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Ex has my stuff and is playing games regarding me getting my stuff back

al007

By al007
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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al007 Member

al007

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Posted (edited)

Hi Everyone

 

Here is my first post about this recent relationship below:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317173-my-ex-broke-up-me-now-acting-mean-cold-heartless-why

 

Now my stuff is not just a cd or shirt..it's a real nice musical instrument...

 

Well since March 18 she texted me saying we need to make arrangements to get my belongings. I said sure that's fine we can arrange that when it's good for both of us. She then responds back with how are you and things like I miss you but it's not fair to either of us. I should not have said I miss you, I know but I did. She then said how I was mean to her and that it made her feel like crap. The conversation ended with no one mad but no more mention of my stuff.

 

3 days later she texted me again about my stuff and I give the same response. She then asks me how match was going? I said I don't use match, she continues on that subject while I try to talk about me getting my stuff. She essentially made excuses about why she had no time for me to get my stuff such as her car needs oil, her front door won't open, her landlord is fixing things at her house. I then asked her why she would text me about my stuff and then not make herself available or why should say she misses me and then ask about match. Her response was "cause I'm real" I responded with no comment, she says "I have nothing to hide" i respond again with no comment and she said "whatever you never thought about it then" as you can see she makes no sense. I said i am not arguring with you and yet you continue. I then said goodnight.

 

Last time she contacted March 25, asking about my stuff. I said the same thing again and asked when she is free for me to get my stuff. She said probably the weekend. Ok once again she playing games, why contact me about my stuff if she is going to make excuses and not make herself available. I told her when she is truly ready to talk about me getting my stuff to call me as I am done with the back and forth texting. She then said "it needs to be soon, so we can be done" well no duh, if it was up to me I would have my stuff. I then reiterated and said to her " you need to look in the mirror and ask herself why she made it difficult for me to get my stuff the past few weeks, Throughout this whole thing you have been playing games and making excuses and said call me when you are ready to discuss my stuff. I will no longer respond to text messages on the subject goodnight."

 

I have not heard from him since which is a great thing for me, it allows me to mentally re-cooperate since she didn't allow me to give us both space. I will get my stuff but for now I am getting much needed time off from the madness.

 

Should I wait for her to contact me or should I contact her when I am ready? Do you think she will contact me again about my stuff?

She also took her profile down from match could mean she is seeing someone or it can mean she got tired of it like she did before I met her.

 

Thoughts everyone.

 

Happy to say I am going out on dates and am feeling good..Just want advice on what course of action I should take with getting my stuff back :)

Edited by al007
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Wow good thing I clicked on that link to your older thread to find out that you are 31 and 46 years old otherwise I would have thought this was a matter between teenagers.

 

First of all I'm just going to call it like I see it, I think you WANT this behavior to mean something, I think you want someone to reply here and tell you "she's keeping it because she's confused and she's using it as a reason to keep contacting you". Especially considering you stayed on topic for most of what you wrote, and then at the end you threw in that you've been paying attention to her dating profile and you wonder what it means that she took hers down, clearly this isn't just about your possessions.

 

I'm not sure what your definition of a "real nice" musical instrument is, but even something worth two or five hundred dollars can be replaced. Sometimes it's just not worth dealing with an ex when it comes to matters like this. Do you desperately need this musical instrument back? Are you a member of a band and you need it back before the next practice? How attached were you to this item in the first place if it somehow ended up being left at her place and not kept at yours? Does it have sentimental value? Is it a limited edition? Is it autographed? The point I'm trying to make here is that unless it is any of those specific things, you really don't need it, and you could free yourself from this game if you truly wanted to. If it's nothing all that special, then you're just fighting for the principle of the matter, because it's yours and not hers, and I'm not saying you're wrong, but it might just be better to take the loss and move on. It takes two people to play these games after a breakup happens. If you can just decide that it isn't worth it and let it be, she'll no longer have any control over you. Or the opposite end of the spectrum is to ask the local police department if you can have an escort to go retrieve some belongings from someone who might be hostile when you show up. She may be hanging on to it because she knows she can push your buttons by doing so. Maybe deciding that you no longer care about it would be the perfect solution, it'll annoy her that she can't use it against you anymore and maybe she'll decide to just give it back once it is useless to her.

