sypoy Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Not that much related to my other post, but I'm really wondering. Please only give an educated answer & not your own opinion or your experience with girls or some common knowledge. Thanks
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Someone whom meets your needs and you meet the needs of. What are your needs from a partner right now? If you're not wanting something serious a boyfriend can be more lax and aloof than if you are looking for someone to marry soon.
NeverDated Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Please only give an educated answer & not your own opinion or your experience with girls or some common knowledge. Thanks Are you planning on doing a self-remodel to become "boyfriend material"? There is no answer to this question. Every man is boyfriend material to the right woman. Common denominators for [most] non-insane women: secure in his person, no major psychological disorders, preferably fertile, a forward-moving life plan that involves (or at least has room for) a LTR, a personality beyond that of a tree stump.
somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Something I've realized, is that boyfriend material is not the same as sex material. Also for some women, they may not be looking for BF material and just want to get down. If they see you as BF material, they won't hook up.
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Well thanks, to clarify, I'm a boy. Well then do the opposite. Be yourself and find someone who meets your needs and whom you can meet their needs.
Author sypoy Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Well then do the opposite. Be yourself and find someone who meets your needs and whom you can meet their needs. And what are their needs?
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 And what are their needs? You can't group people, each is an individual. Dating is simply finding someone you match up well with. All you can do in life is be yourself. Find someone who matches up well with you when you are just being yourself. That's the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. If you try to be something else you will not find happiness that way. If you find someone you match up with, then try to make a relationship out of it. If the person doesn't match up with you, then cut ties and try again. Don't overthink it, just be who you are.
dasein Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 "BF material" is almost always a negative qualifier, very rarely a positive qualifier. For example "he's cute, but not BF material." It is also used to describe someone a woman would have sex with but not date, "I'd f him, but he's not BF material." So what does it mean generally? IME it runs along two axes, materialistic/social factors and supplicating factors. If you have a good job, wealthy, stable financially, socially acceptable, you are more likely BF material on that axis. If you are easily "manageable" "manipulable," the type who sticks their nose up women's asses like a puppy for approval, then yes, more likely to be BF material on the supplicating axis. No idea what the balance of "materialism/social" + "supplicating" is for any individual woman to qualify as "BF material" though. It's the kind of obnoxious term that women feel privileged to use despite not appreciating it when similar terms are used to categorize or objectify them. We aren't women, though, so we generally don't make a big stink or "thenthitivity" event over it. 2
Jane2011 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 There are a lot of things that make one "boyfriend material" that you don't necessarily know right off the bat, but at the outset, the things that, to me, make a guy boyfriend material is that he is a good conversationalist about a variety of things (and that doesn't necessarily mean highly intellectual things, although can include some of that; just means he knows how to relate to me and to other people in a normal, congenial way and say some intelligent things here and there). He's also boyfriend material if he's attractive and clean, and is, himself, looking for a relationship. I guess I would add that I consider him boyfriend material if he seems to socialize with the same type of people as I do (we're somewhat "in the same world") and has some interests, hobbies, and activities that coincide with my own.
Pierre Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 If you are a dad and you have a daughter who is dating: 1. A guy that is going to college, or is educated. 2. Holds a job. 3. Is not a drunk or drug user. 4. Is a gentleman with both men and women. 5. Comes from a good family. 6. Treats women with respect. 7. Not under the care of a psychiatrist. 3
somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 There are a lot of things that make one "boyfriend material" that you don't necessarily know right off the bat, but at the outset, the things that, to me, make a guy boyfriend material is that he is a good conversationalist about a variety of things (and that doesn't necessarily mean highly intellectual things, although can include some of that; just means he knows how to relate to me and to other people in a normal, congenial way and say some intelligent things here and there). He's also boyfriend material if he's attractive and clean, and is, himself, looking for a relationship. I guess I would add that I consider him boyfriend material if he seems to socialize with the same type of people as I do (we're somewhat "in the same world") and has some interests, hobbies, and activities that coincide with my own. Are you sure you didn't forget that he has to be good looking at and at least 5'11?
zengirl Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 BF material is generally: (1) A guy who is interested in LTRs, (2) A guy who has whatever traits that woman finds desirable, (3) A guy who has had successful LTRs and/or appears to have the traits and skill necessary for that. 2 is a MASSIVE variable and can include anything and everything, depending on the woman. #1 and #3 seem to follow the label, IME. Guys I know who are, in general, considered BF material by a wide range of women (i.e. "He's BF material, but not for me") are guys who meet 1 and 3 and have a range of positive aspects, even if they might not be compatible with the girl in question for some reason.
Jane2011 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Are you sure you didn't forget that he has to be good looking at and at least 5'11? He has to be good-looking to me. He doesn't have to be 5'11". It's pretty cool when he is 5'10" or 5'11" though.
somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 He has to be good-looking to me. He doesn't have to be 5'11". It's pretty cool when he is 5'10" or 5'11" though. That's not exactly denying it Jane. And I'd say there is about and 80% chance that somebody who is good looking to you would be good looking to other women. And yet, I keep hearing women trying to defend themselves almost as if saying wanting a guy who is good looking to them, is some form of higher taste. Of course the true point of my previous post was that a guy can have all the requirements for being BF material, but if he isn't tall and good looking, tough luck. While a guy who is tall and good looking, but missing the BF material, he'd be a fu*k buddy.
