dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) I just had rebound sex & want my ex back even more now! I know I shouldn't be dating yet because, I am not over my ex at all.I needed a distraction but end up loving ex even more.Please talk me out of loving him.He doesn't want me anymore.(I don't think he does anyway) He wanted to end things because our relationship turned very unhealthy over the course of 3 years.We have officially been broken up since March 18th, 2012. He last texted me 7 days ago but I didn't respond.He hasn't made any contact since then. Ok this is a bit long but I need some opinions on if my ex is a terrible person, or if I ruined the possibility of the man of my dreams... When we began dating it was instant unbelieveable chemistry. We practically spent every single day together from day 1.He was only my second boyfriend.(First relationship was with an abusive man, for 11 years so, I wasn't very experienced with dating, at the age of 29)I'm not making any excuses but just thought that I'd mention that. Ok- I cheated on my BF in the beginning of our relationship with my best male friend.He had been my best friend for 8 years & helped me get out of my 1st abusive relationship.Anyway-during the first 5 months of my BF & I dating, I cheated on him 1 night with that best friend of mine.My BF instantly knew it.I didn't answer my phone & he drove by the guys' house, & saw my car there.BTW-I worked for that best friend of mine(I mean really worked for him,he was a client of mine so, I was in house daily but only had sex that 1 time)My BF wanted to breakup right then & there & so I just kept denying it over & over.I lied to him about it for the next year. My BF never acted the same towards me after that night.He grew more & more distant & constantly accused me but, I just kept denying it.He began his own little cheating spree after that.He would collect girls numbers & supposedly sext with them & masterbate to them.It got to the point where he would rather jag off, than have sex with me most of the time.I caught him having these girls numbers & he told me that ever since I cheated our relationship would never be the same & all he wanted to do was to f*ck any girl he could.He said we should break up before he acted on it so,I had to leave him alone.It hurt immensely.We were broken up for about 4 months that time.He would constantly call & text & eventually we started hanging out again. So while hanging out,we acted as BF & GF but,he said he didn't want to commit to me.He even told me to date if I wanted to.He kept his phone on silent & locked.I constantly worried about what girl he would try to have sex with next so,naturally, I started acting very insecure about his phone.He told me that I had no business looking at his phone & he didn't care who was on my phone.I eventually couldn't take it & told him that we should not be together if we were not going to work on our relationship. We broke up again,for about a week.He texted,called,emailed.I tried to ignore but he claimed that I wasn't even "giving him a chance to be faithful"He said that we need to let our love grow organically & not rush into commitment but, promised that he would remain faithful by the month.He said we can have a talk about how things are going every month & if he still wanted to have sex with other girls,he would tell me before he did it.I began to be the most insecure girl ever.I have NEVER been insecure until all this happened to me.I acted clingy & needy & couldn't take not knowing that he wanted to be commited so I acted crazy all the time & he just got more distant & we had our last & final breakup on March 18,2012. I didn't want this breakup but, he obviously doesn't love me enough to try to make things work.He said he felt trapped.Like all I wanted was marriage & a kid.His parents got divorced when he was younger & I could tell it affected him.He said he does not want a kid because we would just screw it up because we are so toxic together.I told him I wasn't in a huge rush but,I did want that in a few years.He said he just can't give me what I want & that I could find better.He apologized for all the mean things that he did & said but said he told me before,that our relationship would never be the same.It was broken. Well anyways - we are now done.He wanted to be friends but,I can't cope with that.I really can't stand the thought of him with anyone else.I think it is easy for him to dump me because he had detached himself long ago.I explained that I can not talk to him at all because it gives me hope.Last week, he saw me while he was jogging & I acted like he didn't exist.Later that day,he texted that I looked pretty.I ignored.I have been having so many ups & downs & I was so angry last week when I bumped into him again the next day & couldn't help but stick up my middle finger at him.I guess he thinks I hate him now,so he finally has respected NC.I haven't heard from anything from him in 7 days now.