 

It doesn't sound like this woman has a lot of reason, but you could try to appeal to her one more time by saying "can we please just be adults about this, I would like to have that back and then we can leave each other alone from now on. Can you please commit to a time and a date when I can retrieve it?"

  • Like 1
69ways Established Member

69ways

Posted
Posted
Hi Everyone

 

Here is my first post about this recent relationship below:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317173-my-ex-broke-up-me-now-acting-mean-cold-heartless-why

 

Now my stuff is not just a cd or shirt..it's a real nice musical instrument...

 

Well since March 18 she texted me saying we need to make arrangements to get my belongings. I said sure that's fine we can arrange that when it's good for both of us. She then responds back with how are you and things like I miss you but it's not fair to either of us. I should not have said I miss you, I know but I did. She then said how I was mean to her and that it made her feel like crap. The conversation ended with no one mad but no more mention of my stuff.

 

3 days later she texted me again about my stuff and I give the same response. She then asks me how match was going? I said I don't use match, she continues on that subject while I try to talk about me getting my stuff. She essentially made excuses about why she had no time for me to get my stuff such as her car needs oil, her front door won't open, her landlord is fixing things at her house. I then asked her why she would text me about my stuff and then not make herself available or why should say she misses me and then ask about match. Her response was "cause I'm real" I responded with no comment, she says "I have nothing to hide" i respond again with no comment and she said "whatever you never thought about it then" as you can see she makes no sense. I said i am not arguring with you and yet you continue. I then said goodnight.

 

Last time she contacted March 25, asking about my stuff. I said the same thing again and asked when she is free for me to get my stuff. She said probably the weekend. Ok once again she playing games, why contact me about my stuff if she is going to make excuses and not make herself available. I told her when she is truly ready to talk about me getting my stuff to call me as I am done with the back and forth texting. She then said "it needs to be soon, so we can be done" well no duh, if it was up to me I would have my stuff. I then reiterated and said to her " you need to look in the mirror and ask herself why she made it difficult for me to get my stuff the past few weeks, Throughout this whole thing you have been playing games and making excuses and said call me when you are ready to discuss my stuff. I will no longer respond to text messages on the subject goodnight."

 

I have not heard from him since which is a great thing for me, it allows me to mentally re-cooperate since she didn't allow me to give us both space. I will get my stuff but for now I am getting much needed time off from the madness.

 

Should I wait for her to contact me or should I contact her when I am ready? Do you think she will contact me again about my stuff?

She also took her profile down from match could mean she is seeing someone or it can mean she got tired of it like she did before I met her.

 

Thoughts everyone.

 

Happy to say I am going out on dates and am feeling good..Just want advice on what course of action I should take with getting my stuff back :)

 

m8 m8 m8 , is not worth it.

 

Mine kept a 3000 euro ring, my dsquared jackets, boots, trousers , you name it.

 

I asked her a few times to give them back she always says ok and never sends them.

 

15 months now , so told her to keep the ring to remind her of what she lost and as for the clothes, give them to the next guy......at the end she is keeping them for 3 reasons.

 

1.To hurt you

 

2.To chase her

 

3.To have a reason of contact....

 

 

Is not worth the drama , trust me

  • Like 1
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al007 Member

al007

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Posted (edited)

Thanks for the words both of you. I am dating again and I'm actuly greatful she has not contacted me in a few weeks. It's funny how you mention it sounds like two kids, I have been saying how immature she has been acting. Here is the thing I don't make the most money so yes that instrument is valuable to me. No way I give it up. It was there because i was there every weekend and would play it everytime I.was there. Obviously I didn't know she.was gling to end the relationship on a dime and than act like a child. Here's the deal she is a deputy sheriff. I am thinkibg if she doesn't contact me in around 2-3 weeks, I will then contact her and see if she can finally be reasonable. Maybe after time away she can have some.sense of.normalcy and give.me.back my stuff.

 

Now if.she refuses than yes I will call the sheriff's department to basically force her to give me my stuff. It's my stuff and I am entitled to it. Obviously I hope it doesn't come down to that but I am prepared to go that far to get my property.

Edited by al007
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