xztjohn Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I tried alot of things including deactivating my facebook, blocking my ex and her new boyfriend, but I still check her facebook from time to time. Its been almost 7 months now and I still check. At first it was a complete obsession where I must check what she is doing after we broke up, but now its just being curious. I know this is unhealthy have feel like I have moved on, but for me to TRULY move on I need to stop looking at her facebook because it doesn't make me feel any better. So as of 4/9/2012 I will stop looking at my ex facebook through my friends account, ever since he told me his password for something else and I tried it on his facebook it has not been healthy for me. So as of today I am going to stop looking at her facebook. If I make a mistake and do look at it I will have to post it on this thread and start all over. For anyone who wants to join me, place how long you guys have been broken up, how long uve been looking, and the day you will cease looking at their facebook. 1
CC12 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Have you looked at her Facebook page since writing that post? Maybe just a little peek? Come on, you can tell us.
budley12 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 if only i could say the same xztjohn. I too blocked my ex on my fbook but i know my friends password. I legit still look at his almost every day (BU was 4.5months ago)
lizardking8610 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Stop doing that! do you like hurting yourselves.... 4
robkris8079 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I gotta say this is one thing I am good at. I can not look at an ex's fb no problem. I do find myself looking at old mutual friends once in a great while. But I never, never, ever look at the ex's. I don't even know if I could see anything since I'm not friends with her. No good comes out of looking. Best case scenario to make you feel better is she is posting how sad she is. But wait it's FB!!! No one is posting how sad they are. They are posting pics of good times, making comments of how much fun they had, and showing off all the new friends they made. Worst case scenario is her status changed to in a relationship, her profile pic is now of her and her new bf. All the pics of you are gone and now all new ones are up of places you have gone with her but now your not there, someone else is! Do not torture yourself by looking. Not a single good thing can come of it. Even if he/she was posting depressing things and your ego got a little boost, your still not together. Doesn't mean you will be together. If you like to feel pain then find a better way to do it. I suggest the gym. I'm in so much pain right now it's not funny. But at least I am looking good. 2
Sophie99 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I used to check my ex's facebook several times a day. Now, I haven't unfriended him, just unsubscribed to all of his posts so they never come up on my feed. I haven't checked his facebook in a few weeks. I would like to think that it's because I don't CARE what's on there, but it's more about me being scared to see what is on there. I know he's ok without me and as far as I'm concerned, I've been hurt enough by him without me hurting myself by looking at it. Be your own friend and be kind to yourself (We've been broken up for 3 months)
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I would like to think that it's because I don't CARE what's on there, but it's more about me being scared to see what is on there. I feel exactly the same way. There is literally nothing that I could see that would make me feel better. Nothing. If I see her with someone else = heartbreak If i see her having fun without me = sadness If I see her missing me = chance of getting hoovered back into the madness Not a single one of those is positive. It's just a lose-lose situation all the way around. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Ugh; hated seeing my ex posting several pictures of his new g/f and their outing together and them at a Bed and Breakfast on St. Patricks' Day weekend. Made me angry because he got to get up and keep doing as he does while me and others pick up the pieces of games he played with us and pain he inflicted. i put the puzzle together and noticed that he intentionally made that one photo album of him and the new g/f public===something he has never done as he is very private. If you are not fb friends, you don't see anything. Until now...that album was made public. I figured out that he did this as an 'in your face' to his ex wife that he never got over. They were together for 18 years and he obsessed over her the entire time we were together. Some months ago, she posted pics of she and her new love, newly engaged.She posted pics of her ring, she and her new companion, very happy, etc. He put that out there for her. My gut tells me this. And it's very sad because to use your new relationship to stick it to someone else is pretty cringe worthy. So, to the OP, I am proud you have opted out of hurting yourself by seeing what is going on your ex's FB. People tend to post only good things, and you don't see the whole picture. But what you do see can hurt you and set you back while you are trying to heal. 1
CaliBabe Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Facebook is evil! I have unsubscribed from the new guy I WAS seeing, but I catch myself going directly to his page since the posts don't show up on my feed. So lame. I'm going to defriend the bastard. 3
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Facebook is evil! I have unsubscribed from the new guy I WAS seeing, but I catch myself going directly to his page since the posts don't show up on my feed. So lame. I'm going to defriend the bastard. I wish I had been the one to block my ex, LOL. He blocked me several times during the relationship. During one time that I was unblocked, He started a fight and said "maybe you should block me then'===I'm not one to do that. But he got me all steaming mad that I blocked him. I felt awful about it and unblocked him--seemed he was waiting for that and then blocked me the second I released block on him. I have been blocked since October of 2010 around my birthday when he called me a 'whore' and then 10 minutes later asked me to go with him to see some lovely fall foliage.
