B00533842 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 So I will start from the start. Me and a girl met on New Years Eve. We kissed at midnight and we started dating. She is 27 and I am 21. She was so intimate with me. She held my face when we kissed, we were very loving towards each other and had romantic dates. She seemed as close to perfect as I have ever met! However, she was a little critical of me at times and said her opinion on things too much. We dated for two months, she was speaking of future plans for us and she was gaining more interest in me. However, she ran into an ex at a petrol station and he told her he knew she was dating a younger man. She told me on the last date we went on. She called me up a few days later and dropped a bombshell that things were not working out. I said i respected her decision. She said there was no chemistry and the age thing! Would you continue dating for 8 weeks if age really bothered you?? She was having a hard time at work and a week later after no contact I hand wrote her a letter asking if she wanted to take things slower. She declined and said she made the right decision. A further few weeks pass of No contact and she messages me on facebook asking how I am, then she asked if i was dating the girl I got a photo with on a night out and talking about a meal I used to cook for her that she loved. After messaging I assumed she was interested and asked her if she wanted to see me again. AGAIN SHE DECLINED, I was flirting with her and made it obvious I had some interest, she said if she had of known that it would have made me think she was interested she wouldnt have messaged me. I said that I didnt want to remain friends as I want to get over her. I told her that If I see her I will be nice and say Hi but thats it! A week passes and I see her on a date with someone. I said hello and she didnt aknowledge me whatsoever!! I was slightly annoyed but I didnt beat myself up about it. Then she messages me saying "Sorry I couldnt chat, I hope you are ok?" Then LAST NIGHT, me and a girl are chatting, kissing, having a drink and really getting on well. Wait for the hollywood moment. Who walks in???? THE EX! she didnt aknowlege me and I didnt aknowledge her! She hasnt messaged me since. So here are the questions: 1) If she said she wasnt interested then why is she still messaging me? 2) Why would you date someone for 8 weeks if age really bothered you? 3) Is she potentially jealous? 4) WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW???? Really appreciate some help on this one
bigmomma1974 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 moving on is probably the best option for you. As for dating someone for 8 weeks and the age thing, maybe it did bug her and it took her that long to realize it. One will never know because people are so different. If you and this lady was ment to be it would have been, but something stopped her from wanting to be with you. So take this as a lesosn learned a fun experience and move on.. Good luck
EgoJoe Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 You got used, she did an "emotional transfer" and you were her "hot young stud" for two months. Block her and go bang other broads. 1
Author B00533842 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 What is that? tell me more. Slightly confused.
Author B00533842 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 She messaged me after I saw her on a date with someone asking if I was ok? Then last night she saw me with a girl, I saw her sitting down whilst her friends were dancing and she looked as if she was texting and not dancing or having fun! Should I message her back? In reply to the one asking me if I was ok? Or do I leave it completely? Dont get me wrong. I do want this girl back!
lizardking8610 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Do me a favor, heck, do yourself a favor don't let somebody play you like that. I know with matters of the heart and loins that our better judgment is skewed. Fact: This woman treated you very disrespectfully Fiction: She is the one for you If someone is going to treat you like that after 8 weeks I would think twice... when someone shows you who they are, save yourself some pain in the future, believe them. Actions speak louder than words my friend
Author B00533842 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 Its tough lizard king! We were so close and intimate and seemed genuine. She did have a few criticisms and talked about her exes a bit. When I told her to stop it...she did! She was speaking futuristically and when we broke up she said "You are pefect, you check all the boxes and have done nothing wrong, however I dont feel the chemistry". What I want to know is.....Why did she initiate contact initially through facebook asking how I am, If im dating a certain girl and talking about a meal I used to make her??? And if I was ok after having seen her with a guy! Why would she do that if she didnt care? Thats what is weird! She saw me with a girl last night. She hasnt messaged. I am tempted to message her. What do you think. Im so confused.
