Downtown Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Comorbid BPD with bipolar is a very real possibility (though each are fairly rare, it seems that BPD rates are much higher [relatively speaking] in Bipolars.Yes, Pens, it is not uncommon for the two disorders to occur together. A recent large scale study of nearly 35,000 adults (pub. 2008) found that 36% of adults with lifetime Bipolar-I also have lifetime BPD -- and that 32% of adults with lifetime BPD also have lifetime Bipolar-I. The same study found that 6% of the adult population has BPD at the diagnostic level at some time in their lives. When you add in those having strong BPD traits that fall short of the diagnostic level, that figure may rise to 8 or 9% of the population. If so, the problem is at least as common as being left handed (i.e., 1 in 12). The complete study results are shown at Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Borderline Personality Disorder: Results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions.From what I understand, BPD can often be misdiagnosed for a decent period of time as bipolar.Yes, that is believed to be a common problem. Another problem is that, for reasons I've explained elsewhere, therapists are loath to tell a high functioning BPDer the true name of her disorder. Instead, they will list the "diagnosis" as one of the co-occurring Axis I disorders, which -- unlike BPD -- are covered by insurance and have no bad social stigma attached.
Mack05 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) I am going to view this in a different way and not analyze your ex but your actions. The biggest problem here is that you didn't properly grieve your long term relationship. You were 19 when you got together with you long term ex. You break up at 26/27 the world looks a very different place. This leaves you extremely vulnerable. What should happen is you make a pact to yourself to stay single for a year because you need plenty of time to grieve and heal from a relationship that long. Sadly we are only human and prone to mistakes so usually two things usually happen here. The long term couple get back together because of the 'fear' of being isolated and facing the world on your own. Or, one of them in their vulnerable state enters a new relationship on the rebound. When we enter a relationship in any kind of a vulnerable state, we are automatically attracting the wrong type of partner. People will fool themselves and convince themselves I am in control of the situation, where the reality couldn't be further from the truth. As soon as you physically connect everything goes out the window. Fantastic sex goes hand and hand with toxic/intense relationships. This is a 'false' bond. It's not an emotional bond. What is happening under the surface is that both if you have huge emotional gaps and you are filling them in the wrong way. The fantastic sex is the glue holding you both together. It feels better then it did with your ex, because it has so much more intensity. The emotional gap within you is having your best friend of 7 years no longer in your life, the way he used to be. His emotional gaps are far more complex. This relationship was a trainwreck waiting to happen before it ever got started. What you don't realize is the reasons why you feel so sad. It's two fold. The first is that toxic relationships are the hardest to overcome and more importantly you still have not grieved and healed from your long term ex. If you don't focus on just 'you' for the foreseeable future, you will continue to engage in these types of toxic relationships. You need to make a promise to yourself. To avoid all relationships for at least a year. During this year rebuild your life. Focusing on feeling strong on your own. Focus on your flaws and try to resolve them. Determine the reasons why you couldn't be on your own, after a long term relationship. The best chance a relationship has of success, is two emotionally healthy/mature people happy in their lives coming together. That needs to be your goal for the next year. To work on self esteem, insecurities and to become this emotionally healthy person. Once you achieve this you will avoid relationships like you just came out of and you will attract the right type of partner for you... Edited April 13, 2012 by Mack05 4
Author red83 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 Mack05 I totally agree. I actually feel fortunate right now that the thought of being with a man makes me feel physically sick. I really dont want to be in any relationship right now. Trust me!