CarrieT Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 When my alcoholic Ex and I broke up, he didn't remember that I had all of his passwords... For almost a YEAR I would read his emails and see all the business he was involved with. It took me NOT reading his email or looking at his FB to finally put him behind me. Only then can the healing begin... 2
staringspace Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I haven't checked his facebook in a few weeks. I would like to think that it's because I don't CARE what's on there, but it's more about me being scared to see what is on there. I'm exactly the same - I'm pretty good at not checking his facebook (I haven't 'blocked' him properly, but I've blocked the page via an app on my browser and also unsubscribed from his posts) and I'm much happier not knowing about things. I found out yesterday evening, off friends, that him and this girl have actually made it facebook official (after 5 weeks of us breaking up from a 3 1/2 year relationship). I did need to know it, but looking on facebook and finding that would have made me feel a whole lot worse and I'm glad I found out via friends if I'm honest. I am considering blocking him properly though, to make a point that I don't want anything to do with that insensitive, selfish [insert swear word here]. Ignorance is actually bliss, in this situation. Or if not bliss, a lot easier to deal with. 1
robkris8079 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I have my ex's passwords to her email, fb all that stuff. Even have her credit card number on file for bills she had paid. I don't use any of that stuff. This is her private business and even if together none of my business. I looked at her phone once before the break due to her acting weird and me knowing a mutual guy friend was texting her. They had texted prior to her acting weird and I never snooped or thought twice about it. But after she changed, I did look. I still to this day feel horrible about it. It was wrong. I will never ever ever ever snoop in my partner's phone or look at emails. If I have a suspicion or whatever I'll throw the facts on the table and talk to her. If I don't like the answers I will see myself out.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Facebook sucks. It's social media for social illiterates designed BY social illiterate opportunists who care only for the ad buck. It causes social maladies due to it's lack of social priority. It is the social disease of our media. 4
Mack05 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) I have completely deactivated my Facebook and it will remain that way until my heart fully heals. I kept checking my ex's page. Keep checking to see if she unblocked me. After awhile I realised how negatively this was affecting me, so I decided to deactivate until I heal fully. I have no idea how long that will take, but I made a promise to myself that I won't break.. I suggest anyone going through a broken heart do the same. People play too many 'games'. They wonder what their ex will think, what their friends think. I prefer to wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to life. My close friends and a few acquaintances have asked me why I left Facebook and I was just honest. I said I still have feelings for my ex and that I need to take time out for myself for awhile. If people what to judge me/comment about me for that, let them go right ahead. I think if you can be honest with yourself, it's a great help to your healing. Honesty with yourself is knowing checking an ex's Facebook is not good for you. It's about suppressing your desire to reach out to them in anyway... Hopefully you will mean what you say. I know how hard that is. I struggle with it hourly let alone daily...We all do..I keep reading Taramaiden's signature -> "There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do.." I think it's fair to say the past few years, the things I have said at times have been differerent to the things that I have done. For example, I said I wouldn't post here for a long while (cause for me this is the same as Facebook stalking, as it reminds me of my ex) but I still do post occasionally. Therefore I will join you XZT and strive for that peace and joy in my heart. A good start is backing up your words and not allow yourself excuses to fail. Best of Luck mate... Edited April 10, 2012 by Mack05 3
SerenityNow930 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Between Facebook, twitter, linkedin, livejournal, words with friends, and whatever other social network they may use just makes it that much harder to avoid people. It must've been a lot easier to get over people in the 80's when all you had to do was not call them. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Between Facebook, twitter, linkedin, livejournal, words with friends, and whatever other social network they may use just makes it that much harder to avoid people. It must've been a lot easier to get over people in the 80's when all you had to do was not call them. Indeed it was. It didn't take as long to get over someone because we didn't have easy access. The only way was to drive by or take the bus to his house or work, etc. But going to the trouble wasn't worth it.
Meg717 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I was doing the same thing. Almost every other day I was logging into his Facebook (bc we're no longer friends - we haven't blocked each other though) and email bc like some people have said here, he never changed his passwords. As soon as he moved out I changed all my major passwords, I didn't think he might log in but I didn't want there to be a temptation. After about 2 weeks of logging into his facebook, making myself sick with trying to analyze his posts I decided I had to stop - cold turkey. I have not logged in since St Patricks Day and life is so much easier! I have no idea if he's happy or sad or if he has a gf or 10 girlfriends and honestly, I don't care. I'm doing me and I'm the only person I need to worry about. My advice is if you can't stop logging in, ask your friend to defriend your ex or to change their password. Worst case scenario - deactive facebook and detox. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I used to check my ex's dating profile on Match.com; at least when it was up, I knew he was trolling. When it was no longer up, i thought 'uh oh' and got melancholy about it; this one must be special if he took down a profile for her. His face is still on there last I checked some months back when I was in the heart of things; when you click on it, though, it says 'profile not available'. You will get to a point where you don't care about checking anymore.
