Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Another one of these threads but I've been talking to a very interesting girl who I find attractive and very fun to hangout with. We have very fun conversation and she enjoys talking to me (she usually initiates conversation). So we hung out today for about 5 hours (had dinner with her the other day) and when I dropped her off today, she texted me 10 minutes shortly after saying that she has been meaning to ask me a question. She asked me why I approached her and started talking to her a couple weeks back when I saw her working. She asked if there was any specific reason or if it was just because. She said that she wasn't asking to be offensive, as she was happy I approached, but she is just curious as to why I started talking to her. I told her that it was a combination of things and that I was hoping that she would be different from all the other girls I encounter here. I told her that to my surprise, she was different, and that I love the fact that I took the chance to talk to her because she is really fun to hangout with, she gets my humor and my way of thinking so it seems, and she isn't dumb. We have a lot of profound discussion, which I find very engaging and fun. Does her questioning of why I approached her a good thing? I would very much like our friendship to go beyond just being a friendship in the future, and I think she knows that...
TaraMaiden Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 One simple way to find out - Text the following: "Would you go out with me?"
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) She recently got out of a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, so that's the only thing that's stopping me... and apparently they were together for a really long time and good friends. She told me that I needed to be patient and to see where things went with us, and that we have a lot of time. She said to just go with it, but idk. I didn't directly ask her out, just hinted that I was interested in her. Edited April 11, 2012 by Desensitized
rocketman122 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) are you guys dating regularly? otherwise, keep things cool, keep courting her and going out. after about the 3-5 date you both should know where its heading. then on the next date tell her you have feelings for her and you want you and her to be exclusive, that you want to commit to her and she to you. you noted you went to dinner together so im guessing the ball is rolling. just keep doing what youve been doing since its working well and when the time feels right tell her you want her to be only with you. usually these things are known by both parties after some time, but make it official so there are misinterpretations on your intentions. its also romantic. she seems like a good girl who has some brain power (big plus) so you should have no issue. otherwise club her over the head and drag her to your cave by the hair. shackle her there and dont ever let her see light again HAHA! adding to your post above. take it slow, keep doing what youre doing. recent break ups are very problematic. but if she gave you the ok, then go! take it slow. but if things are going ok and she keeps having contact with the ex and you guys are getting serious, tell her calmly you dont appreciate her having contact with him. it has to be you or him. dont hold on to her if she keeps playing back and forth. you sisnt post THE most important part of your dilemma dude..not cool! Edited April 11, 2012 by rocketman122
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 are you guys dating regularly? otherwise, keep things cool, keep courting her and going out. after about the 3-5 date you both should know where its heading. then on the next date tell her you have feelings for her and you want you and her to be exclusive, that you want to commit to her and she to you. you noted you went to dinner together so im guessing the ball is rolling. just keep doing what youve been doing since its working well and when the time feels right tell her you want her to be only with you. usually these things are known by both parties after some time, but make it official so there are misinterpretations on your intentions. its also romantic. she seems like a good girl who has some brain power (big plus) so you should have no issue. otherwise club her over the head and drag her to your cave by the hair. shackle her there and dont ever let her see light again HAHA! Not sure if what we're doing can be classified as dating, but we have been spending time together just getting to know each other. As far as keeping cool goes, I'm doing my best. We are so similar and we both find that very cool. The thing is, she is a very busy person and so am I, so I think this is a reason why she sort of says that she isn't into the dating scene just yet (as she just got out of a 2 yr relationship). It just sucks because we get along well and she's told me that she likes me, but she wants to be friends for now and to remain patient because everything happens for a reason, according to her lol. But until then, we can be "good friends" lol... she says she's not ready to date. Not sure if I'm friendzoned or what, but my gut is telling me I'm friendzoned but at the same time, idk. She said she likes me and we're so similar blah blah blah, but idk. Says i'm one of the nicest guys she's met and that I am so mature for my age and all this other stuff, but basically she compliments me daily, as I do her. *shrug*
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 you sisnt post THE most important part of your dilemma dude..not cool! Ha! It's 5AM, give me a break lol. Trying to finish up some studying/paper.
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 And as far as her contacting her ex, she isn't. She told me she cut all contact with him... But she can do what she wants as far as I'm concerned, we're not even together so.
rocketman122 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Ha! It's 5AM, give me a break lol. Trying to finish up some studying/paper. its not a regular situation here. where you like/she likes. the issue is there is someone else on her mind as well. recent break ups are very problematic. dont be too nice to her and too much of a friend in the beginning. she has her GF's for that. if youre too nice then she'll call you to let her frustrations out. dont under any circumstances talk about her ex. you need to move you and her in the right direction away from him. be a bit of a challenge. dont be so willing, it will make you look weak. the point im saying is dont be so nice and into thinking youre going to be a shoulder for her to cry on while she talks about him, you'll be her "friend" that she will see what a nice guy you are (and we know nice guys finish last) and fall madly in love with you. it will not happen. dont be a jerk, but dont be willing to do so much. you have to try to slowly get her to come your way. otherwise you will be no challenge and she will lose interest. good luck with your studies. but you want her? if its I dont care attitude then thats how it will turn out. but if your mind is locked that you want her then do what it takes to win her over.
