USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 It stems from his own belief that all the girls he meets do not think he is good looking, however true or false that may be. I understand it, I thought I was ugly for years, it wasn't until I went to university and joined a band that I started to look at myself differently. Yep, and that thought often stems from the external feedback, or lack of feedback, that one receives... 2
ThaWholigan Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Yeah, because everyone knows that playing an instrument maxes out your sex appeal. Why do you think I gave up the piano? Well, not really. I had already been a musician since 3 years old and have always been a pianist. So playing an instrument didn't actually make me feel like a good looking guy. Finally putting myself in some kind of spotlight was actually what made me look at myself differently. One day I looked in the mirror and I was a different guy. I wasn't ugly no more, I was actually a good looking guy. I looked happier, more poised, more sure of myself. While I'm not quite back up to that stage yet, I feel more sure about my looks than I ever did before. It's going to be harder for somedude though, so I feel for him. He doesn't really think he can conjure that positive reinforcement from within in the same way that I did myself. So he will keep looking for some woman out there to do it for him. The realization will come to him fairly soon though 1
Jane2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I understand it, I thought I was ugly for years, it wasn't until I went to university and joined a band that I started to look at myself differently. Good to hear you have some confidence. One needs that.
Jane2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 somedude81, you should post some pics of yourself on this board or in an album. It's possible the women on this board would find you a lot more attractive than you think yourself to be. That might then provide you with some positive external feedback.
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 somedude81, you should post some pics of yourself on this board or in an album. It's possible the women on this board would find you a lot more attractive than you think yourself to be. That might then provide you with some positive external feedback. To be perfectly honest, based on what I've read on LS, SD won't have "confidence" until he's having sex with women...regularly... 1
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Well, yeah. Alright then. So this Saturday. I'll pick you up. --------------------- The thing is, so many women on this board have said that they won't date a guy who was the same height as her, in three inch heels. The only thing that matters to me is that I have yet to meet a woman who was willing to date me. And I have very strong suspicions that if I were at least 5'10, I would have had a GF by now. That's exactly how many women feel toward men they like / are attracted to. If a woman is with a guy, she doesn't care how other people see him. All that matters to her is that she is attracted to him. You're just hung up on the phrase "good looking to them" as if that wording somehow makes women feeling the exact way you do...wrong. Again, not really. Female friends of mine have had boyfriends who I thought were not attractive at all, or just right at average -- people I wouldn't want to date, people who I would actually describe as 'unattractive' -- yet my friends were quite into them. I've also liked men who female friends have wrinkled their noses at. I'm surprised you can't imagine this. It's true. Yeah that is surprising. somedude81, you should post some pics of yourself on this board or in an album. It's possible the women on this board would find you a lot more attractive than you think yourself to be. That might then provide you with some positive external feedback. I've already done that and a few girls said I was cute/good looking etc. A couple even said they'd do me. But since I haven't dated or done anybody on this forum, I take their comments as a grain of salt.
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 To be perfectly honest, based on what I've read on LS, SD won't have "confidence" until he's having sex with women...regularly... Exactly. I don't see any other way to get confidence.
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 somedude81, you should post some pics of yourself on this board or in an album. It's possible the women on this board would find you a lot more attractive than you think yourself to be. That might then provide you with some positive external feedback. It is going to take more than external feedback. While it helps, if you don't have the belief ingrained, then it won't transpire into anything else. In fact, I'll give you something that will help change the mindset. Here's some lines for you to say to yourself at least once everyday: I am an attractive male. Women find me attractive. Women love being around me! They enjoy being in my company, and I in theirs. I feel comfortable around women. Women enjoy being around me because of the fun I bring. It's endless! I understand that a lot of different women, means a lot of different tastes. So I don't get held up on the ones who don't like me, I only focus on the ones who do. I'm growing more attractive by the day! I see it in me, and others see it in me. I take responsibility for all the results in my life. I know I'm the master of my fate. I create my own path. I create my own results. Today is a great day to be alive! I look great, feel great, and everyday is an adventure! ------------------------------------------------- Belief -> Attitude -> Feelings -> Actions -> Results Try that for a few weeks. It's going to sound stupid at first, but over time, I bet you'll start to look at things differently.
