How to overcome the pain of a girl being pregnant from ex?

[confusedguy2]

Ok, I apologize from everybody having such a long message because I really need help on this, as I don't know how to move on. Its a very COMPLEX STORY.

 

 

I was seeing a woman,whom I was friends since 4-5 years.Nearly the last 1 year things get a little bit serious together(at least for my side). She is 40 years old and have very easygoing personality.She is also very beautiful that every man wants to have her in her life.

 

She was living in another state but I was coming to see her at least once a month. Except these weekends,we were talking or texting to each other everyday.

During my long distance visits, when we were together, she was meeting with me and we were sleeping together in the same bed, we kissed, we made out (which includes playing with our genital organs,kissing etc.) but not finished full sex as I did not bring any condoms during my visits and she was scared to get pregnant doing it without protection. I also did not want to rush anything as I was still feeling she has some pain from her past relationship and I wanted to give her time.

However when we were far from each other or meet at weekend trips, we were talking each other with romantic words such as "I love you a lot, I miss you a lot,my love, sweetie, babe etc." We even had discussed of living together, me either moving to her state or she moves to my state.

 

One day she told me she has to suffer a lot from her previous relationship in order to jump to next relationship with me and she wants to finalize it in her brain although it was officially over long time ago,so she wanted to see her ex boyfriend whom he left her 1.5 years ago and moved to a foreign country. Even though I did not like the idea, I supported her and she stayed there for 1 month and turned back to the USA with physical and emotional abuse from him.

 

I always supported her difficult times there and we were constantly in touch during her overseas travel .After her return she seemed to be much better and we were getting more deeply involved. However 4 months later after she is back to the USA, this time I had to go for a 3 weeks vacation to Europa to see my parents.

 

During my absence, she made a stupid thing. She went to another state for 1 month and met with her old friends over there. During one of the party days, she got extremely drunk and slept with her old ex. ( The ex from 5-6 years ago whom she had stayed friends later)

 

When I was back to the USA 1 week later after this, she was crying all the time and telling me she is very sad. She was ignoring my calls. (At that time I wasn't knowing she had sex, I thought she has a different problem)

After a couple of days, when she finally picked up my call, she had told me she needs time to recover from her own problems , she loves me a lot and I am also her good friend as well. I had told her I will always be beside her of her difficult times, as I love her a lot and want her to be happy.

 

 

Anyway, 1 month later I decided to visit her at her birthday, but booom! She found it she got pregnant from her party travel just before my arrival!!! At the beginning I showed her extremely big reaction but decided to accept her and her child. After having multiple discussions (all happened via text as she was escaping to talk face to face) she always denied that the thing she did was not a cheating, she told me that she always considered me as a friend only and not boyfriend/girlfriend and I will always stay as a friend. ( All of the sudden I was pushed to friend zone. No more sweet talks or hugging etc.) Whenever I asked from her an excuse or an apologize, she always get upset to me and she told me, she never loved me, she loved her old ex at one time. Whenever I asked her how it happened, she always told me she does not want to talk about him and she does not remember anything.

 

She also cut all the contact with her old ex because he did not want to have the baby and she decided to keep it (It is going to be her first child).

She also told me,she hates him very much.

 

She wanted to stay friends with me but as she did not want to accept the mistake she did to me and refused to say sorry, I ended up my friendship with her. Although she is alone right now and got support only from her family, she seems very happy to have a baby,as I saw recently her baby shower pictures on FB at common friends. (She wanted to invite me to her baby shower but I refused to go) It seems like the only thing she wants to have is the baby. Before ending up my contact I had asked her what she is going to do with her life, she had told me she is going to continue to live in her current state,although she does not want it. She also told me she is very scared and she really does not know what to do, but her love will keep the baby happy.

 

Sometimes I feel bad about baby as he will grow without father and I want to help her and whenever I told her once, she had told me I am very sweet and happy for my support. But on the other hand, I cant accept her as she denies the thing she did was not a cheating as per her thinking.

 

Did I make a good decision by ending up my contact with her totally? Or should I continue to stay as friends with her? How I should move on? I am not happy in either way.

Edited April 11, 2012 by confusedguy2

[Mr Scorpio]

Yes. You made the right decision by ending your contact with her. Sadly, it doesn't sound like she was ever committed to you. She is in a very rough situation. I don't think you want to be a part of that.

[CC12]

I think the reason you had for ending the friendship was not a very good one. In my opinion, she didn't owe you an explanation or apology, because it was pretty clear that you two didn't have a committed relationship so she was free to sleep with other people. You're more than welcome to have a problem with her sleeping around, but I don't think it's right to demand an apology from her. You just have to walk away.

 

I do think it's probably best for you not to be friends with her. You seem to want more than friendship, but she doesn't. And I'd imagine it will be very painful for you to see her raising her baby alone and possibly dating other men.

 

Try to move on by not seeing or speaking to her anymore. She's going to be starting a new life as a single mother, so you should start a new life too, one that doesn't involve her.

[confusedguy2]

I think the reason you had for ending the friendship was not a very good one. In my opinion, she didn't owe you an explanation or apology, because it was pretty clear that you two didn't have a committed relationship so she was free to sleep with other people. You're more than welcome to have a problem with her sleeping around, but I don't think it's right to demand an apology from her.

 

.

 

Today she gave a birth to the child which she had it from affair. She seems very happy and shared news with all of her friends knowing the fact she is going to raise it alone with no dad.

I don't know whether I made the right thing or not but I broke the NC and sent her a congratulations message to her e-mail and explained her she was right, after reading your responses above. It made me feel I was unfair to her,so therefore I shared her happiness.

 

I guess I made a terrible mistake

[LasVegasGuy]

So I take it that you had feelings for her and thats why you were upset.

 

Now lets talk about something, would you be willing to raise the child with her? Take over as a father figure?

[confusedguy2]

So I take it that you had feelings for her and thats why you were upset.

 

Now lets talk about something, would you be willing to raise the child with her? Take over as a father figure?

 

Thats a very good question, I asked this to myself,too And yes, I would for sure. His dad abandoned him and I can never play with the hopes and feelings of a little innocent child . I would give my whole support to him. To be honest, currently I love him more than her.

 

In this whole situation her attitude bothers me more than having a child. How come a woman can tell me " I love you, I miss you etc.,ask from me to call her from overseas " and then 10 days later getting drunk and sleeping with ex when I was far from her? Let's say it was a mistake, why it is hard to confront and say sorry and instead of that, pointing fingers at me showing I was having a misconception in my mind? When we had arguments, she even told me she loved her ex once and considered me always as a friend after we shared all these together, I was like wtf!

Sometimes I really feel bad for the child as he will never know his biological father but she is not worried and still happy about the current situation. She is not worried about my feelings either too.

Edited April 25, 2012 by confusedguy2