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 its not a regular situation here. where you like/she likes. the issue is there is someone else on her mind as well. recent break ups are very problematic. dont be too nice to her and too much of a friend in the beginning. she has her GF's for that. if youre too nice then she'll call you to let her frustrations out. dont under any circumstances talk about her ex. you need to move you and her in the right direction away from him. be a bit of a challenge. dont be so willing, it will make you look weak. the point im saying is dont be so nice and into thinking youre going to be a shoulder for her to cry on while she talks about him, you'll be her "friend" that she will see what a nice guy you are (and we know nice guys finish last) and fall madly in love with you. it will not happen. dont be a jerk, but dont be willing to do so much. you have to try to slowly get her to come your way. otherwise you will be no challenge and she will lose interest. good luck with your studies. but you want her? if its I dont care attitude then thats how it will turn out. but if your mind is locked that you want her then do what it takes to win her over. How do I get back my "power" I guess you could say. I mean, I made it pretty clear that I liked her, so the ball is in her court. And yeah, maybe I should stop being too nice to her. She even said I was "too nice." That's probably not a good thing. I guess I'll refrain from contacting her and if she wants to contact me, she can?
rocketman122 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 no need to stay away and play tough. but the main thing is getting you and her in the right direction. you dont have to text and talk everyday. you have to lure in slowly. how long ago was her break up? how long was it, and do they have a constant trend of breaking up and getting back together?
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 no need to stay away and play tough. but the main thing is getting you and her in the right direction. you dont have to text and talk everyday. you have to lure in slowly. how long ago was her break up? how long was it, and do they have a constant trend of breaking up and getting back together? umm... it was about a month ago and they were together for close to 2 years. They do not have a constant trend of breaking up and getting back together but she said the break was pretty mutual; however, she is not speaking to her ex and she is strict NC.
rocketman122 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) a month is not so much for 2 years. but if it was mutual then thats good. it wouldve been better if she didnt want but you have to deal with what you have. keep doing what youre doing. dont be a shoulder to cry on (thats her GF/family's job). dont be toooo nice. and dont be dont readily willing to do so much. you have to get her to prove herself. be a bit of a challenge. stay focused and dont let emotions take over till she's locked in and both are getting romantic. what you should do is be fun and get her mind off her ex. when you do this, she stays positive and doesnt think of the ex. think about it, when youre sad you think too much of your ex. make her feel good about herself. when you do this she will think what a great (not nice-nice is not good) guy you are and she will start thinking about you more often, which is what you want. take her out to fun places, not overly romantic. she might feel uncomfortable. hold her hand, hug her, make her feel good. be confident. if youre the strong silent type (like I am sometimes) thats ok, but talk to her and let her talk, but steer the conversation to things she likes. make her see that there are better guys for her out there. may the force be with you. Edited April 11, 2012 by rocketman122
Author Desensitized Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Hold her hand? Wouldn't that be bad, considering we aren't dating? I could see hugging her and making her feel good as being good, just not so sure about the holding her hand. Thanks for the advice though, appreciate it.
rocketman122 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Hold her hand? Wouldn't that be bad, considering we aren't dating? I could see hugging her and making her feel good as being good, just not so sure about the holding her hand. Thanks for the advice though, appreciate it. dont do it in a romantic way or often or too long. youre slowly building sexual tension. not locking fingers but in a playful way. an example would be if youre going to the movies and there's a huge line on one side then grab her hand say "cmon lets stand here" or if youre going to an amusement park then grab her hand and say "oh this is a great ride, lets go on this one" when you get in line, put your arm around her and pull her in with a small short squeeze then for a short gaze look her in the eyes and give her a smile. I even sometimes just give a short back touch/caress. just giving examples to the way you should implement that technique. you figure out when to do it. but dont be passive. take control, show her you care, not by words but by body language. dont be a friend be a great fun guy. call her and say:" hey X, you busy on x? "(no- she will say-hopefully) then say" good, im going to x and I want you to come with me" or better yet, dont tell her where and take her to a museum (if you like that sort of thing) and then take her to eat sushi or whatever. gotta go, update us if anythings new!
Author Desensitized Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 well, to update you, we've been spending quite a bit of time together. Been hanging out almost every day/having breakfast/dinner together, and yesterday, we watched a movie at my place and I sang to her. Which was her idea, btw. Lol. She just wants to be friends though, I'm sure. Even though she said she was bragging to her friends about me, which I find odd because normally, I only do that with people I want to date. But Idk. She's a lot of fun and I want to be with her, but it's just frustrating at the same time because she just wants to be single and focus on her career, which I understand, considering I was doing the same. I could tell she was sort of uncomfortable hanging out with me yesterday alone watching a movie because she asked if she could sit a little farther away from me. We were in my room and I have no chairs, besides my computer chair and she didn't want to sit on my bed, but then she decided to and eventually warmed up. I don't want to be friendzoned, but it sounds like I already am. I'm probably just going to shrug it off and cut my losses since she just wants to be friends. She was texting her ex-bf yesterday too while we were watching a movie, which I understood considering they recently broke up, but I tried not to let it get to me. le sigh.
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