lovemovesme Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Background Information: I just got out of a three year relationship that ended on his terms. He gave me a slew of reasons why he doesn't want to be with me:The main reason I feel is that we've been fighting a lot and it was stressing him out.He says he still loves me but is getting bored with the relationship.He told me he doesn't want to marry me because I'm not career-oriented and have a problem with drinking too much alcohol (he considers two beers too much). I feel like I've lost my best friend and there's a huge pit in my stomach that is stressing me out. It has been 11 days since the break up with no contact. I'm incredibly pissed off. He said down the road he wants to still be friends with me but I told him (while we were breaking up) that I would never want that. Being the dumpee, I am not going to be the one to initiate contact. I wish he would talk to me but at the same time I feel like he ripped my heart out. Looking back on the relationship, I feel like I definitely put more effort in making it work (which I pointed out) and he told me 'yeah if you didn't do that we probably would have broken up a long time ago.' I hate him but am still so in love with him. I feel hopeless, lonely, and angry all the time. Just for clarification: We never cheated on each other and I know there's not another girl. So when he told me he was going to be lonely for a long time. I believe him. I finally beginning to realize that we're not going to get back together. I feel sorry for him in a way (even though I got dumped). He comforted me when we broke up and I know I can't do anything to help him besides not talk to him. The fact that I'm thinking about his perspective pisses me off but I need/want to look at everything from every different perspective. Our mutual friends which were his friends first, choose my side in the break up. He has few other people (unless he reconnects with them) that he can talk to about what's going on with him. But I'm going to continue to talk about myself because this thread is about me, me, and me. I trusted this man with my life and for him to say those things to me/why we broke up is a cop out. I am very career-oriented. Yes, I'm working at CVS Photo Lab right now but I freaking love my job because I got my BA in Photo and for him to pressure me to find a big girl job added to our tension. I'm pissed that my mom gave him a key to my house (I want it back) and that he never even gave me a key to his. I'm pissed that he doesn't want me anymore and even more I'm pissed that I have to see his grandmother at my work. It's happened two times, the first day (three days after break up) she told me how she cried all night. I ignored her. The other time was yesterday when I saw her. I avoided her thankfully. It's still reminds me of my ex. I don't want to quit my job because I like it but I wish she would stop coming there to shop and get her prescription. I don't know what to do with out being an jerk to her it's not her fault. I wish he would talk to me so bad. I feel like I've been being patient. I know I'm definitely not over the relationship and it's best that we not contact each other. I want this heartache to end. I put everything that he gave me in a box and just cleaning my room (making it my sanctuary). I feel like i'm so sad and that my emotions are causing me to be so lazy. I feel immobilized by them. Does it get any better? I feel like he is going to sleep with someone else and that really hurts. I wish someone would make a day by day guide on how to get over you're ex. I miss him like crazy. I want him... to talk to me. Ughh HELP
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Count yourself lucky. Not only did you get out of a relationship with someone who wouldn't put in the effort, but you also found out how much effort you are willing to put in for when you find the right person. Does it get better? Yes. The time it takes depends on you. If you start to work on yourself and help yourself heal, it will be quicker than pining away. Will he sleep with someone else? Yes, eventually. Hopefully you both will take the time needed to heal before moving on so that your next relationship can have a strong chance of working. Start with this: What do you want out of life for yourself? What are your dreams? What are your goals? What helped me was making a "bucket list" of sorts and when I would get down, I would either do one of the cheap/easy things on my list or make plans to do one of the big things. 1
Author lovemovesme Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I'm planning to join the Maryland National Guard Reserve in the next six months. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I feel like if I can put up with these mind games that my ex played on me then boot camp should be a breeze. Most likely going to shave my head. That day will be worse then today but it will be better that way because my thin hair will grow back thicker. Thicker hair = more volume. Attract cuties - not that I want to anytime soon. I'm just saying I love my blonde hair and it will eventually grow back. Just like the hole I feel in my heart. Instead of pining for my ex. I'm going to study for the ASVAB, keep exercising, and keep working. Through this break up, I realized that I'm a way stronger person then I thought I was. Duh I have weak moments but no longer am I going to dwell in the past/dark. My next step is to keep as busy as I can and before I know it a lot of time will pass and i won't think of him as much. Side note: My ex was such a pompous *******. He thinks he's so much better then everyone else because he has his Master's degree. I'm thinking I'm going to regress and progress from the Anger stage of Grief at least for a while but I know each day that passes I will be a stronger person. Heart ache is no easy feat but i see so many people that survive this. I will survive this. I appreciate you're encouraging thoughts Philosoraptor
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