebook, not responding to her text, and just flat out ignoring her. I still have things I want to say, and I am sure she does too, but because I deleted her from Facebook, I think she feels that I hate her - which I don't...

 

How do I get over this?!

Posted

All you can do after a relationship ends is take care of yourself. Dreams happen, they pass. Breaking NC passes as well, but in many cases it takes away all of the progress you had made beforehand.

Posted

I know it happens, and I feel for you.

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to this thing. I broke up with my ex in Jan, and the first month was terrible. I couldn't sleep, and I used to wake up early in the morning. And, if I had a dream about her, my entire day was screwed.

Go out with friends, keep your mind away from her. It's tough, but believe me this will go away. Don't break NC. Would you feel happy if she sounds excited about meeting her new bf this weekend, while you're sitting and feeling miserable?

 

Don't break NC. It will help you heal.

 

All the best

Posted

I can relate to your feelings. I broke up almost 3 months ago and still dream about her often. In fact, last night she appeared in my dreams again. I always feel like **** when I wake up and I doubt she is dreaming of me. Almost 2 months on NC now and quite frankly, do not feel the urge to contact her anymore. Sometimes I do want to look her up on facebook though, just to see how she's doing, but I won't allow myself to do this. I just know I will be confronted with things I definately do not want to see.

Posted

Stay with NC, trust me more than likely anything that you do find out will more than likely set you back.

Posted

Congratulations to making it to Day 16, T-Mac! I am only on Day 3 (he broke up with me Friday night), and it has been an intense struggle. I feel the same fluctuations -- sometimes I feel like I've come to terms with the fact that it's really over, the rest of the time I miss him and I'm convinced we could make it work if he was only willing to try.

 

Your situation reminds me of that John Mayer song. "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part."

 

I'm struggling with that too. It's hard to go back to sleep because I'm plagued with all these painful thoughts and feelings. The breakup really messed up my sleep cycle:

 

FRIDAY (night of the breakup): couldn't sleep until 5:30AM, woke up at 7AM

SATURDAY: so exhausted that I slept from 8:30PM to 4AM

TONIGHT: fell asleep at 9PM, woke up at 12MN, can't go back to sleep and now I'm browsing these forums.

 

She ended things with me so abruptly, we were both so emotional when she broke the news to me, I just feel like we ended on awkward terms and that for as close as we became, there should have been more closure.

 

I feel exactly the same way, because my relationship ended exactly like that. We were deliriously happy with each other, up until the last day. And I feel like the emotions were so raw and intense at the time that he was acting on an impulse -- that maybe, if he took time to think things over, he'd come to the realization that we really could make things work. Or if we couldn't, I at least want more closure. It went from wonderful to dead in less than an hour.

 

I'm dying to call him and get answers, but I know I shouldn't. I wish NC wasn't so hard!

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Posted

Favoritepills - I really feel for you! This NC thing is no fun, and part of me feels that it's kind of childish and immature... I just don't know! Here is my current issue...

 

I've obviously been doing a lot of thinking. The day she ended things with me, she told me she would contact me in a few days to talk with cooler heads, and offer better closure, but it's day 21 of NC, and I feel I screwed my chances of ever hearing from her again by doing these 2 things...

 

1) I unfriended her from Facebook the night she dumped me.

2) On day 5 of NC, she sent me a text "thinking of you." I never replied...

 

I now feel that she thinks I hate her (which I don't) and part of me really wants to reach out to her just to let her know that I hold no grudges. I also feel that if I tell her "Look I enjoyed all the times we had, I think you're a great girl, but unless you're looking to give things another go, please don't contact me."

 

- At least so this way, I don't have to sit around wondering if she's going to call me or not. The whole point is just so she doesn't have a bad impression of me. What do you guys think?

Posted

Four YEARS after breaking up with my alcoholic Ex, I still have violent dreams about him.

 

Turns out - through mutual friends - that the dreams always coincide with the Ex going through DTs or suffering terribly in rehab or alcoholic poisoning in a hospital. Freaks me out that even though I'm in a new and very positive relationship, the Ex is still imbedded enough in my psyche as to reach out when he is in trouble and touch me in my dream state.

 

I'm not kidding... :(

Posted
Favoritepills - I really feel for you! This NC thing is no fun, and part of me feels that it's kind of childish and immature...

The less you think it's about getting back together with an ex, the more you realize NC is not immature, but truly is the fastest way for you to heal. It depends on how you're using NC, really. I recommend approaching it as a chance to improve yourself and get your life back. Worst case: she doesn't want to get back together, but that's okay, because you'll have healed and gotten over her by then. Best case: if you do get back together, you'll come to the relationship as a better boyfriend and a better person.

 

I feel I screwed my chances of ever hearing from her again by doing these 2 things...

 

1) I unfriended her from Facebook the night she dumped me.

2) On day 5 of NC, she sent me a text "thinking of you." I never replied...

 

I now feel that she thinks I hate her (which I don't) and part of me really wants to reach out to her just to let her know that I hold no grudges. I also feel that if I tell her "Look I enjoyed all the times we had, I think you're a great girl, but unless you're looking to give things another go, please don't contact me."

Hmm. Well, I don't think she would find the Facebook thing unreasonable -- she did just dump you after all. So I don't believe she'd read much into that. After our conversation cooled down a bit, I was honest with my ex about the fact that I would probably go to my office on Saturday just to take down his pictures and take away the stuffed toys, so that I wouldn't have to deal with it on Monday morning. It made him sad, but he couldn't blame me for doing that.

 

As for "Thinking of you..." I wish I could come up with a gentler way to say this, but basically, anything that isn't "I made a mistake and I'd give the world for you to give me a second chance" is simply breadcrumbs. She's probably just testing the waters to see if you still feel something for her, to soothe her own ego. I could be wrong, perhaps she was trying to see what her chances were of getting back with you, but if that's the case, she's not gonna give up just because you didn't respond.

 

You did the right thing by staying strong to the NC rule -- it gives her a chance to truly experience what her life is like without you in it. Maybe, just maybe, she'll realize it's a less wonderful life and she'll regret her decision. And if she doesn't, she's an idiot and doesn't deserve you anyway.

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