prevolved Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I'm 19 and finishing up my first year of college, while my ex is about to graduate high school. Saturday, I broke it off with her, I was with her for 8 months and over the last few months of the relationship she was basically taking my trust and pissing on it. She screwed around with one of my chick friends that I've known for years, and then when confronted about it, made up numerous lies to try to cover it up. I let it go, not wanting to throw the relationship away. It's worth noting that several months prior to me getting with her, she was heavy into drugs, but had been caught by her parents and was getting drug tested every month. So she was sober for awhile and planning on continuing when I got with her. The funny thing is it always lingered in my head that at some point she might go back to this, and sure enough, she begins hanging out with her old drug buddy again at about the halfway point of the relationship. I pretty much pushed much of this to the back of my mind, always being observant and cautious but never really calling her out on things that seemed suspicious. Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, she was over my house and mentions asking her mom if she could go to a party the following night. But then she says that there isn't actually a party. Now I knew immediately that this was odd as hell, saying "... what? then why did you ask her..." and she replied that it was just to see what she said. yeah, okay. 5 days later, my best friend tells me that she was at that party wasted, having heard it from one of my ex's friends. I confront her, she denies it, and then tries to say that she told me about it, lol. Makes it out to be not that big of a deal, doesn't understand why I was so pissed off. Well, I originally wasn't that pissed, sure it's not that nice to hear about your gf being wasted at a party, but what got me is how she hid it. Eventually I forgave her, telling her not to let the deceit happen again, and that I'd like her to tell me if she's going to be out partying. Last week, on wednesday, I hadn't seen her in half a month, but she brought up wanting to see me. I told her yeah we'll make it happen. she texts me the next day, i reply, and she doesn't say anything. then she texts me the following day, friday night, saying one of us must have lost signal, that she hadn't gotten my text until the morning. So naturally, I'm starting to get pretty irritated with this crap, and I choose not to respond just yet. An hour later she texts me again, telling me to talk to her. so I'm like "one of us might lose signal" lol. she responds "well that's possible if we're somewhere crazy". so i'm thinking wtf at this message, hadn't responded yet, half an hour later she says "I'm drinking, just so you know". i said okay, and I get the reply "i don't like just one word. lol are you okay? lol" so she's obviously getting drunk, didn't care to talk to her, i don't respond and head to bed, it was about midnight. at this point i've pretty much come to the conclusion that i was done with her, her priorities are elsewhere. She texted me a few times the day of breakup, when I finally got back to her, she begins asking me what's wrong. So i told her straight up that we're hardly dating and that her priorities are clearly elsewhere, and that i'm calling it off. Sends me a 4 page text, saying that I needed to tell her that I wanted her, that i'm always doing other little things, etc. but the line in these texts that kind of cut me deep, "the only thing that hurts is i'm f*****g crazy about you and you can never return that, so i guess it is the logical thing to end it." Kinda sucked being told that after how deeply in love with this girl i was, i just felt i had to do what was necessary by breaking up. Deleted the messages, her number, and I initiated NC. I was pretty upset and distraught that night, even as the dumper, I felt that the person I loved isn't who I thought she was. One of my friends informed me that the night after the breakup, she said to him "No use crying over spilled milk." I laughed it off, also found out the next day from her best friend that she had gone to a second party on friday night, where she told me she was drinking. However, my ex never mentioned the party, or the fact that she was taking pills + smoking weed that night, or that her ex had drove them to both parties. so her best friend sided with me and spilled the truth. So i've come here to post all of this I guess to put it all out there somewhere and get some opinions on what went down here, am I in the wrong here? I know it's pretty common that the dumpee is the one most hurt and the victim, but this is the first time I've been the dumper in a relationship. I've been the dumpee twice in which I tried to beg for them back, which you already know the story, prolonged my hurt and eventually I had to move on because the dumpers wouldn't even talk to me. Well, breadcrumbs. Do you think she's going to try to contact me or what? I'm entirely ready to move on and I'm mostly okay, but a part of me really wants to see if she says something, and what she says, if she apologizes or wants to get back together. I refuse to initiate contact, I'm just too stubborn.
immitable Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I know it's pretty common that the dumpee is the one most hurt and the victim, but this is the first time I've been the dumper in a relationship. I've been the dumpee twice in which I tried to beg for them back, which you already know the story, prolonged my hurt and eventually I had to move on because the dumpers wouldn't even talk to me. Well, breadcrumbs. Do you think she's going to try to contact me or what? I'm entirely ready to move on and I'm mostly okay, but a part of me really wants to see if she says something, and what she says, if she apologizes or wants to get back together. I refuse to initiate contact, I'm just too stubborn. We all know that you are about going to get responses like you made a right choice the girl is bad for you yadi yada bc you painted the girl black. I must tell you this, you are the dumper and obviously have feelings for her, I wouldn't rely much on hearsay but on your own gut feeling. If you feel you should contact her then do so.
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