Million.to.1 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 she doesn't want you.... but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. That is the only reason she is messaging you, because she knows it will make you think there is a chance when there isn't. She is confused and is acting childish. If she really cared about your happiness she would leave you alone and give you the space and time to move forward, not message you things like "are you ok" when she is out with another guy! Best thing you can is move on. Maybe tell her to stop contacting you and avoid places where you may bump into her until you feel indifferent towards her. 1
lizardking8610 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 The question you should ask yourself is... who is she to even be contacting you after you saw her with another man? Are you comfortable being replaced so quickly? Imagine if the relationship was further along and you were seriously emotionally invested. Count yourself lucky that she made her true colors known early on and probably saved you from some future heartache. If I were you I would lick my wounds, take this one on the chin, cut her off and move on with your life. Don't get played like a fiddle, a second string fiddle at that! You don't need this drama and if you pursue her that is exactly what you are going to get! 1
tears_in_rain Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 From what I read I don't think she really wants real emotional attachment to you or anyone else. She still interested in being a free spirit. Even though you may tick boxes for her she not ready to settle down with your particular set of boxes. She a jumper. From place to place. Party to party. Man to man. Don't worry about this one mate ! You'll find another cute girl who'll do all the nice things she did and a lot more. Someone who'll invest in you as much as you want to invest in them. Emotionally & physically. It may not be the next one or the one after that but you'll get there.
Author B00533842 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 thank you for your honesty. It is good to have neutral perspectuves as my friends and family know this girl. It is hard to accept but I know I have to move on. Truth is, when we were together I felt so happy to be getting the attention of an attractive, successful, older and affectionate lady. I know she is playing games now but she was so gentle and I loved her touch. Why would she break up with me and then not want me to have anyone else? That part is confusing me.
lizardking8610 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 its simple....guys do it all the time she wants you on the backburner ie she wants you to be available to attend to her needs when she wants them attended to by you or when there is no one else available. You're a classic backup plan...sad but true.... it doesn't reflect negatively on you as a person though In fact it is quite the opposite, it is truly revealing of her personality.... You've been warned!
Author B00533842 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 It is just so strange! it is not normal at all. If i broke up with a girl I certainly would not message asking if she is okay or even initiate contact if there wasnt a single piece of interest! I am at the stage of disbelief almost! I definately dont want to be a backup plan. if she asks to talk to me again and mentions reconsidering our courtship should i go for it? as i have broken up with girls, went on dates then realised what i had thrown away! i will maimtain no contact. im certain she will recontact when she realises i was of comfort when she needed it! what should i do when this happens? should i dismiss her right away??
lizardking8610 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 It's a no brainer, but if you want to draw it out.... ask her "wtf"? See what she says and does
Author B00533842 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I believe I may have made a grave error.. my ex messaged me after she saw me on her date saying "sorry I couldnt talk to you...I hope you are ok". 4 days have passed and I messaged her back saying "sorry I couldnt talk to you on Monday nigh. I hope you are ok too". Is this a grave error? Or will it really get her juices going and make her think that I am over her too? HELP!!
gibson Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) I believe I may have made a grave error.. my ex messaged me after she saw me on her date saying "sorry I couldnt talk to you...I hope you are ok". 4 days have passed and I messaged her back saying "sorry I couldnt talk to you on Monday nigh. I hope you are ok too". Is this a grave error? Or will it really get her juices going and make her think that I am over her too? HELP!! You haven't listened to a thing we have said so far so whatever we say now is going to be pointless. You are going to see this through no matter what. Don't sweat it though... We have been in your shoes before and did exactly what you are doing now. Which is, learning some tough life / love lessons, the hard way. When it's all over and done, post back here with what it is you learned and realized from your experience. Best of luck to you... P.S. - In case you didn't know... They do not call it learning the hard way, for nothing. Consider yourself warned. Edited April 11, 2012 by gibson
Author B00533842 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 well I have just had a reply! she said she didnt see me. despite us beng at the next table! If she didnt care would she not say something like "its ok i didnt want to interrupt or something?"
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