(since the day I flipped him the bird) I've been half dead these last 3 weeks.I needed to get out of the house,hang out & I was horny.I just had sex with a guy I don't even want to be with.It made me miss my ex even more.I just wanna be back together & never be with any other man.He doesn't want to reconcile.He said maybe some time in the future.He said he needs to better himself & I better myself.I think that was just a line to keep my friendship but,I don't want that so I know I need to keep up the NC. I know I made a mistake cheating on him.I will NEVER do it again to anyone no matter what.I wish I had learned that lesson in my teens or 20's.I wasted 11 years in an abusive relationship & now I feel like I messed up with the man of my dreams.Do you guys think that there is any hope for us?He said he loves me more than he has ever loved any girl but that we are now toxic.Do you think I ruined everything, or do you think he is a sex addict & it would have came to the surface somewhere down the line regardless?I am just so mad at myself for cheating but I am also so mad at how he treated me for the last part of our relationship & I am mad at myself for still loving him & wanting him back.Any feed back PLEASE!!! Thank you so much,if you took the time out to read this.This site has really helped me cope the last few weeks. Just a FYI...I stopped being friends with the guy I cheated on him with, in hopes of working things out with my ex.He is no longer my friend & I also feel like I lost a one in a million kind of friend.I am all alone now.I guess I can't complain.I did it to myself. Edited April 10, 2012 by dsw31
Author dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 I'm not getting any replies I know this is such a long post but PLEASE someone... can you tell me if I screwed up forever or if, my ex just has GIGS, or my ex is through with me forever? I would really appreciate some feedback
Philosoraptor Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Sounds like you had a relationship with no trust. Cheating and hurt feelings all around. It honestly sounds like a terrible dynamic and a lot of maturing on both ends would need to be done in order to make this thing remotely salvageable. But yea, rebound sex is bad. It's bad because those sexual encounters are things you shared with your ex and the emotions after have you wanting that person back to hold, but those feelings are still associated with the ex. Pretty much when you're not over someone you are unable to brace what you have at the moment. 2
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 From what I can tell you had a volatile on and off relationship, you cheated early on, he reciprocated, both of you struggled with that. I see a lot of mistrust, lack of respect and overall uneasiness between you two. Do you really miss that? Really? From where I sit you both look like troubled people that do not really know what they want. Emotions are high but you are toxic together. Inseparable but doomed. Ask yourself: what do you want? Do you want to be in a relationship where trust has been betrayed, there is no mutual respect, you act like BF/GF but are not really, masquerading around pretending to be something you are not? Is there really any coming back from that? It's easier said than done, I know but I think you know deep down that this situation was unhealthy and not good for either of you. You have to look out for yourself and take care of YOU. If that means going completly NC then do it. Let it go. Sometimes you can't go back. This looks to me like one of those situations. I am speaking from experience by the way, my wounds are still fresh as well. 1
robkris8079 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 move on, start fresh with someone new when you have healed and don't repeat the same mistake.
Author dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 Thank you guys for some insight.It deeply saddens me to hear that all three of you think it's a lost cause.I love this guy so much & wish we could work things out.Does ANYONE out there this we may have a chance?This pain is unbearable
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Thank you guys for some insight.It deeply saddens me to hear that all three of you think it's a lost cause.I love this guy so much & wish we could work things out.Does ANYONE out there this we may have a chance?This pain is unbearable Remember, your judgement is clouded by emotion and libido and all sorts of things. Us outsiders do not have that hinderance, at least not in your case. We have our own murk to wade through and you would probably see our situation in a similar light. It may not be what you want to hear, if you want some head bobbing and Hollywood ending I am sorry to dissapoint you. Honestly, I do not like to be the bearer of bad news. But some things are just not worth fixing, and from your story you two both sound really mixed up and unsure of what you want. My $.02 is you need to go NC and work on yourself. It's not easy. Believe me I know, and I am still struggling. There are good days and bad days. But all you are doing now is ripping the stitches out so wounds will never heal.
