Ugh, can't get past a 1st/2nd date. Virgin. 25. Impossible to form chemistry

[Eddie Edirol]

I go on dates about 75% with white girls, 25% with my own race. FYI, I'm actually Middle Eastern Asian. Not like Chinese or Korean or something. I live in California, and a metro area. I don't think racism is much of an issue here. Interracial couples abound, whites are themselves not a majority in the city here.

 

I don't overstate my height. I wear dress shoes with an inch heel that actually makes me about 5'8.5"

 

That list seems kind of weird. How is giving too much eye contact and focusing only on her bad? Bad eye contact and glancing around might make you seem either nervous and shy, or just aloof. I never say their name on a date. I can't even remember half the girls' names.

 

Asking too many questions about her? So how then do you talk? Just about yourself? I feel like it's either ask her something, or talk about yourself. But in the convo, I try to keep a balance. She says something, I comment about it, relate a story or something to myself, then ask her something more about it... back and forth.

 

Ah, you have much to learn Mooninitesan.

 

Im gonna start by saying this: You've already noticed that what your ecurrently doing isnt working. If you dont choose to change how you think, you will be a virgin forever. And Im hoping you dont put these dates on pedestals.

 

You dont think Racism is a thing in your metro area, but it is, no matter where you are. Im in NYC, same type of metro area. Women that go on dates with you will not admit that they might be skeptical about marrying into an asian family, or generally, a family that isnt exactly like theirs. They'll smile right in your face on a date, while they are thinking all sorts of things. (my ex hasnt texted me in 2 days, Im desperate so Ill give an asian guy a shot, I need attention badly, and the guy I really want blew me off) Remember, their family isnt always living in the metro with metro ideals. I implore you to do a search on this forum about interracial dating, you will see some eye opening threads (pun intended).

 

Too much eye contact is part of the body language. Women pick up on it like its sonar. If you look at her too much, its like youre obsessing on her. You want to be some sort of challenge, you want her to think that she has to imp[ress you as well. if youre looking into her eyes too much, she knows you get attached to her too easy, and she is turned off. So you need to be slightly aloof. You cant be an open book. Make her pry info about yourself out of you, dont just hand it over, thats no challenge.

 

Treat personal info like how you talk about work. Dont be afraid to glance around to look for things to talk about. Just dont focus on her every second. If you can make it look like youre slightly bored, and not shy, its body language that you have choices. Focusing only on her the entire time makes you look desperate, and like you dont know what youre doing. Also, women dont tell you when they had a bad date with you, they just make it look good to avoid confrontation.

 

"Whats your family like? Whered you go to school?" Questions that are generally like this will make anyone feel like they are in an interrogation. Major turnoff. That info is supposed to be revealed naturally, like kissing at the end of the night. Youre not supposed to be so curious about her that you would ask these questions, she has to bring it up in a way that would make it interesting to you. Plus she might not want to tell you these things. She will just want to talk about general stuff, to see if youre fun and entertaining. So do the natural progression conversation:

 

You: "Hey you hear that Zimmerman is getting charged with murder?"

her "Yeah finally! I knew a weird guy like him in high school, he looked at everyone funny"

You: "I bet he had all kinds of love notes ready to give you but he was too shy, thats why he looked like that..."

Her: "Nooo! he was such a creep! there were alot of creeps in the valley"

You" Oh you went to Valley high? my cousin went there, she was Madonna in the talent show, she made us call her Madonna for a week to get prepared.."

Her "I remember her! One of her boob cones fell off during her act!"

 

(I just made all that up) Thats how you get her info, let her volunteer it to you. You want to make her think you dont care about her personal info, you just want to find out if she is fun to hang with, and would make a cool girlfriend. The personal questions dont matter.

 

You dont start conversations asking about her or talking about yourself. Thats where you go wrong. You talk about fun things that she might be interested in. Come prepared with topics if you have trouble thinking of them on the fly. News, tv, kitten videos, whatever, but dont talk about yourself or ask about her unless its directly linked to something youre talking about. Also, if she asks you something about you, DO NOT put yourself down. Make sure whatever you talk about, you talk about it in a good light, fun, ambitious, whatever, but do not put yourself down. Self esteem/confidence is insanely evident in self incrimination, even if its a lil bit. Women trained each other to fish for compliments by self incrimination, so if you do it, they already know theres a problem with your confidence. No one wants to be around someone whos a potential downer.

Edited April 11, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[Cypress25]

Even when I do kiss or makeout with the girls, it just all feels so mechanical to me. My brain goes into autopilot. I have a boner, yes, but I still don't know what a romantic connection is. I don't know what chemistry is.

 

Well, there's your problem. No wonder so many of those women disappeared after you kissed. You're a bad kisser, plain and simple. Learn how to do it with feeling. Preferably while sober and not in a public place.

[Eddie Edirol]

BTW dont be afraid to tease your date. I hope youre already doing this.

