What is "BF material"?

[USMCHokie]

Bring some girls 'kay?

 

Meh, that's no fun...and I don't know any around here...

[Jane2011]

Only if he wasn't a Negative Nancy like he is on LS...I can sort of see his real life personality and behaviors being a reflection of his LS persona...and if someone from LS already associates him with that persona and attitude, it'll be a tough cookie to crack.

 

I just noticed his avatar. "Nice Guys Finish Last." He would need to not wear a t-shirt that said anything like that. He would need to also be charming and light-hearted about things.

 

similarly to what I addressed in my "Should I Create a New LS Username" thread...

 

Yes, he would need to re-invent himself. Act like he doesn't even know who somedude81 is.

 

But...he's also said that he's generally different in real life. I don't doubt that (to a degree). I think most people are a little harsher online, or even just neutral-y online, whereas they're more kind/congenial in person.

 

I've even had text/email exchanges with real life friends that seemed a little tense (if we were having a tense situation), but as soon as we talked on the phone, that "ah, you're human and nice and my awesome friend" feeling came about just from hearing their voice/inflection, etc.

 

You don't strike me as somebody who has ever struggled with men.

 

This is true. I've had enough positive reinforcement / positive external feedback such that my self-confidence is high.

 

In general, though, I've had a balanced dating/love life. Sometimes they hurt me, sometimes I hurt them. This helps me have a generally balanced perspective.

 

Don't forget that the majority of men don't actually care about breast size and some actually prefer them smaller. Plus your Asian, and it's kind of expected for Asian women to have smaller breasts.

 

They still prefer bigger breasts. And this means they're "settling" for me. At least, that's the case if I think the way you think about things.

Edited April 12, 2012 by Jane2011

[Jane2011]

somedude81, you should do the Vegas thing with LS guys. I bet you'd get together with a woman in Vegas.

 

It could be like the movie Swingers.

 

You're totally like Mikey anyway. "You're so money and you don't even know it."

 

(I think his name was Mikey; can't remember)

[bac]

And what are their needs?

 

A BF material has the potential to be a BF = a man who is for a serious LTR.

It is in the US.

In Europe, they often think that a BF is something like a FWB.

 

In other words, the man is capable of emotional, social and intellectual connection with a woman (to be a true friend). He also is expected to have sex with the girl and to be faithful.

 

Women have a lot of needs- to be respected, loved, helped, supported, .......

[zengirl]

Is it possible to be boyfriend material, but not fu*kable?

 

No, cause that makes you friend material.

 

Generally, yes, though I can consider a guy I'd never sleep with "general BF material." As in, telling a friend whose type he is more likely to be than mine, "This guy is total BF material. Do you think he's cute?" To me, BF material, in a GENERAL sense, is more about character. BF material isn't always saying (to me), "I'd date him," so much as it's saying, "He has the character of someone worth dating."

 

fwiw, there are many people my friends may find attractive that I might not and vice versa. So, I think "attractive to me" is an important phrase for girls. Learning not to care what other girls think is also important (and not always done quickly enough either). Most women I know don't have similar taste. We can maybe agree on a few men being attractive but most men we find attractive would be different from each others' tastes.

[Professor X]

Generally, yes, though I can consider a guy I'd never sleep with "general BF material." As in, telling a friend whose type he is more likely to be than mine...

The whole question was if YOU would see him as BF material and fu*kable, which you don't, and thus he'd be your friend and nothing more.

Your friend who you'd refer him to would see him as fu*kable and thus the equation would change, which makes it a whole new subject, but again, than it'd be relative to HER and not YOU.

 

So I don't quite get the "general BF material" - he isn't for you.

[zengirl]

The whole question was if YOU would see him as BF material and fu*kable, which you don't, and thus he'd be your friend and nothing more.

Your friend who you'd refer him to would see him as fu*kable and thus the equation would change, which makes it a whole new subject, but again, than it'd be relative to HER and not YOU.

 

So I don't quite get the "general BF material" - he isn't for you.