wilsonx Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Oh boy! Do I know this story. Lived it myself. You murdered him emotionally with the cheating with the best friend. Thats something you are going to have to live with. There's a lot of negative terms associated in this thread but Id rather point out that it was 2 idiots that loved each other trying to fix things and only making it worse. Sometimes, those 1 in a million guys are 1 in a million because they also come back. Clean up your act, fix your life, make it better for yourself and you never know what will happen in the future. 1
Author dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) Oh boy! Do I know this story. Lived it myself. You murdered him emotionally with the cheating with the best friend. Thats something you are going to have to live with. There's a lot of negative terms associated in this thread but Id rather point out that it was 2 idiots that loved each other trying to fix things and only making it worse. Sometimes, those 1 in a million guys are 1 in a million because they also come back. Clean up your act, fix your life, make it better for yourself and you never know what will happen in the future. WilsonX, I wish I could pm you but,I'm still too new. I am sorry about what happened to you.(I will check out some of your posts a little later) I was wondering, since this happened to you, in some form... Do you still love the girl that did it to you? Would there ever be a chance that you would reconcile in the future? Oh yeah-did you mean the 1 in a million guy, coming back was my best friend, or my ex boyfriend? I believe my friend would always be my friend, if I reached out to him. I was hoping you meant that my ex was 1 in a million, & he'll come back to me.(Because in my post I referred to my best friend being 1 in a million & didn't know if you misread it.) BTW-How many cartons of eggs should I bring? Edited April 10, 2012 by dsw31
wilsonx Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 WilsonX, Do you still love the girl that did it to you? Yup! Would there ever be a chance that you would reconcile in the future? When she quits being an idiot Oh yeah-did you mean the 1 in a million guy, coming back was my best friend, or my ex boyfriend? I believe my friend would always be my friend, if I reached out to him. I was hoping you meant that my ex was 1 in a million, & he'll come back to me.(Because in my post I referred to my best friend being 1 in a million & didn't know if you misread it.) BTW-How many cartons of eggs should I bring? ex boyfriend I dont know about you but I do not have "FRIENDS" like that. I cut those out of my life years ago for this reason. Clean out these types of things from your closet so that if he does come back or you find another 1 in a million guy, it wont happen again. at least 10 cartons of eggs
mike588 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Thank you guys for some insight.It deeply saddens me to hear that all three of you think it's a lost cause.I love this guy so much & wish we could work things out.Does ANYONE out there this we may have a chance?This pain is unbearable His pain was probably unbearable too when he found out you cheated on him.
Author dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 His pain was probably unbearable too when he found out you cheated on him. I know Mike588, He has told me that & I realize that.I wish I could take it back but, I can't. Wilsonx summed it up pretty well when he said I emotionally murdered him. I'm sure I did. I just wish he could try to forgive me (not forget-just try to forgive) because he knows that I learned a lesson & would never do it again.
mike588 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I know Mike588, He has told me that & I realize that.I wish I could take it back but, I can't. Wilsonx summed it up pretty well when he said I emotionally murdered him. I'm sure I did. I just wish he could try to forgive me (not forget-just try to forgive) because he knows that I learned a lesson & would never do it again. Does he REALLY know you have learned your lesson?? Once someone cheats the relationship is usually doomed...how can he ever trust you again? My ex dumped me for her ex. 8 months ago and I'm sure she was screwing him too while with me...it make me sick...I could never trust her again. He would always wonder if lets say you came home late one night...he sees you talking with someone else while out etc. etc and he would always have that "ammunition" to use against you. I believe you when you say it will never happen again....but will he??
