Ruby Slippers Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 So, I'm totally new to online dating. I have never approached a man in any capacity - I signal my interest and let them approach, or respond when they approach cold. Some guys are messaging me, but others just rate me 5 stars with no message. Is this supposed to be an invitation or what? Because this guy who seems very cool just gave me the starsies. And he states in his profile that he welcomes messages. Should I message him? Wait for him to message me? I'm a newbie in the deep end. Give me some tips!
Jane2011 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I was totally unaware that star-giving was a part of OkCupid (and I was on it for a fairly long time). Yeah, message him. What have you got to lose?
SJC2008 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Not to bust on you but what about the being conservative and letting the man pursue? Don't tell me you'll break your own rules now for that dreamboat. In all seriousness if you want to message him go for it but just say hi or something really short. One concern I have is that there is no "approach anxiety" with old so him not messaging you out right is an eyebrow raiser IMO. I can understand women using winks and stars to invite and then seeing if the man messages. seems like the equivalent of giving a guy a nice come talk to me smile in public. But from a mans perspective I think we should only message.
ThaWholigan Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Probably biding his time. I do that on OKCupid....
starla33 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Um i've had plenty of 5 stars when I would go and email then after and they would ignore me haha. Not sure that 5 star means much.
exquisitus Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Personally I give many many women 5 stars, because honestly I find them beautiful. messaged only a tiny fraction of them. Nobody who I gave 5 starts and never messaged messaged me back, and that's easily hundreds of them. So I would say that it's not a common practice. Plus the woman I am currently dating, which I met on okc told me that the accepted practice for women is not to message first.
starla33 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Personally I give many many women 5 stars, because honestly I find them beautiful. messaged only a tiny fraction of them. Nobody who I gave 5 starts and never messaged messaged me back, and that's easily hundreds of them. So I would say that it's not a common practice. Plus the woman I am currently dating, which I met on okc told me that the accepted practice for women is not to message first. Good luck with the not messaging first. Just sit there all pretty while the other girls message the guys. I've seen a ton of my guy friends okc profiles and a decent looking guy gets at least a few emails a day from a girl.
Jane2011 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I never messaged any OkCupid guys (wait, no, I did message one. He looked like Ryan Gosling, and I just couldn't not message him.) But other than that, I just put the profile up and sat back and waited. I figured...I'm not going to message a bunch of guys who probably won't want me. If they want me, they must come get me.
starla33 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I never messaged any OkCupid guys (wait, no, I did message one. He looked like Ryan Gosling, and I just couldn't not message him.) But other than that, I just put the profile up and sat back and waited. I figured...I'm not going to message a bunch of guys who probably won't want me. If they want me, they must come get me. Jane there are SO many people on there. A lot of the guys will not even see your profile!
Jane2011 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Jane there are SO many people on there. A lot of the guys will not even see your profile! Why's that?
Jane2011 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I should say that...I have thought about messaging them. I browse through the pics and profiles. I never like anybody. Or rarely, I should say. A friend of mine used to always find cute guys on there and message them, and I would ask her, "How is it that when you browse, you find cute ones, but when I browse, I don't?" She said something about how she was really determined; she was one of those people who could spend hours rummaging through aisles and aisles of clothing just to find that one cute top. Me, if I don't find anything attractive within twenty profiles, I'm freaking done. 1
ascendotum Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Um i've had plenty of 5 stars when I would go and email then after and they would ignore me haha. Not sure that 5 star means much. Yeah I had this sort of thing a few times too, its somewhat annoying, assuming the woman was a live profile and not a dummy one by the OLD site to boost female numbers. Ruby, he has in fact initiated contact by letting you know he thinks you're a 5 star girl to him, its just not verbal. You dont have to msg him first, just rate him 5 stars back if you fancy him, and he will follow up. 1
Anela Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I should say that...I have thought about messaging them. I browse through the pics and profiles. I never like anybody. Or rarely, I should say. A friend of mine used to always find cute guys on there and message them, and I would ask her, "How is it that when you browse, you find cute ones, but when I browse, I don't?" She said something about how she was really determined; she was one of those people who could spend hours rummaging through aisles and aisles of clothing just to find that one cute top. Me, if I don't find anything attractive within twenty profiles, I'm freaking done. You sound like me, and your friend sounds like my Dad. He knows what my mother looks good in, and knows what he's looking for when he shops for presents. I have an idea, and every so often, strike gold. We went christmas shopping together in 2004, and I was bored in just a little while, browsing through rack after rack, and not seeing anything worth buying. I finally grabbed a pretty black suit, and when Dad wanted to continue looking, I said, "We'll take it with us, and if you find something better, then I'll put this back." We ended up going with that suit. I usually know what I like, right away. I have little patience for the rest of it.
starla33 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Yeah I had this sort of thing a few times too, its somewhat annoying, assuming the woman was a live profile and not a dummy one by the OLD site to boost female numbers. Ruby, he has in fact initiated contact by letting you know he thinks you're a 5 star girl to him, its just not verbal. You dont have to msg him first, just rate him 5 stars back if you fancy him, and he will follow up. I'm a girl lol. What I meant was I rated guys 5 stars back...after which I would email and they would ignore. A lot of them seem to do this. Very strange!
LexiB Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 How do you know when you get "5" stars? When I was on I would get messages saying so-and-so has rated you 4 or 5 stars but didn't know you could see the exact rating. To answer your question, if the guy was cute, I'd visit his profile and rate him high back. That was usually enough to get him to message me.
Emilia Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Rating 5 stars means he sat drumming his fingers at his desk and went through a bunch of profiles on okcupid to rate photos. Rate him to see whether he contacts you but in online dating even messaging back and forth doesn't necessarily indicate solid interest.
laotzu Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Hey RS, As a guy who used OKC, I would rate someone five stars for one of like three reasons: (1) I wanted to rate them first because I wanted them to anticipate a message. (2) I wanted to get shown more matches like that person (3) I wanted them to know I was interested, but I didn't think they'd be interested in me. (i.e. so I wanted to give them the option of messaging me if they were also interested.) He sounds like me a little; I stopped messaging first, because I never got a ton of luck with it, even though the girls I was messaging first were a little "below" me. If I rated girls or just looked at their profile a couple of times, they would usually get back to me, even if they were a little out of my league. Also, if you look at his profile 2 - 3 times after he rates you, he should contact you.
zengirl Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Perhaps the OKC mechanics have changed, but when I was on, it would only notify you and send a message to both of you if you'd both rated 4 or 5 stars (I did sometimes sit and rate guys for this reason to see if anyone was mutually interested already). Yes, I would message them. In some cases, I would maybe wait a day to see if they made the first move. But I always messaged any guy I felt like messaging, so messaging them was not indicative of the star rating. I will say that most of those guys did write back, though most of the 'better' prospects I met on OKC, including hubby, didn't rate and probably never did the rating thing.
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