 

Example: I went on a date with a woman who laughed about how she had a hard time typing on her smartphone screen. She had it turned portrait style and it made the keyboard smaller. She was looking up something that we were talking about on google.

 

I said "You know the keyboard is bigger when you turn it sideways, right?"

 

She turned her phone, and then looked at me like I just saw her naked. She giggled and said "dont judge me..."

 

I said "oh no worries....you had that phone for how long?"

 

Her "Shutup! Lol"

 

me "never once watched a youtube vid on there eh? lol"

 

Her "Ive been very busy! shutup! lol"

 

We laughed about it for a minute. I didnt lay into her, just did it to make her laugh, so she knew I didnt think she was a ditz.

 

 

And I really hope youre not a bad kisser. Do you use too much tongue?

[SJC2008]

I don't agree with this. Kissing at the end of the first date is great.

 

I'd save the make-out sessions until you are in private though. There is something about doing it in public with someone you just met, that feels a little tacky.

 

To each their own but I don't think I'll ever have a first date kiss. First of all, I don't see the point, secondly odds are the woman you are with doesn't feel comfortable kissing on the first date. And as far as not seeing the point: To me a first date is "light" and is to see if I'd like to see her again.

 

Good advice other posters on not doing bar restaurants. I hate dinner dates. There's nothing worse than sitting accross a stranger and trying to conversate. I like to do a small activitiy and then do dinner, it breaks the ice for us. The last 2 dates I had we played pool, drank a little, then had dinner. And yes I got 2nd dates with both women.

[thatone]

I try to skip generic bars. If we meet at a bar, I usually pick some place unique. A local fancy wine bar, a local brewery, a mock speakeasy, or some other place with character or drinks that can't be had elsewhere. A fancy gourmet coffee shop.

 

I've done my fair share of other less traditional dates as well - going rock climbing, meeting in a park and drinking mimosas and tossing around a frisbee, going mini-golfing and to the driving range, going to baseball games.

 

I usually call first. If they don't pick up, then I send the text. How long do you recommend I wait then after a 1st date? After a 2nd date? After a 3rd date? Thanks, I will try to be more confident and direct in my message. Instead of asking if they want to meet up again, I'll pretend like it's a given and suggest a new time/place.

 

And believe me, I Never talk about work. I don't give a **** about their number crunching/Excel skills all day, and I'm sure thy don't give a **** about my cubicle adventures. They usually ask what I do for work, I give a one word sarcastic response, and immediately suggest we never talk about work again(but not in a pissed off way... with a smile on my face).

 

Why not hobbies if they are related or common? That's usually one of the things we chat about in our messages online, and the reason I message her in the first place.

 

What kind of off-color jokes? My jokes are very... crude and childish? Ever watch Tosh.0 or South Park? Yea, my humor is kind of like that. I try to steer clear of that on 1st dates.

 

i don't ask anything. i'm not asking for permission to do anything with any woman i'm dating. because asking is an invitation to say no.

 

in general, never ask a question that could be answered with "no".

[KR10N]

Is it really that hard being a virgin at 25?

[ThaWholigan]

Is it really that hard being a virgin at 25?

I'm 2 years younger and while I can live with it, it's certainly not easy

[somedude81]

Is it really that hard being a virgin at 25?

Not being able to get sex at any age really sucks.

[KR10N]

Not being able to get sex at any age really sucks.

At any age?

[somedude81]

At any age?

Yeah, it was extremely hard when I was seven.

 

LOL, normal sexual desire ages.

 

For me it was basically 17 till my current age of 30. Where it's always on my mind and I'm constantly horny.

[KR10N]

Yeah, it was extremely hard when I was seven.

 

LOL, normal sexual desire ages.

 

For me it was basically 17 till my current age of 30. Where it's always on my mind and I'm constantly horny.

OMG! 7, but so young. That's practically a baby.

[ThaWholigan]

Yeah, it was extremely hard when I was seven.

 

LOL, normal sexual desire ages.

 

For me it was basically 17 till my current age of 30. Where it's always on my mind and I'm constantly horny.

Meh, I was 10 when I started having urges. I have always liked and been interested in girls, I was just really rubbish at talking to them until I was about 16-19 . But I have always thought about romance and sex as long as I can remember. I seemed to have an innate understanding about sex even though my mother was quite strict about what I was exposed to. I think that I was ashamed of it, as I was perhaps not quite confident in my masculinity.

Edited April 12, 2012 by ThaWholigan

[KR10N]

Horny, horny boys.

[somedude81]

OMG! 7, but so young. That's practically a baby.

LOL.

 

 

Meh, I was 10 when I started having urges. I have always liked and been interested in girls, I was just really rubbish at talking to them until I was about 16-19 . But I have always thought about romance and sex as long as I can remember. I seemed to have an innate understanding about sex even though my mother was quite strict about what I was exposed to. I think that I was ashamed of it, as I was perhaps not quite confident in my masculinity.

I didn't actually start to get interested in girls till I was 13. Wasn't till 16 or 17 that I actually started to want sex.

