sta Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 will try to keep this short, been together 10 years very happy the majority of the time. One split for about 6 months. He was my best friend and I believe the love of my life. Whilst we were very happy in each others company it was viewed as a "odd" relationship to many outsiders. We did not live together, even after 10 years. For the last 4 months we have not been getting on like we used to. Arguing over silly small comments and bickering, not over anything important or serious but a lot of bickering. 4 months ago, before the bickering started I asked my bf about the future and whether we could look at moving things forward regards to living together, having children (in the next few years - not immediately). This is something we have always talked about and both always expressed a desire for but the time never seemed to be right. My bf took some time to think about this and came back saying yes he wanted all this and we would look to make the first steps towards it this year. Then came the bickering... we have had time apart on my bf's request as it was all getting to him (and me) and he has tonight told me that he has to finish with me. The reasons he gave were that he could not see how we could make it better and he didn't have the effort left anymore to try. Heartbroken doesn't begin to describe it. I can not see my life without him in it and can not believe all the memories we have and the funny little "in" couple jokes we had are over. I did everything he asked, I have given him weeks on his own to decide what he wants. I'm sorry this has become long, I am posting this as I just really can't see a way that I can get over it and I am really struggling right now. Please, if anyone has any advice please....
Mr Scorpio Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 First, don't feel bad for posting a "long" message. There have been plenty longer ones posted on here. Now, as for advice: there are a lot of stories you can read on here about people facing the same struggle you are. A lot of people found this site after being dumped. I advise you to read some other people's experiences so that you have something to relate to. Beyond that, I will offer you what others offered me. Be kind to yourself. Realize that healing -- especially from the loss of a ten-year relationship -- will take time. For the first week or so, give yourself license to lie around in bed watching sad movies, listening to sad music, reading sad stories. Let yourself feel what you're going through. After that, as your appetite and ability to sleep return, begin taking small steps to become more active. Keep busy! Read books, exercise, learn new recipes, exercise, start a new hobby, volunteer your time, exercise. And above all else, do not contact your ex unless necessary! And since you weren't living together, I don't think it will be necessary.
Philosoraptor Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Right now you need to only be concerned with yourself. Being without someone that you have been with so long hurts, and it will take time to properly grieve, but you can make it through. I'm going to be brutally honest with you here... someone who has been with you 10 years but can not even commit to living with you wasn't going to commit to much more than what you had already. Moving in triggered him to flip the switch, likely because he did not want more than he had with you.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I'm going to be brutally honest with you here... someone who has been with you 10 years but can not even commit to living with you wasn't going to commit to much more than what you had already. Moving in triggered him to flip the switch, likely because he did not want more than he had with you. This. He was probably afraid of the commitment. If it were just you, he probably wouldn't have stuck it out for the 10 years.
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