 

Because, to me, the term BF material is more often used in the "general" sense. If a guy is BF material FOR ME, then that would have to include his opinion of me, and he'd just be a BF (or hubby, like hubby is). To me, the phrase, "BF material" is more relating to the general quality and character of a man, outside of his attractiveness, but with the caveat that I can imagine someone (often someone I know) finding him attractive.

 

i.e. I often use the phrase, "That guy is BF material, and would be great for K (or insert other single friend(who is GF material)'s name here)"

 

I wouldn't date any of my female friends EVER (don't swing that way), but I can separate which are GF material and which are not. It's more about character than attractiveness.

[Negative Nancy]

That's not exactly denying it Jane.

 

Of course the true point of my previous post was that a guy can have all the requirements for being BF material, but if he isn't tall and good looking, tough luck.

 

yes somedude, let's not pretend that we all don't know about your own shallow preferences for women with big tits.

[Els]

The whole question was if YOU would see him as BF material and fu*kable, which you don't, and thus he'd be your friend and nothing more.

Your friend who you'd refer him to would see him as fu*kable and thus the equation would change, which makes it a whole new subject, but again, than it'd be relative to HER and not YOU.

 

So I don't quite get the "general BF material" - he isn't for you.

 

Just throwing a wild hunch out there, but I think I get what she means - and you. There are two types of appraisal, IMO - the subjective and objective. I pride myself in being mostly able to gauge a person's qualities in both ways. For example, there are people whom you know will be pretty popular amongst the opposite sex and are more likely to succeed in maintaining a good LTR, and people whom you know aren't. That doesn't mean that you're necessarily personally attracted to the former.

 

I know some of you out there (yep, I see you!) are going to take my post to magically mean that short guys don't get laid, but I hate to burst your bubble - it isn't about that at all. Plenty of women are proud and happy to be in sexual relationships with the guy whom they also personally consider to be 'bf material' - and yes, I actually do know several very short and not terribly handsome men who have had no problems getting Rs. The shortest amongst them is 5'2" and a veritable dynamite.

[KR10N]

Well, not really. I had already been a musician since 3 years old and have always been a pianist. So playing an instrument didn't actually make me feel like a good looking guy. Finally putting myself in some kind of spotlight was actually what made me look at myself differently. One day I looked in the mirror and I was a different guy. I wasn't ugly no more, I was actually a good looking guy. I looked happier, more poised, more sure of myself. While I'm not quite back up to that stage yet, I feel more sure about my looks than I ever did before.

 

It's going to be harder for somedude though, so I feel for him. He doesn't really think he can conjure that positive reinforcement from within in the same way that I did myself. So he will keep looking for some woman out there to do it for him. The realization will come to him fairly soon though

That was actually a joke.

[ThaWholigan]

That was actually a joke.

I'm autistic....occasionally I will take **** at face value .

[KR10N]

I'm autistic....occasionally I will take **** at face value .

lol. Wasn't expecting that.

[Professor X]

Just throwing a wild hunch out there, but I think I get what she means - and you. There are two types of appraisal, IMO - the subjective and objective. I pride myself in being mostly able to gauge a person's qualities in both ways. For example, there are people whom you know will be pretty popular amongst the opposite sex and are more likely to succeed in maintaining a good LTR, and people whom you know aren't. That doesn't mean that you're necessarily personally attracted to the former.

 

I know some of you out there (yep, I see you!) are going to take my post to magically mean that short guys don't get laid, but I hate to burst your bubble - it isn't about that at all. Plenty of women are proud and happy to be in sexual relationships with the guy whom they also personally consider to be 'bf material' - and yes, I actually do know several very short and not terribly handsome men who have had no problems getting Rs. The shortest amongst them is 5'2" and a veritable dynamite.

Again, the original question was 100% subjective. Would you find someone to be BF material and yet not fu*kable? For you and for you alone. Not friends or family, just for you.

Could you look at someone and say "yes, he has the BF material qualities I am looking for, but I'd never fu*k him" - and somehow make him more than just "friend material" as I stated earlier?

 

Again, all subjective.