Jane2011 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 That's not exactly denying it Jane. I wasn't trying to deny anything. I keep saying to you that 5'10" or 5'11" is a more appealing height to me than shorter. There's nothing to deny. I admit that that's what I think. And I'd say there is about and 80% chance that somebody who is good looking to you would be good looking to other women. And yet, I keep hearing women trying to defend themselves almost as if saying wanting a guy who is good looking to them, is some form of higher taste. I wouldn't be so sure that what's good looking to one woman is good-looking to other women. I actually asked a friend of mine what she thought of the guy I was dating, and she said, "Well, he doesn't do it for me, but he's not bad..." Other female friends and I differ vastly on what we find attractive as well. Of course the true point of my previous post was that a guy can have all the requirements for being BF material, but if he isn't tall and good looking, tough luck. While a guy who is tall and good looking, but missing the BF material, he'd be a fu*k buddy. That's not true. Women like men who aren't tall all the time.
Author sypoy Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 That's not true. Women like men who aren't tall all the time. What about gooood looking?
Jane2011 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 What about gooood looking? Women also very often like guys who aren't good looking to other women but who are good looking to them. It's common. 1
Meg717 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I agree with what everyone else has said. I just want to add that for me, I also like a man who has a good sense of humor. As long as I can laugh and be friends with my bf than I'll be happy. Obviously I want to be with someone who wants to get married and have kids and at my age, that is a non-negotiable (i'm not getting any younger lol)... In regards to looks - I would love to date a Justin Timberlake/Ryan Gosling look a like but I'm realistic and I know it's not happening!! As long as I can have fun with a guy and laugh a lot, I will give him a second look. My ex was about average height and overweight but I still loved him for who he was - the only reason his weight bothered me was bc of health concerns, not how he looked or what other people thought. I am generalizing when I say this, so some women may disagree, but I feel it's much easier for a women to fall in love with personality over looks than it is for a man to do the same.
eleanorhurting Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 If you are a dad and you have a daughter who is dating: 1. A guy that is going to college, or is educated. 2. Holds a job. 3. Is not a drunk or drug user. 4. Is a gentleman with both men and women. 5. Comes from a good family. 6. Treats women with respect. 7. Not under the care of a psychiatrist. I agree with your post but I resent the psychiatrist part! As a future psychiatrist I believe mental health should not be so taboo anymore. I am not saying you date someone who is unstable but some people go to psychiatrists for things that everyone goes through like anxiety, problems sleeping. Just because someone goes to a psychiatrist does not mean they are mentally ill.
thatone Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I agree with what everyone else has said. I just want to add that for me, I also like a man who has a good sense of humor. As long as I can laugh and be friends with my bf than I'll be happy. Obviously I want to be with someone who wants to get married and have kids and at my age, that is a non-negotiable (i'm not getting any younger lol)... In regards to looks - I would love to date a Justin Timberlake/Ryan Gosling look a like but I'm realistic and I know it's not happening!! As long as I can have fun with a guy and laugh a lot, I will give him a second look. My ex was about average height and overweight but I still loved him for who he was - the only reason his weight bothered me was bc of health concerns, not how he looked or what other people thought. I am generalizing when I say this, so some women may disagree, but I feel it's much easier for a women to fall in love with personality over looks than it is for a man to do the same. i don't think it is, it's just that far more unattractive men are not hampered from a confidence standpoint by their looks, whereas unattractive women have a whole other sloo of issues that stem from their insecurity about appearance. i have lots of friends from high school who have been married for 10+ years to generally unattractive women, but they still love those women because those women are the mothers of their children. i'm talking people in their mid 30s, not 40s/50s/60s here.
somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Is it possible to be boyfriend material, but not fu*kable?
Professor X Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Is it possible to be boyfriend material, but not fu*kable? No, cause that makes you friend material.
dasein Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Is it possible to be boyfriend material, but not fu*kable? It's possible to be BF material and get no sex while she paints one picture of herself to you while simultaneously keeping up her extracurriculars with the "non BF material" dude(s). Have been on both sides of that several times. Figuring that out when you are the "BF material" guy is not one bit o fun, like the first time you go to the fair and spend $100 trying to win a $5 stuffed animal. 1
KR10N Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 That's not exactly denying it Jane. And I'd say there is about and 80% chance that somebody who is good looking to you would be good looking to other women. And yet, I keep hearing women trying to defend themselves almost as if saying wanting a guy who is good looking to them, is some form of higher taste. Of course the true point of my previous post was that a guy can have all the requirements for being BF material, but if he isn't tall and good looking, tough luck. While a guy who is tall and good looking, but missing the BF material, he'd be a fu*k buddy.I know it might seem like I'm picking on you. I think what Jane meant by "good looking to me" is that she really couldn't care less if other women or anyone else found him attractive. Just as long as she's attracted to him the relationship works. If your w/ a woman, does it really matter how other people view her? If they think she is sexy, hot, pretty, or beautiful? 1
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