laotzu Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 talk of previous relationships in new relationships? I'm in a new relationship, and there's been a lot of talk of previous relationships as we've gotten to know one another. However, she's far more inclined to mention a casual dating experience she had than I am, and it's begun to bother me. I can't determine who's being insecure here, and all I've said to her is that - while I'm aware we both have pasts - I'm not incredibly interested in hearing about all of her brief dating situations unless there's a broader point she's trying to make. I've often found that she'll mention these situations at really weird times, without any inquiry on my part. I don't get mad, but it does cause me to view her differently. I don't think we need to share random hook-ups, or even just casual, not serious dating/sexual relationships we've had. Am I wrong? The other wrinkle I'll put in here (and I'm not sure if it's related) but she always asks me who I'm texting, even though I've texted around her about three times. She texts around me far more frequently, and I've never said a word. On the one hand, I wonder if I like her more than she likes me. On the other hand, it feels as though she feels insecure, and is trying to make me jealous so I realize that "other people want her", and all that jazz. Thoughts of girls who can write full sentences are especially appreciated.
pteromom Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 There are a few reasons she may do this... - Maybe she feels that her past and hookups are a big part of who she is and she wants to share that with you - Maybe she dated an angry jealous guy before, so she's testing you to make sure you can handle it. - Maybe she WANTS to make you feel jealous and insecure. - Maybe she believes in being open and honest about everything, and doesn't see it as a big deal. This calls for a discussion. Ask her why she mentions her dating past, and let her know it makes you feel a little uncomfortable.
NeverDated Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 My boyfriend has always been really open - to a fault - about his previous relationships. That's just how he is. It's part of his past and he wants me to know everything about him. The only way you'll find out is to really have an honest conversation on why she brings it up so frequently. It may just be something she's comfortable talking about and may not understand why it makes you uncomfortable. Or you may be right and she's trying to make you feel insecure.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 There are a few reasons she may do this... - Maybe she feels that her past and hookups are a big part of who she is and she wants to share that with you Please tell me you're being sarcastic!
Author laotzu Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Please tell me you're being sarcastic! Haha, seconded.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 There are a few reasons she may do this... - Maybe she feels that her past and hookups are a big part of who she is and she wants to share that with you - Maybe she dated an angry jealous guy before, so she's testing you to make sure you can handle it. - Maybe she WANTS to make you feel jealous and insecure. - Maybe she believes in being open and honest about everything, and doesn't see it as a big deal. This calls for a discussion. Ask her why she mentions her dating past, and let her know it makes you feel a little uncomfortable. This is really great advice. It's not so far fetched that she thinks all her past romantic experieces are part of who she is and wants to share them with you. When a woman is into a guy, she shares a lot of things, even things he might think are no big deal, because she wants him to know her. A lot of women do that. BUT, it could be the other reasons as well. I say you need to talk to her about it too..I'm in total agreement with pteromom.
pteromom Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Please tell me you're being sarcastic! No... not at all. Our sexuality is part of us, and what we've done sexually is part of that... especially for some younger ladies who might feel that a lot of their worth is tied up in men/romance/sex.
january2011 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 My take is that she's been hurt before and her bringing up examples from the past are more along the lines of, "this is what this guy did to me, are you going to do the same and hurt me as well?" Alternatively, you may not be exhibiting actions that she wants and therefore the examples are hints that she would like you to change your behaviour. I suspect that she also feels that she was not in control in her past relationships and wants to do things differently. She also wants to 'control' your behaviour but not her own. Thus the contradictory behaviour regarding texting while together. I'm hesitant to say this, but it's probably a test that's part of her learned coping mechanisms while in the early stages of a relationship. Until you can 'prove' that you're not going to hurt her like the guys in her past and/or that you are different and that this time is different, she's probably not going to let her guard down, relax into the relationship and let it grow organically.
prune juice Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Please tell me you're being sarcastic! another crazy girl. they're just too much for me. they have to muck everything up.
prune juice Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 My take is that she's been hurt before and her bringing up examples from the past are more along the lines of, "this is what this guy did to me, are you going to do the same and hurt me as well?" Alternatively, you may not be exhibiting actions that she wants and therefore the examples are hints that she would like you to change your behaviour. I suspect that she also feels that she was not in control in her past relationships and wants to do things differently. She also wants to 'control' your behaviour but not her own. Thus the contradictory behaviour regarding texting while together. I'm hesitant to say this, but it's probably a test that's part of her learned coping mechanisms while in the early stages of a relationship. Until you can 'prove' that you're not going to hurt her like the guys in her past and/or that you are different and that this time is different, she's probably not going to let her guard down, relax into the relationship and let it grow organically. he should be wary of her.
Recommended Posts