[Professor X]

Because, to me, the term BF material is more often used in the "general" sense. If a guy is BF material FOR ME, then that would have to include his opinion of me, and he'd just be a BF (or hubby, like hubby is). To me, the phrase, "BF material" is more relating to the general quality and character of a man, outside of his attractiveness, but with the caveat that I can imagine someone (often someone I know) finding him attractive.

 

i.e. I often use the phrase, "That guy is BF material, and would be great for K (or insert other single friend(who is GF material)'s name here)"

 

I wouldn't date any of my female friends EVER (don't swing that way), but I can separate which are GF material and which are not. It's more about character than attractiveness.

 

He was asking about BF material AND fu*kable, could you really see someone as such? Or, as I said, he'd just be a friend?

i.e. I often use the phrase, "That guy is BF material, and would be great for K (or insert other single friend(who is GF material)'s name here)"

Question was subjective to begin with or it'd be moot. So with all due respect, the answer does not care about K or N or whatnot.

[Professor X]

I know some of you out there (yep, I see you!) are going to take my post to magically mean that short guys don't get laid, but I hate to burst your bubble - it isn't about that at all. Plenty of women are proud and happy to be in sexual relationships with the guy whom they also personally consider to be 'bf material' - and yes, I actually do know several very short and not terribly handsome men who have had no problems getting Rs. The shortest amongst them is 5'2" and a veritable dynamite.

 

I just wanted to say, kinda off-topic, but I never thought that 5'2 don't get laid, but I do promise you that unless they are rich or something like that, they worked really hard to get a RS.

 

You could make a poll and ask the ladies here how many of them actually been in a RS (and I don't mean a date) with guys under 5'6, you'd be surprised.

 

Not impossible, just a lot harder - to each his own, so that question, in test of reality, is moot.

[somedude81]

Again, the original question was 100% subjective. Would you find someone to be BF material and yet not fu*kable? For you and for you alone. Not friends or family, just for you.

Could you look at someone and say "yes, he has the BF material qualities I am looking for, but I'd never fu*k him" - and somehow make him more than just "friend material" as I stated earlier?

 

Again, all subjective.

That's exactly what I meant.

[Els]

Again, the original question was 100% subjective. Would you find someone to be BF material and yet not fu*kable?

 

Again, all subjective.

 

Personally, certainly not. If I personally find that a guy has all the qualities that make him subjective BF material to ME, and not just the majority of women out there, I definitely want him.

 

My point was really that the word could be used in a subjective or objective manner.

 

Well, the 5'2" guy was in an Asian country, but even then, he is a few inches below the average Asian guy, which is about 5'6" or so. His girlfriends were mostly taller than him. I really don't think he was working very hard to get/keep a gf, IMO. He has a suave magnetism to him, but he is also the party sort of guy, and his last relationship ended because he wasn't putting enough effort in it to satisfy the LTR needs of his partner, and spending more time with his friends than with her.

Edited April 13, 2012 by Elswyth

[zengirl]

He was asking about BF material AND fu*kable, could you really see someone as such? Or, as I said, he'd just be a friend?

 

Question was subjective to begin with or it'd be moot. So with all due respect, the answer does not care about K or N or whatnot.

 

Huh? My point is the term, IME, is rarely used for yourself (if you think a guy is BF material for you, you just date him, you don't talk about him). It's a term primarily for recognizing when someone is attractive to others and has the character worthy of dating others, generally friends or acquaintances. OR it's used for ruling out guys, both for yourself and others, as "He's not BF material," which does not mean he's not attractive. Many men are attractive but not BF material, due to character failings. Some men are neither attractive, nor BF material.

[Els]

Huh? My point is the term, IME, is rarely used for yourself (if you think a guy is BF material for you, you just date him, you don't talk about him).

 

Yup, precisely.

 

I'm sure there ARE girls who separate guys into these two categories, but it really makes them sound immature and not the sort of girl one should be terribly enthusiastic about entering into a LTR with anyway.

[somedude81]

Any more input on what actually makes a guy BF material?

 

And I'm talking about for you, not what other girls want.

