tipsyleprachauns Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 So, you'll notice from my previous thread I was doing a lot better. I had an awesome week of feeling really positive and then good about myself and then I went on holiday for a week. It was so great and amazing to leave everything behind, escape reality. Barely thought about her whilst I was away and was so happy. Then I came back. And swifty going from being around 20 mates 24/7 to real life made me really low and lonely. I feel like I've jumped backwards and I'm thinking of her all the time again. Then today, I saw her for the first time in 2 and a half months. (2 months NC, 4 months BU). Just spotted from my car but she looked incredible, which sucked. Then I find out that recently she's been talking to a few mutual friends about how she feels so free and relieved. Like she escaped something horrible with me. It's made me feel awful. Made me feel so guilty like I was trapping her or something. I know that the majority of our problems came from the fact she's younger, more immature, and wanted the single lifestyle more. It led her behavior to be selfish, flakey and distant. We argued loads. But I HATE how I'm feeling guilty. I was sure that one day when she grew up she'd at least realise that it wasn't all me, that I was actually a great boyfriend she said I was. Instead it seems she's absolutely loving being free from me like she's escaped me, and she's loving being back with her old friends who by her own words used to manipulate, pressure and bitch about her. I feel back to the beginning. A horrible knot in my stomach. I want this girl off my mind but at the same time I want her to see how much I've changed and that she was wrong about me.
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Were you dishonest with who you were? Did you intentionally harm her? If not then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Being a bad match is nothing to feel bad about. Let her live her life and wish her the best, but do what's best for you and continue focusing on yourself
Author tipsyleprachauns Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Entirely open about who I was. Entirely honest. Loved her more than anything. Put it so much effort constantly. Too much effort it seems.
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Entirely open about who I was. Entirely honest. Loved her more than anything. Put it so much effort constantly. Too much effort it seems. Well then you have nothing to feel bad about, so don't. If you were willing to give more than she was, then she lost more than you did. 1
Author tipsyleprachauns Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 It would seem she doesn't feel that way, however. Which although knowing what you're saying is true... hurts. A lot.
wilsonx Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 no worries tipsy, by the time you heal from the breakup, she will be feeling what you are now x 100. rest assured, it will be the worst year(s) of her life.
ridinbikes247 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I am in your boat but 100 times worse... We were together from age 19 until now, almost 27 . Together 7 years and we have a 4 year old boy... I left going on 10 weeks ago because she was distant, flaky and wanted the "single" life - The moment I left she made me feel guilty for leaving. She said I abandoned the family and I should have stayed in the marriage, and just let her do what she wanted to do. Well, marriage dont work like that in my book. After a week of telling me how bad of a father and husband I was she has completly went no contact with me. She tells her friends how fun it is to be single, and how much freedom she has and how "independent " she is. It hurts me ALOT !!!! Our friends dont know what I was put through. For 2 to 3 months I would come home from work and try to hug and kiss my wife and she would push me away saying "shes busy"... She would leave for work in the morning and not even say bye. Leave me home by my self until 1 and 2 in the morning... It was total bull ****. BUTTTT .... It is getting easier because I look at the bad and take everyones word..... She will regret what shes doing one day. may not be next month, or this summer or this winter.. but I HOPE she looks back and realizes I did alot for her.. I do think at times she dosent have a heart, and wil never regret ANYTHING she has ever done
fucpcg Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Another guy in the same boat, my ex left me talking about how horrible I was to her, and how she needed to get away from me and turn life around in so many words. I thought give her some time, she'll come to her senses. Instead, the more time, the worse she gets. Yes you do feel guilty when someone speaks terribly about you, and it really makes you question yourself. In all honestly, I did get much wrong, but so did she. Like you I've taken to heart all that she said, and tried diligently to improve myself, and would just love to have a conversation with her to say hey you were right about many things, and I've learned from it and want to move forward with us, stronger and better than ever. But I can't, cause in her mind, I got it all wrong, and she doesn't look at any of her actions, and she refuses to talk because life is soooo much better without me. Well.... good luck I guess. If I was that bad, and you honestly do that much better than with me, then good for you, shame on me, I wish you the best. Her behavior doesn't seem she's shooting for better at all, leaving me to party and single because I was that terrible. Take to heart the issues that you needed to fix, but the rest is up to her. It takes two to tango, and right now she doesn't want to.
Author tipsyleprachauns Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 It sucks doesn't it! It just makes it all that much more painful when you loved someone SO much and did so much good for them. They spent 2 years telling you how much the appreciated how you'd helped them be true to themselves and grow as a person. Face up to lies in their life and be who they really wanted to be. Then they break up with you, fail to recognise all you gave them, fail to see absolutely any shred of what THEY did wrong, and make you feel like they've escaped you. Wilson, I know before you've said to me before that I will hear from her again at some point. Yet, she truly seems to believe she's 'escaped' me and that it's absolutely my fault. She appears to have forgotten all of the good and focussed only on the bad. I don't see how that would ever change. It seems to have solidified with time. Yet she's still avoiding me. We go to the same church as as much as I've been avoiding her by going to the evening services she's been avoiding me by missing church altogether rather than going to the same services on weekends that should couldn't make the morning ones. She hasn't seen the new me yet. Which is essentially the me she fell for with a hell of a lot of improvements and the baggage from the crap that happened left behind.
fucpcg Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Don't say new me, say what you have learned. Its our life long experiences that make us who we are, and if we had a rough life, it can leave us with certain rough characteristics. Just because you caught them now does not mean you will never make the same mistakes again, and in fact most likely you will. None of us can recover in a day, week, month, when it was a lifetime of living that made us the person we are now. If my ex were to talk to me now, what I would want to stress to her is I didn't see the things she accused me of, but I do see it now, and what she pointed out is a person I don't like either, and never wanted to be, and if she promises to just speak openly with me anytime and everytime in the future I act in a manner similar, that I promise I will rid that person of my life.
Recommended Posts