 

Damn, that's roughly 14 years of an unsatisfied sex drive. And it's been pretty rough. And I feel kind of bad for the next girl who lets me be with her. It'll be a bit rough.

[Professor X]

Dunno about you, but I was born with an erection....

[ThaWholigan]

I didn't actually start to get interested in girls till I was 13. Wasn't till 16 or 17 that I actually started to want sex.

 

Damn, that's roughly 14 years of an unsatisfied sex drive. And it's been pretty rough. And I feel kind of bad for the next girl who lets me be with her. It'll be a bit rough.

 

Damn, you were kinda late! .

 

I was a proper horny little kid, but I always held it in . Not much has changed, I'm probably even more so now! . My 1st will be lucky

[somedude81]

OP if you are Middle Eastern, why are you bothering with white women?

 

I think people who say wanting to date someone of your own race is "racist" are morons.

Haven't you heard?

 

Everybody prefers white women.

 

And when we eventfully get enslaved by aliens. Guess who they are going to want as their brood-mothers? You guessed it, white women.

[ThaWholigan]

Haven't you heard?

 

Everybody prefers white women.

 

And when we eventfully get enslaved by aliens. Guess who they are going to want as their brood-mothers? You guessed it, white women.

I don't.......kinda.

 

I've always found women of my own race to be attractive. If I'm honest though, I like mixed raced girls, like in my avi. They just have that look+skin that I like, like caramel . Especially with the massive curly hair.

 

Scary Spice comes to mind .

[Seneca]

Haven't you heard?

 

Everybody prefers white women.

 

And when we eventfully get enslaved by aliens. Guess who they are going to want as their brood-mothers? You guessed it, white women.

Yeah right. And that's why the Asian population is so much bigger.

[somedude81]

I don't.......kinda.

 

I've always found women of my own race to be attractive. If I'm honest though, I like mixed raced girls, like in my avi. They just have that look+skin that I like, like caramel . Especially with the massive curly hair.

 

Scary Spice comes to mind .

Dude, you're way too young to know about the Spice Girls. And it's not like history remembers them for their quality of music.

 

Still I'm surprised that you don't prefer white girls. Especially since they are all over the place in London town.

 

Yeah right. And that's why the Asian population is so much bigger.

Uh, that's because most white girls don't naturally occur in Asia.

[Seneca]

OP are you looking to get a girlfriend? Or do you just want to lose your virginity?

 

You actually had a couple of opportunities to score with the make out sessions... you just had to close it bro. It can be intimidating to do when you are a virgin, but don't think about it.... just do it.

[ThaWholigan]

Yeah, but that's not natural.

 

White gentiles are the most beautiful as Caucasians are the race with the highest levels of perfect symmetry, also the pinnacle of physical evolution (except the English and white Americans, they're a race of counter-evolution).

 

But even then, you should still prefer your own people. People who seek mates specifically because they look completely different generally have self-esteem issues. Kind of like the study where the black kids preferred the white doll, its not normal and its not moral.

It's not really just an issue of "preferring your own people". I mean, I prefer black girls or girls who have a significant amount of black in them by and large. However, it's unlikely I'm going to rule out dating a girl of another race just because I do. I may fall in love with a white girl, or an asian girl.

[mooninite]

OP if you are Middle Eastern, why are you bothering with white women?

 

I think people who say wanting to date someone of your own race is "racist" are morons.

 

Fact is , I say this as someone who is around your height, women are really picky about height, you can amplify that 100 fold on internet dating where women have have all the power. If you're a man under 5'10 (maybe even 6'0), you're going to get lots of flakes, a ****ty fact of life.

 

 

If I was you, I would find a woman from your own culture where men still have some power in dating, unlike Western style romance where we're all at the whim of women's irrational urges and "preferences". You've got a treasure trove right under your nose, forget white american women.

 

Problem is, I'm white as ****. I don't speak my native language. I'm atheist, not Muslim. I listen to American music (indie rock, punk, jam bands, electronic). My culture is American, it's where I was born and raised.

 

The chicks I'm going on dates with are all shorter than me. And they can see my height in my profile. I'm getting the dates. I'm just doing something to **** it up, or have them lose interest,

[ThaWholigan]

.Still I'm surprised that you don't prefer white girls. Especially since they are all over the place in London town.

 

I know. I'm attracted to girls of all races, physical beauty far transcends race. I've seen flat-booty Australian girls who I thought were hot . But nothing is like when I see a black girl with a big fro and curvy body. With the thick legs too . Or a girl with caramel skin, and that curly hair that goes all over the place, and they got that same body too.

 

 

White girls with a black girls body is always attractive though. Polish/Russian girls usually tend to have that kind of body, interestingly.

[Seneca]

Uh, that's because most white girls don't naturally occur in Asia.

 

Riiiiight.... that makes sense. They naturally occur in Europe, America, Canada, and other countries... but yeah you may be right.