[Professor X]

Huh? My point is the term, IME, is rarely used for yourself (if you think a guy is BF material for you, you just date him, you don't talk about him). It's a term primarily for recognizing when someone is attractive to others and has the character worthy of dating others, generally friends or acquaintances. OR it's used for ruling out guys, both for yourself and others, as "He's not BF material," which does not mean he's not attractive. Many men are attractive but not BF material, due to character failings. Some men are neither attractive, nor BF material.

 

Zengirl, there was a specific question, if you can't answer it as it was asked, than just don't. He is looking for a subjective answer, I don't see a reason why you force your answer in.

[Els]

Any more input on what actually makes a guy BF material?

 

And I'm talking about for you, not what other girls want.

 

That would take a looooooooooooooot more time to explain than I'm currently able to invest in one post. Is there any reason you're asking, or any part of the answer that might help you?

[zengirl]

Zengirl, there was a specific question, if you can't answer it as it was asked, than just don't. He is looking for a subjective answer, I don't see a reason why you force your answer in.

 

I am answering the specific OP as asked! That is what BF material is -- BF material is a purely hypothetical concept that is somewhat subjective but much more objective than the limits of who one girl would date. A guy being BF material, in general, which is usually how the phrase is used has little to do with that woman wanting to be in a relationship with, or sleep with, that man. If we're going to use specific language women use, it would behoove men -- especially inexperienced men -- to understand it, no?

 

Some girl could easily call a guy BF material, not find him attractive to her tastes (though generally speaking he wouldn't be ugly in general -- she'd have to imagine someone being attracted to him), not want to date him, and that would not seem odd at ALL to me or most women I know. That's crucial to understanding what BF material is, IMO.

 

Any more input on what actually makes a guy BF material?

 

And I'm talking about for you, not what other girls want.

 

There is no such thing as BF material for me and never was. I would've never used that phrase in such a way as to mean someone would be a guy I'd pursue for a BF, unless another girl asked me about a guy I was dating, "Is he BF material?" and even then it wouldn't mean, "Is he a guy you want to be your BF?" It would be a question about his character, mindset towards LTRs, and so forth. The answer to that question could easily be, "Yes, definitely, but I'm not sure if I want to go out with him again. We don't really gel." In that case, he is BF material, but he is not someone I'm interested in. The two ideas were always separated -- not to say they couldn't converge in one guy and every guy who was considered for a LTR had to be BF material, but that didn't mean he was BF material in the way YOU mean.

 

As to guys I wanted to date for LTRs: They had to be BF material, they had to be attractive, we had to have chemistry, they had to be someone I could imagine falling in love with and had already started falling in love with at least a little bit before we were exclusive, and the relationship had to be one full of kindness, laughter, friendship, and passion. I stopped looking for traits in men and started looking for traits in the relationship before I met hubby, but I would say the traits of men I'd date (every girl is different in this respect) remained relatively similar: intelligent, stable job, college degree, funny, sweet/kind (to everyone - not just girls he was dating), had a circle of close friends that included male and female friends, handsome (to me)*, and ambitious/extremely passionate about something. But that list doesn't help anyone understand the concept of BF material, because it's not what BF material is about.

 

*As to what handsome, to me, means -- it's hard to define; you just know it when you see it. Hubby and the exBF that preceded him, for instance, look nothing alike and have no features in common. At all.

[somedude81]

That would take a looooooooooooooot more time to explain than I'm currently able to invest in one post. Is there any reason you're asking, or any part of the answer that might help you?

Just curious.

 

And I'm even more interested that you said it would take a lot more time to explain. And then zengirl said.

 

There is no such thing as BF material for me and never was. I would've never used that phrase in such a way as to mean someone would be a guy I'd pursue for a BF,

The term obviously means different things to different people.

 

As to guys I wanted to date for LTRs: They had to be BF material, they had to be attractive, we had to have chemistry, they had to be someone I could imagine falling in love with and had already started falling in love with at least a little bit before we were exclusive, and the relationship had to be one full of kindness, laughter, friendship, and passion.

Um, you just said there was no such thing as BF material for you and there never was

[zengirl]

Um, you just said there was no such thing as BF material for you and there never was

 

No, I said I wouldn't refer to the guy as someone who was BF material in actual conversation. The point is that if you hear the term in RL, it is beneficial to understand when/why women say it.