mortensorchid Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I am not with the bf anymore after six months, we split 2 weeks ago and have had no contact since (save for an email where my email account was hacked and everyone got lots of spam. He asked via email if it was spam, i said yes and apologized for it. Other than that it was like a business transaction.) Tomorrow night i have an Internet date with some guy i met on OkCupid. I have a few reservations.. 1) Too soon to get back in the game? 2) Young and cute - from the photo he showed me, he is not all that young and cute. Am I? Well, yes I am. At least, i don't act my age of 37, i look like i am in my mid or early 20s. Would this bother the other party? 3) no weekend contact - he said in his last email through the site that since last weekend was easter he'd be busy. So tonight insent him a text asking if we are still on for tomorrow. I got about 5 text messages from him with yes we are and 2 phots of himself. Good ones not provocative in any way. Is that strange?
Author mortensorchid Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Nevermind. He had to cancel. Just a neurosis or something. Will wait until he contacts again and see what I see.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Just my opinion - but I think that a 37 year old woman probably needs to be thinking about a lot of other things besides "young and cute." Of course you need to be very attracted to whomever you get seriously involved with. But your attachment to the idea that you look like you are in your early 20's might be setting yourself up for something that is not what you want.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Yeah you obviously aren't acting or thinking your age If after two weeks out of a six month relationship you're asking whether it's too soon to meet some random young guy on OKCupid who's looking for that "older woman/mature experience". This should really be a no brainer for you, especially being on these forums. With that being said, you date anyone right now and IF the guy is looking to mess around then you're the perfect victim...you're vulnerable, needy, and susceptible to making really stupid decisions since your head is not all there either. Women just out of relationships are the perfect victims for men looking to take advantage, because chances are you're going to be "easy" to make a lot of head way with because of the emotional withdraw experienced from the last relationship and "mourning" type emotional state that most people go through when they have any kind of heart...so now your heart is basically going to be on your sleeve leaving any guy to pretty much come and pick up up that you find half-interesting and is willing to put in the effort. I have a feeling that you'd pretty much deny that, most women would like to pretend that they have more sense and control even though for some reason their blatantly bad decisions right in front of their face go ignored and overlooked, but you've got to take a step and realize how in the world do you think you're going to engage in anything healthy at this point? Ask yourself why you're trying to move on so quickly, and what emotions you had with the last relationship...because If you're of those women (granted I'm starting to think most women are this way at least from reading these forums) that just keeps on jumping from one horse to the next and you expect to find ultimate romance...you're just going to end up hurt, because you give off a scent and weakness that these men pick up and know they can go in for the kill any time they want to...If you could only see things from a mans point of view. Because If I knew you were two weeks out of a six month relationship, and my goal was take advantage of you I'd be thinking "this is going to be easy, piece of cake..this woman is going to be wrapped around my finger in no time, and chances are she'll be emotionally distant and jaded to a degree so she'll likely take herself out of the equation before I have to break her off...It's convenient and no sweat off my back and chances are she'll blame herself for this whole situation not working out"...and If you're thinking that a guy needs to know whether you were out of a relationship recently or not, he doesn't (yet I'm sure he could easily find out as most women are open books)...It's typically in your actions, you display a level of vulnerability that's like a tasty chihuahua to a rottweiler. Chances are you're going to do what you usually do out of habit by now, but at least try to invest in yourself and deal with all those emotions or whatever It is you need to deal with on your own before jumping on someone else and then acting like all of your issues are magically for no reason, If this is a habit of yours and something you question at 37, it makes me wonder the level of baggage you carry with you through each and every relationship you get into...I even question If you're just one of those women that end up with a man because he pursues you and you think he can give you everything you want or what the last guy didn't. Hopefully, you're just having a moment of weakness however and this is just a clouded judgment, which everybody does and goes through...I'm not expecting you to be perfect..I'm just telling you how I see it right now.
gaius Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Yeah you obviously aren't acting or thinking your age If after two weeks out of a six month relationship you're asking whether it's too soon to meet some random young guy on OKCupid who's looking for that "older woman/mature experience". This should really be a no brainer for you, especially being on these forums. I got the impression she meant SHE was young and cute and this guy wasn't so much. Or appeared not to be at least. Even if he is younger than her that's a big assumption he's just looking for some older woman to sleep with and dump. Seems like you are handling it correctly morten. From what I remember you didn't have much contact with the last guy toward the end so you kind of broke up way earlier than 2 weeks ago. If he sets up another date go out and see if you click!
zengirl Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 As to the guy, doesn't sound like much will come of it, but I cannot imagine anything serious starting right now anyway, can you? It seems like you're in full on rebound mode from your post. But your attachment to the idea that you look like you are in your early 20's might be setting yourself up for something that is not what you want. This. Also, I haven't seen your pics, OP, but I know many women in their 30s who think they look like they're in their early 20s. They don't. They may look the age of like the cast of 90210 (the original) or something when they played in their 20s, but those people were in their 30s and looked it. Mid-20s and 30s can be indistinguishable sometimes, but I'd find it highly unlikely that any 37 year old woman could look 22 or something. Having attachment to such a youthful ideal just doesn't seem healthy at that age. I'm 27, and it would feel uncomfortable at MY age.
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