somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 QUOTE=Chubbi Hugh, if you can get her on a date sometime, you MUST drop the nice-guy attitude. If she is a young woman, it will be exceptionally boring for her, she will get everything she wants from you, basically all your attention, and she will feel nothing because you're too boring. If she says, I want to do this; I bet you say, "it's whatever you want." That is good for long-term relationships but it can be boring when you're first meeting someone. Make sure you have an opinion on something and tell her what you want, and then try to sound like you wouldn't care if she doesn't like it. You must detach, act aloof, and act like a douche just a small bit for her to notice, and then switch back over to your normal self. In your house, take up all the room on the couch, and when she says where am I going to sit, then you say, "Oh! I forgot" and then scoot over. That's a little bit of a douche, but just enough of a nice guy too. I would say you need to be assertive, but I think you should bump it up a lot. --------- Games for the win?
SJC2008 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Well it's over the top IMO but I get the jest of it. I kinda thought the last girl tested me on date 2 because I wanted to sit in a booth and she wanted to sit by the bar bc she wanted to watch the game. I didn't have a problem at all so I said ok. If it was a test I failed lol but that's not how you find out a man is a doormat. Knowing my luck if I said no she woulda though I was an arsehole lol.
Author somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I wonder if I can be a total nice guy and do whatever she wants, as long as I give her a little smack every now and then just to let her know I care?
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Hugh should have moved on from that broad ages ago.
Author somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I'm not talking about Hugh, just what Chubbi said and if any other women think the same way.
SJC2008 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I don't think I was a "nice guy" IMO. On our third date when we finished the exhibit I said I wasn't impressed and she immediately said "I had a good time". I don't think a nice guy woulda said that. It was just my opinion, I wan't trying to be rude.
SJC2008 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 @Oxy: You seem like the alpha male type so out of curiosity would you have gone along with her wanting to sit somewhere else to watch the game?
Feelsgoodman Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I wonder if I can be a total nice guy and do whatever she wants, as long as I give her a little smack every now and then just to let her know I care? You can't act as a "total nice guy" even if you are the biggest, baddest, meanest motherf*cker who just broke out of jail after spending 17 years behind bars for tripple homicide. You just can't be a nice guy with women...it's as simple as that. As they say, there are only three things in life that are certain: death, taxes and nice guys finishing last.
prune juice Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 lots of women are the same way. hell lots of women are even worse. be nice, but not too nice be aloof, but no too aloof. girls say "no games" but that's meaningless.
Author somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Does that mean it's important to disagree with her just because? "Hey babe, I really want to give you head." "I don't like oral" O.o
prune juice Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 You can't act as a "total nice guy" even if you are the biggest, baddest, meanest motherf*cker who just broke out of jail after spending 17 years behind bars for tripple homicide. You just can't be a nice guy with women...it's as simple as that. As they say, there are only three things in life that are certain: death, taxes and nice guys finishing last. nice guys often don't finish at all or become not nice.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 @Oxy: You seem like the alpha male type so out of curiosity would you have gone along with her wanting to sit somewhere else to watch the game? No, I wouldn't have gone along with her. Either she sits next to me or she leaves. If she feels comfortable being in my house, it makes no sense for her to feel uncomfortable sitting next to me.
prune juice Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Does that mean it's important to disagree with her just because? "Hey babe, I really want to give you head." "I don't like oral" O.o disagreeing is part of the "mating ritual" that gals try to put guys through. but you had better disagree at the right moment or else she'll drop you like a hot potato. good luck figuring out when that moment is.
SJC2008 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 No, I wouldn't have gone along with her. Either she sits next to me or she leaves. If she feels comfortable being in my house, it makes no sense for her to feel uncomfortable sitting next to me. We sat together, didn't mean to make it sound like she sat by herself.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 We sat together, didn't mean to make it sound like she sat by herself. Wait...are you talking about yourself, Hugh HardCastle, or somedude?
