Ladyv2112 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Hey everyone, I started dating this amazing guy awhile ago & i love everything about him & our relationship is great. But the thing is, he has a child. He told me he had a baby & I thought I would be comfortable with it, but now I'm starting to feel different & overwhelmed because of it. Is this normal? This is my 1st time dating someone with a kid, so this is all new to me. Have you ladies or men ever been in this situation? I don't wanna breakup with him, I think I'm just overwhelmed. Can you share your experiences/advice with me? Thanks in advance
veggirl Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 How often does he have the kid? How old is the kid? What's the R like with the mom? Find those things out. I dated a guy with a kid once. TOTAL DEALBREAKER NOW. (sorry). Too much drama with the mom. The child was kinda annoying and it made planning things too difficult. Not interested in that. Plus I don't want kids, so there's that too... 1
Jane2011 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I've dated a guy with a kid. He was 30 and had a 7 year old son. It didn't bother me because I wasn't in it for the long haul; just six months, as a matter of fact. His son was very cute. In general, I'd prefer a guy with no kid.
Author Ladyv2112 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 How often does he have the kid? How old is the kid? What's the R like with the mom? Find those things out. I dated a guy with a kid once. TOTAL DEALBREAKER NOW. (sorry). Too much drama with the mom. The child was kinda annoying and it made planning things too difficult. Not interested in that. Plus I don't want kids, so there's that too... He has him every other weekend & the baby is only a couple of months old. His relationship with his "BM" is okay. They don't speak often unless it's about the kid. At first she tried breaking us up by telling his family dumb stuff about them having another baby, but I made sure he checked her on that.
woots31 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I am a mother of two children. My son is almost twelve and spends most of his time at his fathers, my daughter is eight and she spends most of her time with me. This is a completely different dynamic then what you are describing. My worry always has to be about if the person I may see or want to date may change due to my children. My worry in your situation is, he has a baby with another woman, this child is a couple of months old. It begs me to ask about him and the child's mothers relationship. Did they split while she was pregnant, is it too soon for you to worry about your future with this man, are you in it for fun or for forever? When children are involved it makes every relationship different. If you are not comfortable with someone putting their child before you, do not date someone with a child. In your case the child is to young to know the effects of his parent dating, further down the road it becomes more about the child then not.
Author Ladyv2112 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I am a mother of two children. My son is almost twelve and spends most of his time at his fathers, my daughter is eight and she spends most of her time with me. This is a completely different dynamic then what you are describing. My worry always has to be about if the person I may see or want to date may change due to my children. My worry in your situation is, he has a baby with another woman, this child is a couple of months old. It begs me to ask about him and the child's mothers relationship. Did they split while she was pregnant, is it too soon for you to worry about your future with this man, are you in it for fun or for forever? When children are involved it makes every relationship different. If you are not comfortable with someone putting their child before you, do not date someone with a child. In your case the child is to young to know the effects of his parent dating, further down the road it becomes more about the child then not. Him & the baby's mom were never together, they just messed around. I can say we both agreed this is the best relationship we have been in & call each other our "soul mates".
sigurpol Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I had a short lived experience with someone who had a three year old. She didn't really keep it a secret, but would drop her son's name every now and again. Eventually I asked who this person was and she said, "oh, my son". I was 23, as was she at the time. At 23, I was not ready for any of this. I do not want kids to begin with, so I was overwhelmed. However, I really liked this person and I understood that a relationship works both ways, so I did my best to get along with him. Well, it didn't work. The kid was totally out of control. We would go out for dinner and he would run around the place, throwing things, and she was a push-over of a mother. She would be so embarrassed afterwards, would apologize to me a million times (especially when he threw things at me), but I always told her it was okay, that he's just a kid. Before I told her that this wasn't going to work, she told me she had to move states away and thus, we couldn't continue seeing each other. Problem solved. I would say that... I guess it depends on how old YOU are, what it is that you want; are you okay with this? do you feel you have enough time and willing to drop your plans if something comes up? Takes a commitment.
phineas Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 LOL! I've dated mother's with THAT kid. I've got kids. Their fairly well behaved & don't have to be spoken to by every adult in the room. I meet someone with THAT kid again & i'm done. I understood he had no father but still. I have my own kids & I don't need them bullied or picking up bad behaviors from an older kid.
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