Mack05 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I think if you hang around places (facebook etc) for too long you eventually get bad news you are expecting/fearing. The truth is 99% of our ex's meet someone new. Also in general dumpers move on quicker than dumpee's. I've had ex's on a few occasions now, tell me they love me and less then two months later are in a new relationship. Because my feelings run so deep when I commit, I personally could never move on that fast but that is neither her nor there.. If you go to these places on the net (or in real live) at some point (whether it be weeks, months or years) you eventually get the crushing news you are in some strange way expecting. We human beings must be a sucker for punishment. I mean if a iron was hot you wouldn't touch it. Yet a broken heart is far more crushing and we put ourselves in a position to be crushed again. I think the lesson I personally have to learn is to avoid all places where you can be crushed. Until you are ready to hear and accept an ex has moved on, you have to stay away from the places where you can hear such potentially hurtful news. I have learnt that harsh lesson in the not so distant past. So much so I am taking my life of the net until I am healed. I simply don't want to be crushed anymore. I want to be happy. I want good things. I want an amazing relationship. How can I get those things wondering what an ex is hope to? I am healing but its slow. Sometimes we want to take our mind off the healing process cause sometimes it totally sucks but believe me internet stalking an ex is NOT the way to go... 6
mike588 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I de-friended..blocked my ex. on Facebook 2 weeks after she dumped me...If I didn't I know I would of been checking on her daily/weekly and it would of prolonged the pain. Six months later she contacts me. 2
M2155 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) When I was first dumped (or when I first accepted it I should say) I made a goal to go 75 days NC and to help I took a dry erase marker to count it down each day on my bathroom mirror. It sucked but it was a like a kid getting a gold star for behaving during the day. Anyway, staying away from his FB was easier said than done so I started a second countdown for not looking at his page. I think once I made it 2 weeks it got easier. Since my ex moved on to (or I should say left me for) someone who was younger and really all about communicating on Facebook (which I don't get) it was a punch in the face to see her everyday-but it also forced me to drop the fantasy that he missed me and would come back. Sure the fantasy was there, but reality was staring back from my screen. For whatever illogical reason which can be found on past threads, I remained FB friends, I just hid him my feed; I have him on twitter too. I am ok with it now though because I no longer have the urge to look and I don't see him the same anymore. I'm still not motivated to block him though but it's ok. Let me tell you, it's a great feeling when you look back and realize its been a while since you cyber-stalked your ex! Edited April 11, 2012 by M2155 4
Author xztjohn Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I was feeling a little weak earlier and was thinking about checking her facebook, but after looking on here, I feel a strong sense to keep pushing forward. 2
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Well, I broke my own rule. I looked at her FB. And was reminded immediately of why that was a bad idea. Even tho we are not friends anymore I can still see her profile pic. And it's a new one, all it did was drive home that this is what her life looks like without me. Never. Never. Never. again. Lesson learned... For those of you thinking about doing this....DONT!
lady_jadie Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I agree, facebook is evil. even in the relationship I'd go through his old emails, fb etc from before he'd even met me, it was like stupidity torture, and of course I didn't find anything I liked- the opposite (Like he didn't have a life before he met me... DUHH) i remember the first time i saw he'd changed his profile pic (he kept it as one of us for months after we broke up), it was just one of him (from when we were together- he wasn't and isn't seeing anyone else) but that just destroyed me - i was an hysterical wreck for at least 2 days. He also never changed his passwords (?!) and about 5 months after we broke up I had a weak moment and logged in- the first thing I saw was a message to a girl he'd sh***ed for a bit when he was in Australia (his words) saying how 'magic' his time with her was- now considering what he'd said about her (and all other girls he got with there) -that the girls were totally interchangeable and could have been ANY girls, he certainly never saw them as anything special etc, -well again i was a wreck, especially because she'd asked what he'd been up to in the 2 years he didn't bother speaking to her (because that's what facebook is like... friends? more like desperate show of how mamny people you've meaninglessly met) and he said he'd been TIED DOWN with a girlfriend and a flat which was great while it lasted...! CHEEK! anyway what I told myself is, what bull****, people BS on facebook 99.9999% of the time, and (in another weak moment) I logged in again a few weeks later (after convincing myself this was it, he was going to meet up with her, get married to her and find happiness forever) and saw she hadn't even bothered to reply to his last message. Pah. FB is fickle, and for the most part, for fickle, bored, lonely people trying to eke any possible connection from the most fleeting and meaningless meetings with people... My ex spent like 2 weeks s***ing this girl, 8 years ago, and because his life is pathetic now, this is what gives him a second of ego boost. Apart from keeping contact with and sharing photos with my ACTUAL Close friends, I wouldn't care if fb and all other sites that give people temptation to dredge up the past, all died or shut down tomorrow. In fact, that would be too late far as I'm concerned 2
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