Author somedude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 We're not talking about Hugh in this thread. I just thought Chubbi's post deserved it's own thread. disagreeing is part of the "mating ritual" that gals try to put guys through. but you had better disagree at the right moment or else she'll drop you like a hot potato. good luck figuring out when that moment is. Hmm.
ponsettia Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I'm not talking about Hugh, just what Chubbi said and if any other women think the same way. Personally I'd rather have a "boring" guy than "Mr Exciting". I'm not, and never was, a party animal or wild child, that lifestyle never held any appeal for me. Makes me a dead loss as a potential GF, from what I've been told
xxoo Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 You must detach, act aloof, and act like a douche just a small bit for her to notice, and then switch back over to your normal self. I disagree with the argument, but see a different idea in there. If it is early dating, you should be detached and a little equivocal about the girl and the possible relationship (which could come off as aloof). Never be a douche, not even a little bit. If you are always agreeing with her, that comes across as insincere, trying too hard. In the early days, it is about making an impression. You don't want to give the impression that you are desperate. This shouldn't require faking, unless you really are desperate 2
Kamille Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Agree with XXOO I've dumped a guy because he was too obvious in trying to "not be a nice guy". Randomly disagreeing with someone just to have game is the insecure man's way of not playing nice. Do it if that's all you've got. Confident guys tend to amp up sexual tension using playful flirtation. That's, imho, the best way to not get slagged as a nice guy. It doesn't involve randomly disagreeing with a girl in order to demonstrate you're not a nice guy. It involves showing you're confident and in control by ramping up the sexual tension. And, whoever was wondering if he should have said no about sitting at the bar: really? To me it sounds like she was trying to impress you by displaying an interest in sport. Go sit at the bar and make a wager on the game. That's how you do it.
Emilia Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 We sat together, didn't mean to make it sound like she sat by herself. So I assume she politely asked you to sit at the bar together so she could watch the game. If you think you are doormat for going along with this then you are pretty insecure I think. It's polite to be easygoing about someone's request like that, many of us like watching sport in bars anyway. The only reason you could be miffed is if you wanted her to talk and you thought she was being rude by watching the telly instead. That I would understand.
zengirl Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I disagree with the argument, but see a different idea in there. If it is early dating, you should be detached and a little equivocal about the girl and the possible relationship (which could come off as aloof). Never be a douche, not even a little bit. If you are always agreeing with her, that comes across as insincere, trying too hard. In the early days, it is about making an impression. You don't want to give the impression that you are desperate. This shouldn't require faking, unless you really are desperate Right. Most people don't really have to try at that part, IME, but people who have little relationship experience or really want a new relationship may struggle more, especially if they feel they have few prospects. This is where the phrase, "Be yourself," often comes in, which really means, "Don't bend over backwards to please someone you barely know," more than what it literally says---because I guess some people are being themselves when they do that. *shrug* I've dumped a guy because he was too obvious in trying to "not be a nice guy". As have I. Any whiff of douchebag and I was always out. ASAP.
counterman Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 You can't be something you're not. Even if you do manage to fake it, you're real self would come out sooner or later. I've seen nice guys try to be more assertive by disagreeing with what a girl says and acting a bit like a douchebag/jerk, for example, by giving her back-handed compliments, insulting her a little, not letting her have her way at all, overall being a smartass... and when it's not 'working', they get angry and, most of the time, they become even more of a doucebag. These guys try too hard. A few years ago, I tried this... and I hated that I was doing it. I was insecure and lacking self-esteem. I've had a few jealous boyfriends want to give me a piece of their mind when their girlfriends responded to me better. Why? Because all their effort spent appearing to be more 'alpha' in front of their girlfriends wasn't working and had little effect on me. Know yourself, develop that confidence and your assertiveness would come naturally. If I agree with a girl, I agree with her, if I don't, I don't -- there's no pretending. I have a friend who's naturally good with girls. He's a bit of a jerk and he admits it too, but he's full of masculinity. He exudes confidence, he's assertive and he flirts with girls VERY well (plus, he's very good looking). Girls approach him at clubs. It is these qualities that make him desirable and on top of that, he has this I-don't-give-a-**** what people think attitude, which in itself is attractive.
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