I can't make friends, what am I doing wrong?

[JRock8732]

For starters I think I have low self esteem, the last time I asked anyone out was a month ago. I asked a couple of guys to a basketball game and I guess no one wanted to go because they didn't seem too excited about it...I've asked out a few people before this and I just feel like giving up. I feel like I take things to critical..I'm kinda shy too and a little socially awkward, but I can make a class laugh and be friendly with people in class, but I can't make a real friend...I hate myself sometimes..I wish it could be better but it not..it's been like this for a long time and idk..I can't talk about my problems cause my mom would basically tell me to grow up in a soft way and my dad is never here, I'm 20 and havve a car and go to school and have a job, I should be happy but I'm not, the hobbies I have is roller skating and watching movies and video games. It just sucks that I have all of that and I can't make a friend.......what is wrong with me I'm 20 I should be having the time of my life but I feel like life is getting worse socially...help

[dragonlord101614]

I know exactly how you feel man. I am 20 too, and everyone is informing me that this is the best time of my life. I don't agree, since I have no friends, no job, and feel extremely isolated a lot. I know with me I have never made friends per se, usually just acquaintances that would fade into the background in a few months, or whenever we stopped doing the same things. Mainly im writing this to let you know you are NOT alone; I think that can be the hardest thing sometimes, feeling like you are the only one that has no life or friends, when really there are a ton of people in the same boat we are. Personally, i'm really hoping to get involved in some things this summer to at least meet some people. I have never had the luxury of one good friend, but a lot of acquaintances can help fill the void at least.

 

It is similar to the blind leading the blind, but I will try to help by giving you some examples of things that have helped me. Believe me when I say that these things are easier said than done, but they will help out significantly in the right circumstances. First, find a job that either takes up a lot of time or is satisfying to you; I hope that the job you have now does one of those things, a part timer that you hate is just pocket change and makes you miserable. The job will actually help by either giving you a pool of friends/acquaintances if you like it, or provide you with good money/experience and something to do every day. Trust me, one of the worst things is to have tons of time to think about how much your life sucks; a lot of times videogames/movies can make it worse because it makes your own life feel that much more insignificant. The Second is to find activities to get plugged into; something that was great for me was martial arts. I have taken karate and judo, both briefly, but it was a very good experience that gives you a good physical work out and increases your bad assery:cool:. Whatever side activities you can find, believe me that it is worth it in the long run.

 

Oh, just a personal side note, make sure to be careful who you end up hanging out with. Not trying to be maternal or anything here, but it can be bad news if you hang out with toxic people out of desperation. I had a guy who I hung out with who started asking me for rides all the time to everywhere and calling me to hang out all the time; know to both avoid this and not do this yourself, as it can really turn people off. Also, I know how it is with parents; look to them for support for sure, but something I realized not too long ago is that I have to start making my own life now, and in some ways parents can hinder that process without meaning to.

 

Wow! I ended up writing a lot more than I intended; hope I didn't bore you too much:). Long story short, we are at the age where we have to start figuring things out for ourselves; like how we want to live our life and what to do to achieve that life. I really don't want to look back with regret on the prime of my life, and hope that I can change my current circumstances. Thanks for enduring, and I wish you the best of luck with finding friends and figuring out how you want your life to look!

[Rickchen89]

I don't know how old this is. Things like this tend to resurface for circulation every once in a while. My friend sent me the link recently and I thought I'd share. It's the SMB theme played on two guitars...by one kid...at the same time...crazy.