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Exactly. I don't see any other way to get confidence. It makes sense that one gets dating "confidence," or at least begins to get some sort of dating confidence, from success in dating. However, there are other areas in which you can have confidence which make you "boyfriend material." Do you have any other areas of your life (e.g., education, career, hobbies/interests, etc.) that you do receive "quality" positive feedback?
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 It is going to take more than external feedback. While it helps, if you don't have the belief ingrained, then it won't transpire into anything else. In fact, I'll give you something that will help change the mindset. I'd prefer some internal feedback if you know what I mean ------ BTW, I've already tried the affirmations and CBT stuff that you wrote about. It makes sense that one gets dating "confidence," or at least begins to get some sort of dating confidence, from success in dating. However, there are other areas in which you can have confidence which make you "boyfriend material." Do you have any other areas of your life (e.g., education, career, hobbies/interests, etc.) that you do receive "quality" positive feedback? Right now, I'm basing all my confidence on if I can get a girl or not. It just happened that way. But parts of my confidence come from other accomplishments or lack thereof. Not doing so hot in college isn't helping. And that's mainly caused by my being depressed and unable to focus.
Jane2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 To be perfectly honest, based on what I've read on LS, SD won't have "confidence" until he's having sex with women...regularly... In all fairness, yes, I see how that makes sense. I considered myself attractive between ages 16 and 19, but I don't think I really grew into sexual and general looks confidence until age 20 when I started getting boyfriends regularly and having sex with them. Still, sd81,I think it should count for something if women are saying "I'd do you." They don't have to say that. To fulfill basic politeness, all they have to say is "you're cute enough to find somebody."
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 It is going to take more than external feedback. While it helps, if you don't have the belief ingrained, then it won't transpire into anything else. In fact, I'll give you something that will help change the mindset. ..... ------------------------------------------------- Belief -> Attitude -> Feelings -> Actions -> Results Try that for a few weeks. It's going to sound stupid at first, but over time, I bet you'll start to look at things differently. This technique is more effective (or effective at all) if the person has actually had an experience where that belief held true. Then it simply becomes an exercise in drawing from that previous experience and convincing yourself that the current belief is false. SD has had relations in the past, but he might be so far in the deep end that it'd be extremely difficult to draw from those past experiences...which is why I would never recommend this sort of exercise to a "30 year old virgin"...it'd be a complete waste of time...like trying to draw your name out of a hat of blank pieces of paper.... 1
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Still, sd81,I think it should count for something if women are saying "I'd do you." They don't have to say that. To fulfill basic politeness, all they have to say is "you're cute enough to find somebody." I would normally agree with this here, but LS is a strange beast...and I can understand and empathize with SD on how unconvincing mere words on LS can be...because you have a handful of threads (i.e., any thread that SD posts in that turns into a thread about him... :laugh:) where the women of LS might say that "there's nothing wrong with him," or "he's cute," or "[i'd] date him," etc. On the other hand, you have about 5 billion threads about women wanting tall men, men with giant schlongs, men with PhDs, and the list goes on. It can be difficult to reconcile these conflicting statements, especially if they come from the same people. Bottom line, LS can be both a blessing and a curse. I can see how it can seriously f*** people's minds up... 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 This technique is more effective (or effective at all) if the person has actually had an experience where that belief held true. Then it simply becomes an exercise in drawing from that previous experience and convincing yourself that the current belief is false. SD has had relations in the past, but he might be so far in the deep end that it'd be extremely difficult to draw from those past experiences...which is why I would never recommend this sort of exercise to a "30 year old virgin"...it'd be a complete waste of time...like trying to draw your name out of a hat of blank pieces of paper.... Well, then what is it going to take to reverse this rut? If he doesn't believe in himself, then nothing will change because he won't take the actions to do so. You might as well tell him he's ******. However, I don't believe he is.