Author dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 Does he REALLY know you have learned your lesson?? Once someone cheats the relationship is usually doomed...how can he ever trust you again? My ex dumped me for her ex. 8 months ago and I'm sure she was screwing him too while with me...it make me sick...I could never trust her again. He would always wonder if lets say you came home late one night...he sees you talking with someone else while out etc. etc and he would always have that "ammunition" to use against you. I believe you when you say it will never happen again....but will he?? He probably wouldn't ever trust me again.That's the sad thing.I obviously have boundry issues because I have forgiven him for cheating & I respect the fact that, he respects himself enough to hate me for cheating.I guess I wish I could hate him for it too.I can't though.He could probably throw me under the bus 50 more times & I would come right back to him.I know he lost respect for me because of that.He said one time that,he emotionally abuses me because I let him.He said he devalued me because I still want him after his cheating episodes.I am such a pathetic weak person for that. I guess the one important thing I learned from him is, that I must have enough respect for myself to never take back a cheater & also for me to never cheat on anyone again.It's inexcuseable no matter what.I just wish none of this ever happened. Are there any people here that forgave a cheater & rebuilt a healthy relationship without seeing a therapist or counselor?(I know my ex would never agree to get counseling.)
wilsonx Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Keep working on your issues, Mike's a punk for his post in this thread, he was the "Old Friend" that you cheated on your ex with. Get rid of those friends and find some real friends, in the end, your ex might come around, i did, only to find out shes off playing in the same lalala land that your ex is in now You eating crow is a good start in the right direction
mike588 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Keep working on your issues, Mike's a punk for his post in this thread, he was the "Old Friend" that you cheated on your ex with. Get rid of those friends and find some real friends, in the end, your ex might come around, i did, only to find out shes off playing in the same lalala land that your ex is in now You eating crow is a good start in the right direction Gonna start it again Wilson?
Author dsw31 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 Does he REALLY know you have learned your lesson?? Once someone cheats the relationship is usually doomed...how can he ever trust you again? My ex dumped me for her ex. 8 months ago and I'm sure she was screwing him too while with me...it make me sick...I could never trust her again. He would always wonder if lets say you came home late one night...he sees you talking with someone else while out etc. etc and he would always have that "ammunition" to use against you. I believe you when you say it will never happen again....but will he?? Keep working on your issues, Mike's a punk for his post in this thread, he was the "Old Friend" that you cheated on your ex with. Get rid of those friends and find some real friends, in the end, your ex might come around, i did, only to find out shes off playing in the same lalala land that your ex is in now You eating crow is a good start in the right direction Thanks Wisonx, Maybe a stupid question but, what the hell does eating crow mean? Realizing my mistakes?
wilsonx Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 yes, being honest with yourself, its a good quality to have for successful relationships not only with a significant other but friends and family
Author dsw31 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Keep working on your issues, Mike's a punk for his post in this thread, he was the "Old Friend" that you cheated on your ex with. Get rid of those friends and find some real friends, in the end, your ex might come around, i did, only to find out shes off playing in the same lalala land that your ex is in now You eating crow is a good start in the right direction Wiiilllsonx, Sorry to keep bothering you with every tiny detail but I feel like I can relate to you a lot.What do you mean by my ex is in lala land?
wilsonx Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome - LoveShack.org Community Forums
Author dsw31 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Ahhhh, ok, Thanks! I wasn't sure if he truley has GIGS or, he was just wanted to "get even with me" or he just had an underlying sex addiction, that would've came out even if I never cheated.Thanks again-you are awesome!
mike588 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 You just devalued your self again by the accuasation that you and I were cheating/sleeping together and said nothing about it.
Author dsw31 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 You just devalued your self again by the accuasation that you and I were cheating/sleeping together and said nothing about it. Not sure what you mean by that Mike588?
mike588 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Not sure what you mean by that Mike588? According to Wilson I'm a punk and I'm the old friend you cheated with.re-read what he said.
Author dsw31 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 According to Wilson I'm a punk and I'm the old friend you cheated with.re-read what he said. No, This post has been kind of all over the place so I think you misunderstood.I cheated on my ex BF with my old ex best friend.
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