Being Obese. How does it effect social circle, relationships

[Rimer]

I'm wondering.. because I'm hovering around being obese (now i've started going to the gym again and eating healthier) but I feel like new people I meet ignore me. Sure I got low self esteem and low confidence too but i'll talk to people I have no problem with that but I feel like people look down at me. I meet a lot new people and change phone numbers, facebook and such and rarely ever hear from them again. I'm wondering is it because I'm obese, low selfesteem and confidence. I feel like people don't want to be involved with obese people. How about girls? I can chat up any girl but none are really THAT interested in me hooking up (ok I might come threw too clingy, needy, desperate too). I hear all this BS that how you look doesn't matter but IMO it's BS. What do you think?

[NeverDated]

What do you think?

I think what other people actually think about your body and physical appearance is pretty irrelevant at this point. You are hung up on your weight, so you will see every negative reaction as related to your weight. Most of the time when you exchange numbers/Facebook/etc, you never hear or speak to that person again. Really has little to do with your weight.

 

As far as actual experience, in hindsight, I had an easier time making friends at my heaviest (280 pounds @ 5'6") than I do now that I've lost [almost] all the extra weight. I got more male attention, but it wasn't the "right" kind. I have a harder time hitting it off with other women, and have found that many of the women I do hit it off with are two-faced or drama queens. At least when I was obese, people were genuine.

 

Troubles with finding romantic interests...not going to lie, many women are not willing to look past weight. Men are expected to be much more in shape/athletic, so if you're very heavy, many women will immediately assume you are lazy (whether or not it's true).

[Rimer]

I think what other people actually think about your body and physical appearance is pretty irrelevant at this point. You are hung up on your weight, so you will see every negative reaction as related to your weight. Most of the time when you exchange numbers/Facebook/etc, you never hear or speak to that person again. Really has little to do with your weight.

 

As far as actual experience, in hindsight, I had an easier time making friends at my heaviest (280 pounds @ 5'6") than I do now that I've lost [almost] all the extra weight. I got more male attention, but it wasn't the "right" kind. I have a harder time hitting it off with other women, and have found that many of the women I do hit it off with are two-faced or drama queens. At least when I was obese, people were genuine.

 

Troubles with finding romantic interests...not going to lie, many women are not willing to look past weight. Men are expected to be much more in shape/athletic, so if you're very heavy, many women will immediately assume you are lazy (whether or not it's true).

 

That really hit me. It's so true that I see any negative reaction (like not contacting me) that it has to do with my weight, confidence or who I am in general. I feel like I'm giving off a negative wibe all the time. I guess I should be more the initiator with new friends as most people have a large group of friends already and won't be contacting you that easily. Then again.. Maybe these new people aren't the right kinda people for me. There 99% people I've met at bars and people who drink every weekend. I want to get out of that situation and start meeting healthier people and that has lower chance happening at bars.

 

As for being lazy. Yes I am I'm one of those people. "Next monday I'll start this and that" and once Monday comes by nothing happens. I know more action less BS talk

 

Congratz on losing the weight!

[alphamale]

yes, obese people are discriminated in many areas of life. thats just the way it is i guess

[quankanne]

like anything else, it's what you make of it. Kinda like when you buy a new car ... you suddenly see that model EVERYWHERE, but realistically, you know that not everyone is driving a screaming green VW Beetle.

 

if you're going to have a negative attitude about your weight issues, you'll seemingly notice others have a negative attitude about your weight issues. We set the tone as far as how others treat us.

 

sure, people notice my weight, but because I've got the kind of personality I do, the focus seems to shift very quickly to that. I make friends easily, despite the whole fat thing. So yeah, it's what you make of the situation ... i.e., let your personality shine through and people will pick up on that more than they do the packaging!

[whichwayisup]

. I'm wondering is it because I'm obese, low selfesteem and confidence

 

Probably more low self esteem and low self confidence. That's kind of negative energy and seems to repell people more than being big or obese. At least that's how I see it.

[FitChick]

Lose the weight and see if there is a difference in how people react.

[RiverRunning]

There is a difference in how people treat you when you're heavier. I'm on the verge of being overweight (down from morbidly obese). And, well, would be considered overweight if the BMI standards hadn't changed in 1998...

 

Part of it is confidence. You're heavier and you expect to be treated worse: your self-confidence and self-esteem start to nose-dive. You lose weight and start to build up confidence again, but that's not all of it.

 

I have always had pictures of myself on-line, on Facebook, etc. Suddenly after getting to this weight, I had 2 - 4 guys sending me messages on Facebook, giving me their phone numbers, asking if we could go out on dates because they think I'm 'gorgeous.' That never would have happened when I was heavier, and in fact never did.

 

Life is about your looks - a great deal of it anyway. I'm willing to bet men are much more severe about women being thin and in shape than women are about men. Largeness is valued in a man - of course, if it's from muscle it's the preference. But I do think many women will date a heavier guy rather than the other way around.

 

Just in my personal experience, my past relationships have been the exception, not the rule - I've dated two skinny guys while being obese myself. The second ex eventually got to be 10 - 20 pounds overweight.

 

Most of the time, I see thin girls with overweight or obese guys.

[danmorisson]

I'm wondering.. because I'm hovering around being obese (now i've started going to the gym again and eating healthier) but I feel like new people I meet ignore me. Sure I got low self esteem and low confidence too but i'll talk to people I have no problem with that but I feel like people look down at me. I meet a lot new people and change phone numbers, facebook and such and rarely ever hear from them again. I'm wondering is it because I'm obese, low selfesteem and confidence. I feel like people don't want to be involved with obese people. How about girls? I can chat up any girl but none are really THAT interested in me hooking up (ok I might come threw too clingy, needy, desperate too). I hear all this BS that how you look doesn't matter but IMO it's BS. What do you think?

 

Of course looks matter. People on forums talk **** mf. You've no chance if you're obese if you keep your average Joe status. Became famous or lose weight. Both genders require looks but women go for looks and/or status

[danmorisson]

 

Most of the time, I see thin girls with overweight or obese guys.

 

Dude seriously, quit talking utter bollocks. You're just giving people false hope with your crap. Thin women do not date obese men unless these men are famous (I.e. Sumo wrestlers etc)

 

Only thin males date obese women and even that is not that common (fat fetish thing)

 

He should lose the weight. Being realistic, he should shed a few pounds

[JesseJames]

I would certainly ignore you. I got put in jail for even mentioning obese and lazy in the same sentence.... they threw the incitement flag at me. Keep in mind I'm one of the most thoughtful people ever. However, so many times these days I have to tippie-toe around matters of this lifestyle that I'm so tired of it and now I'll just flat ignore the whole thing if I'm not trying to snap someone's will to live. lol I'm so that tired of it.

[danmorisson]

Also, he has a better shot in the UK. I've noticed that a lot of Americans have this winner/loser mentality. Women in the UK are not obsessed with the word 'loser'. I hear that word online a lot and it's always Americans that say it

[danmorisson]

lol.. fat people are detested, get over it.

 

Correction: 'Some' fat people are detested. Famous fat people are generally accepted.

 

People on this forum acknowledge these things Mental Health Forum

[johan]

Well, obviously the circle has to be a bit bigger.

[danmorisson]

Yep, famous fat ppl are generally accepted. Now don't argue or hate on me just because I'm implying that famous people aren't Gods

 

I say the same sort of stuff on this forum and I'm getting on great with everyone on there, including the mods Mental Health Forum