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Well, then what is it going to take to reverse this rut? If he doesn't believe in himself, then nothing will change because he won't take the actions to do so. You might as well tell him he's ******. However, I don't believe he is. Vegas + bros. Or just some bros. Or just Vegas. He really just needs a catalyst to get out of his shell, and perhaps just one opportunity to get some which would ideally jump start this mythical "confidence"... 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Vegas + bros. Or just some bros. Or just Vegas. He really just needs a catalyst to get out of his shell, and perhaps just one opportunity to get some which would ideally jump start this mythical "confidence"... I still vote we meet with Dust in Florida. 1
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 In all fairness, yes, I see how that makes sense. I considered myself attractive between ages 16 and 19, but I don't think I really grew into sexual and general looks confidence until age 20 when I started getting boyfriends regularly and having sex with them. That's pretty much what I'm talking about. I just don't feel like a man at all. Still, sd81,I think it should count for something if women are saying "I'd do you." They don't have to say that. To fulfill basic politeness, all they have to say is "you're cute enough to find somebody." I would normally agree with this here, but LS is a strange beast...and I can understand and empathize with SD on how unconvincing mere words on LS can be...because you have a handful of threads (i.e., any thread that SD posts in that turns into a thread about him... :laugh:) where the women of LS might say that "there's nothing wrong with him," or "he's cute," or "[i'd] date him," etc. Words are easy and have no real meaning. It's like if you were looking for a job and a friend of yours who is HR at a company in a different state said that he would hire you. Does that actually help you? And of course, I'm betting that 99.9% of the women who have said they do me, would back out if the situation actually presented itself. Talk is cheap, show me the beaver. On the other hand, you have about 5 billion threads about women wanting tall men, men with giant schlongs, men with PhDs, and the list goes on. It can be difficult to reconcile these conflicting statements, especially if they come from the same people. Bottom line, LS can be both a blessing and a curse. I can see how it can seriously f*** people's minds up... Yeah, those threads do a great job of f-ing my confidence. And Jane, you've had a part in that as well. Do you have any idea how much it sucks having a girl who is shorter than me, actually say that she prefers guys 4 inches taller than me. So who the hell actually prefers short guys? F-ing nobody, that's who! It's great knowing that what ever girl I end up with is going to feel that she settled for me. Whoop de f-ing do. 1
Jane2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 That's pretty much what I'm talking about. I just don't feel like a man at all. Words are easy and have no real meaning. It's like if you were looking for a job and a friend of yours who is HR at a company in a different state said that he would hire you. Does that actually help you? And of course, I'm betting that 99.9% of the women who have said they do me, would back out if the situation actually presented itself. Talk is cheap, show me the beaver. Yeah, those threads do a great job of f-ing my confidence. And Jane, you've had a part in that as well. Do you have any idea how much it sucks having a girl who is shorter than me, actually say that she prefers guys 4 inches taller than me. So who the hell actually prefers short guys? F-ing nobody, that's who! It's great knowing that what ever girl I end up with is going to feel that she settled for me. Whoop de f-ing do. You're not going to make me repeat every last thing I said in that "SHORT" thread from a few weeks ago. Whole-person-wise, a guy 5'11" does not have an edge over a guy who is 5'6". I'm not saying all that junk again. You read it all. You have a brain and understand it. You know what's ironic? I actually picture you kind of good-looking. I picture you white, 5'6, with curly, dirty blond hair, and cute. I could be off, and I don't really care to see what you look like. I like the facelessness of everyone here. I'm just saying...I bet you're kind of good-looking; you just think you're not. Also, a guy often prefers a woman with bigger breasts than I have, but I'm not going to get mad at him for that, nor am I going to think he "settled" for me if he likes me. Stop thinking of some woman as settling for you. What if she preferred brown hair (and you had blond) but dated you anyway? You wouldn't think of her as "settling" for you, would you? You're just really uptight about your height when there's no reason to be.
