lipsticklady Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Hi All, So i’ve got a bit of a dilemma, i’ll try and keep it short and sweet. I have been single for a year and i think i’m ready for a bf. I met this guy a while back in a club. He’s a bit of a party liaison. Always entertaining the who’s who out there. Anyway, we finally got to partying together for my birthday 2 weeks ago, initially it was just a mutual attraction. But after spending the whole weekend with him, i have developed feelings for him. He is always surrounded by his friends, so we never got to speaking much or at least about the topics i was curious about. His statuses on chat are always so deep, and as we were chatting yesterday i asked him what it was about. Turns out his ex gf had left the country, shes absolutely beautiful and foreign. He said that they broke up 5 months ago, and yet i can see he isn’t over her. He mentioned her saying she wants to move back. But at the same time, as we spent the whole weekend together he introduced me to all his fiends as his girl. He’s a very popular and wealthy guy, i never knew that so obviously i was surprised as to how many women literally threw themselves at him. In our case, he pursued me and i came across as intriguing and different to the rest. Thats what caught his attention. Ok, so the deal is... should i let go or hang around? I don’t want to be a rebound and he’s clearly not over his ex gf. Im not sure for how long they were dating. Im also 3 year older than him. He’s 21, but a very matured and nice person, such a gentleman. Everything i could have asked for. Im puzzled, he said he cares about me... he’s known about me for a while because i’m friends with one of his friends. The first time we met i was mean to him thinking hes just another wealthy jerk. He says we will be seeing more of each other, but i can’t control my feelings. Should i just stay away? Or should I take the chance and stick around and get to know him better?
betterdeal Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I'd take it with a pinch of salt. You barely know each other and you've already identified he has some unfinished business to attend to. Enjoy the butterflies in your stomach and the attention by all means, but don't invest too much in it. At some point, if you feel too uncomfortable, you may do well to tell him to get back to you when he's tidied up his loose ends, and then emotionally distance yourself from him. Don't be giving your heart away recklessly. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Fact of the matter is you're extremely likely going to pursue him anyway, I don't know too many women who will make a logical decision over emotions once they've spent a few days with a guy regardless of how bad of an idea it is...unless he pulls away. You're too curious to find out what the potential is....so based on that situation and while you're still somewhat in a conscious state, here's some warnings and likely the reality of it; Do whatever you can from investing too much emotionally early on or you're going to get hurt/disappointed If you think this guy is capable of jumping from one horse to another just like that, and sorting out all those emotions and creating new ones with you...It's just not that simple and we all know that, but some people plunge in anyway. He needs time to get over her, otherwise consider yourself a consolation prize in the meantime, you're basically a substitute for his ex...he misses that companionship and well, just her, so in a way you become her shadow and he indulges in you as If you are her, but he isn't really present minded. Keep that in mind when you "feel" like he's treating you this way or that and showing he is genuinely into you, guys do not always act out in ways because of their emotions with you...but for someone else. Therefore try to pace yourself, give yourself time to know this guy as much as possible and ask him lots of questions, find out where he is mentally and emotionally even though you may not do anything about it now, that will stick in your mind and prepare you, so you're not so "surprised" before the emotional cloud creeps over your eye-lids and all reality changes to an emotional state and you forget all rational things and the situation you are truly in. Also realize he may change the game or pull away at any time If he continues to engage with his ex, and talk to her about the past with her. Likely he will reconcile with her If she is willing and If she can actually come back, in this case your best hope is that she doesn't come back. Bottom line: If you really don't want to be a rebound then discount everything you experienced up to this point as just a one time thing, and try not to attach to any of it...he said he cares about you, and you will be seeing more of each other but that's definitely to be seen instead of just trusted automatically and I'd take everything into consideration with where his emotions are truly invested, in his ex, don't expect for him to focus magically on you...It's hard to open a new door when the other one is still wide open. I know this sounds like a lot of negativity, but from my experience it's just the reality, I've never met a man that was able to get over his ex while with someone new, he always held onto it, no matter how hard the new woman tried prying his heart from his hands...he's just never truly emotionally and mentally present, the person he thinks about or is reminded of is this other girl, not you. And by telling you that It's not meant to be hurtful It's so that you're mindful enough so that you don't invest in him and then end up broken hearted when he pulls away and gives you the "It's not you...It's me" speech. If you can't control your emotions and use good judgment, then you're going to be swept away by the surface of what he is doing with and for you, and take it for much more than it really is. Pry into his emotions, ask him how he feels about her and get an idea of where he is, you'll see for yourself what he's going through underneath the surface of who he is out in public and with you.
Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Hi All, So i’ve got a bit of a dilemma, i’ll try and keep it short and sweet. I have been single for a year and i think i’m ready for a bf. I met this guy a while back in a club. He’s a bit of a party liaison. Always entertaining the who’s who out there. Anyway, we finally got to partying together for my birthday 2 weeks ago, initially it was just a mutual attraction. But after spending the whole weekend with him, i have developed feelings for him. He is always surrounded by his friends, so we never got to speaking much or at least about the topics i was curious about. His statuses on chat are always so deep, and as we were chatting yesterday i asked him what it was about. Turns out his ex gf had left the country, shes absolutely beautiful and foreign. He said that they broke up 5 months ago, and yet i can see he isn’t over her. He mentioned her saying she wants to move back. But at the same time, as we spent the whole weekend together he introduced me to all his fiends as his girl. He’s a very popular and wealthy guy, i never knew that so obviously i was surprised as to how many women literally threw themselves at him. In our case, he pursued me and i came across as intriguing and different to the rest. Thats what caught his attention. Ok, so the deal is... should i let go or hang around? I don’t want to be a rebound and he’s clearly not over his ex gf. Im not sure for how long they were dating. Im also 3 year older than him. He’s 21, but a very matured and nice person, such a gentleman. Everything i could have asked for. Im puzzled, he said he cares about me... he’s known about me for a while because i’m friends with one of his friends. The first time we met i was mean to him thinking hes just another wealthy jerk. He says we will be seeing more of each other, but i can’t control my feelings. Should i just stay away? Or should I take the chance and stick around and get to know him better? If you really want him claim him as yours. Give him everything he needs and wants so that he will not long for the other woman. It is going to take pre-meditation but he's worth it. Soon he will forget her. But just in case she comes back into the picture, if she does, step back, it will be hard and let him make the choice.
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