Mack05 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) Red I am going to try and attempt to explain the loaded and complex bond between the two of you. This is from personal experience and discussing these complex relationship bonds in therapy and other relationship websites. In these relationships there are two types of people. The insecure/vulnerable person and the complex person. When you first met you saw all the best parts about each other. The attraction was fast and there was a heightened sense of feelings between the two of you. More then you ever would have experienced before. As the relationship goes forward the cracks begin the appear. The insecure person can sense the complex person is hiding something. You don't know what it is, but its there in the back of your mind. You are used to relationships going to the next level. The next level is where you share total openess and honesty and you find yourself liking the person more not less. Yet the course of this relationship is different. The 'I love you' is said a lot sooner then usual. Before the openness and honesty phase has even taken place. Still you are on a rollercoaster and it feels amazing. Why get off! Still during the lull's you think to yourself any person who feels the need to hide their weakness's and vulnerabilities and bury them very very deep that no one can get to, is concerning you (In fact it should be regarded as the biggest red flag you can get in a relationship). The complex person fails to understand that this behavior only pushes the insecure person far far far away..Logic tells you (the insecure person) this but the intense connection you have together means you try push the doubts away. You ignore the inner voice. You still see the many positive attributes to your partner and convince yourself you will figure it out. The nagging doubt still remains. If you cannot honestly show yourself to the other person in the relationship, then you are incapable of truly being honest. A relationship lacking honesty is doomed to fail....You know this, so you begin to push them to open up. The thing is there are not ready to open up. Because of your insecurities, you view this as them not being interested. That they don't feel the same way about you, as you do about them. Your defence mechanisms then kick in and you start to push them away. For awhile they chase you and you get back together. Then you chase them. Still unsure what is exactly going on in the relationship. Still you don't care. You want this person in your life. Eventually the cycle repeats. The more you push your partner to open up the more resentful they become towards you. You want to take a sledgehammer to the emotional wall they have around their heart. Then there can be openness and honesty and then the relationship can proceed the way you want it.. Every person whats to be in a relationship where you are both on the same wavelength and they both feel in control, where communication is easy and everything feels natural. The way you wanted the relationship to proceed was not the way he wanted it to proceed and this is the BIG problem in these types of relationships..That big emotional wall around his heart. He wants someone to take it down brick by brick, when he tells someone he is ready too. He doesn't want you going at it with a sledgehammer without his permission... Yes he wants you to see all of him and then love him, but at his pace. He needs to feel ultra secure before openning up. The problem for you is this can sometimes take up to years. This requires an enormous amount of patience and unselfishness on the insecure persons behalf. Because the insecure person is desperate for the bond to be formed that they crave, he/she more often then not, does not have the capacity to be the right partner for the complex person. The insecure person doesn't understand the complex person's thought process. He/she is actually not meant to. The reactions the insecure person is used to in a healthy relationship (in the past), do not exist in this relationship. The only way these kind of relationships can ever work is a willingness for both too emotionally grow together. Both partners need to understand where the relationship is failing and what needs to be done to resolve. The insecure person needs to resolve the vulnerabilities within them, so that it doesn't effect the relationship. He/she needs to be VERY patience and let the complex person dictate the pace of the relationship. Not only that the insecure persons communication skills must be EXCEPTIONAL so that the complex person always feels at ease, safe and in control. This is very hard. Afterall you have never walked in the complex person's shoes. How are you meant to communicate on their wavelength? It is very hard and requires an anormous amount of self study and emotional growth and maturity. An ability to think outside the box and understand the complexities of their partners. I couldn't do it. Still can't. But I am going to continue to educate myself...This will help me enormously with my communication within a relationship going forward. For the complex person the emotional growth required is usually out of reach. More often then not they are not aware of the total complexity of their issues. They are essentially 'broken' without actually knowing this fact. Trying to 'help' them become self aware will lead to the end of the relationship. They don't want to hear what you have to say when it comes to pointing out any kind of their faults/failings. As far as they are concerned you are at fault and they won't be budged from this opinion. For the complex person in their head, they have an image of a person that will get them and understand them. We are not that person. As soon as we took the slegehammer out, the relationship was doomed. The problem for the complex person is because of their unwillingness to truly look inwards they just keep repeating the same cycles over and over. That is why Red its pointless trying to analyze him or his actions. You will never understand them. If you don't figure out why you got yourself into this situation it will happen again. I am living proof. Two same relationships back to back. You need to turn it inwards. Resolve your vulnerabilities and become emotionally mature/healthy/strong woman you need to be... I would by the book go suck a lemon. Covers everything from insecurities to emotional growth. Focus on rebuilding self esteem after this experience. Work out, do positive things everyday. You will be fine. It's a learning experience and you are still young.. Edited April 13, 2012 by Mack05 2
Author red83 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I just want to thank all you guys for all of your insight and advice the past couple of days. You have all really helped me get through the past few days, and not feel so alone. I am still confused by his behaviour but learning to accept that I may never get answers. And i'll be starting therapy on Monday so hopefully I can start working on my self esteem.
Pens55 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Very wise choice Red. Therapy can do wonders as long as you go in with an open mind and are willing to be truthful. Good luck, and it gets better every day 1
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