Jane2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Words are easy and have no real meaning. It's like if you were looking for a job and a friend of yours who is HR at a company in a different state said that he would hire you. Does that actually help you? And of course, I'm betting that 99.9% of the women who have said they do me, would back out if the situation actually presented itself. Talk is cheap, show me the beaver. Also, you don't know that that's true. That's just your perpetual negative thinking talking. The reason why none of the women who said what they said are actually backing it up with action is because, likely, none of them live near you. Plus they just might not be into cultivating long-distance online associations. It's normal not to, in fact. If one of those women who said that actually lived near you, hung out with you a few times, you never know, she might actually sleep with you.
Jane2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Plus you're so angry at women on this board. The women who think you're kinda decent looking and "do-able" are probably freaked out by you being as angry about things as you are.
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 You're not going to make me repeat every last thing I said in that "SHORT" thread from a few weeks ago. Whole-person-wise, a guy 5'11" does not have an edge over a guy who is 5'6". I'm not saying all that junk again. You read it all. You have a brain and understand it. I remember it differently but I'm not going to argue further. I'm just not feeling good tonight. You know what's ironic? I actually picture you kind of good-looking. I picture you white, 5'6, with curly, dirty blond hair, and cute. I could be off, and I don't really care to see what you look like. I like the facelessness of everyone here. I'm just saying...I bet you're kind of good-looking; you just think you're not. Eh, I think I'm kind of good looking depending on how my hair is that day. It's brown, but you got the curly part kind of right when I let it get long. But the problem is, if I showed you a pic and you said I was the most manliest man you ever did see, it wouldn't actually do anything for me. It would have to come from a woman I knew in real life, and then she'd have to show it to me with her actions. Also, a guy often prefers a woman with bigger breasts than I have, but I'm not going to get mad at him for that, nor am I going to think he "settled" for me if he likes me. You don't strike me as somebody who has ever struggled with men. Don't forget that the majority of men don't actually care about breast size and some actually prefer them smaller. Plus your Asian, and it's kind of expected for Asian women to have smaller breasts. Height is completely different. You're just really uptight about your height when there's no reason to be. I've heard way too many accounts of women saying they prefer taller and others saying that they don't want to date men below a certain height to not be uptight about my height. And then don't forget, that I'm a 30 year old, 5'6 guy, who has never had a girlfriend. Aside from the height, I don't have any obvious reasons to explain me having such hard luck with women. Plus you're so angry at women on this board. The women who think you're kinda decent looking and "do-able" are probably freaked out by you being as angry about things as you are. The board is my one and only place to vent. And even then, I'm not angry and depressed 100% of the time on here.
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 If one of those women who said that actually lived near you, hung out with you a few times, you never know, she might actually sleep with you. Only if he wasn't a Negative Nancy like he is on LS...I can sort of see his real life personality and behaviors being a reflection of his LS persona...and if someone from LS already associates him with that persona and attitude, it'll be a tough cookie to crack...similarly to what I addressed in my "Should I Create a New LS Username" thread...
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Only if he wasn't a Negative Nancy like he is on LS...I can sort of see his real life personality and behaviors being a reflection of his LS persona...and if someone from LS already associates him with that persona and attitude, it'll be a tough cookie to crack...similarly to what I addressed in my "Should I Create a New LS Username" thread... I'm actually quite differeing in real life than on this forum. And me when I'm around girls and girls who actually like me, hello! No, this forum is just me at my lowest.
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I'm actually quite differeing in real life than on this forum. And me when I'm around girls and girls who actually like me, hello! No, this forum is just me at my lowest. Which is all the reason for you to get your ass to Vegas so I can witness this firsthand and report back to LS... Or hell, I'll come to LA... 1
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Which is all the reason for you to get your ass to Vegas so I can witness this firsthand and report back to LS... Or hell, I'll come to LA... Bring some girls 'kay?
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