conehead Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I've told myself that the person I'm going to end up marrying has to be the one I love more than I ever loved anyone else, and he has to feel the same way about me to. My longest relationship to date is only 8 months, so while I've had my heart severely broken before, the relationship was only but a few months long so I without doubt got over it entirely. My current bf of 5 months is the one I love, and I've never loved anyone else more than him. However, my bf has had numerous LTRs -- his first was 2.5 years (he called it puppy love only), second was 2.5 years (he said he was kind of in love with her, broke up cuz she cheated), third was 5 years (he was in love with her the most out of all, she left him) and fourth gf was 3.5 years (he was never in love with her). I can feel that my bf loves me, but sometimes I think about how much he must have loved his 3rd gf...and they were together for 5 years...and I can't help but feel saddened by it. I want to ask my bf if he loves me more than he's loved anyone else because this is a must-have for me if I were to marry someone. But at the same time I think how can I possibly to expect him to feel that way about me when he's only been with me 5 months while he's been with her 5 years. But then again, what if I date him for years later only to breakdown and ask him that question? What if the answer he gives me is not the one I want? If it turns out that way, I know for a fact that I will be unable to accept it. Even if I love him to pieces, the hurt would be too much for me to bear and I'd end things. I'm not sure what to do in this case. Should I ask him?
Author conehead Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) That being said, has anyone ever been just completely, and UNCONDITIONALLY in love with someone for the first time only to be dumped/left? If so, were you able to love someone else MORE? This 3rd girl was the only girl he ever was truly in love with, 100% and unconditionallly -- the thought of that hurts me. Edited April 10, 2012 by conehead
FitChick Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 You can't change the past. If his old girlfriends bother you so much, date one of the virgins on LoveShack who have never had a girlfriend. How old are you and how old is he? 2
veggirl Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 OMG do not ask him that! It reeks of insecurity and is just WEIRD to ask. Not to mention, you REALLY think your BF was with a girl for 3.5 years that he didn't love?! Why was he with her for so long? If this is true, I think you have bigger fish to fry. So he never said ILY to her? He's telling you he didn't love her, he's telling you the others didn't matter too much, because you are so insecure and he knows it. I mean really...how do you even know "how much" he loved his exes? Who asks that? It hurts you that he loved his ex? As long as he currently doesn't then what's the prob? I'd have a bigger issue with his ability to date someone for 3+ yrs and "not" love them...maybe he is doing that to you? How will you know? This is bizarre. Sorry. 1
Author conehead Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 OMG do not ask him that! It reeks of insecurity and is just WEIRD to ask. Not to mention, you REALLY think your BF was with a girl for 3.5 years that he didn't love?! Why was he with her for so long? If this is true, I think you have bigger fish to fry. So he never said ILY to her? He's telling you he didn't love her, he's telling you the others didn't matter too much, because you are so insecure and he knows it. I mean really...how do you even know "how much" he loved his exes? Who asks that? It hurts you that he loved his ex? As long as he currently doesn't then what's the prob? I'd have a bigger issue with his ability to date someone for 3+ yrs and "not" love them...maybe he is doing that to you? How will you know? This is bizarre. Sorry. Girl he dated 3.5 years he loved and cared about at the time but was not 'in love' with her. I think that is another reason I am insecure. I am afraid he is doing to me the same he did to her. What if he loves me and cares about me (which I feel he does) but he is not out of this world in love with me unconditionally like he was with the girl he dated 5 years? I never asked him how much he loved his exes...when we first started dating I asked him if he ever been in love and he told me his journey of love with each of his past girlfiriends
Author conehead Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 You can't change the past. If his old girlfriends bother you so much, date one of the virgins on LoveShack who have never had a girlfriend. How old are you and how old is he? He is 34. I am 30
Wibbly Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I've told myself that the person I'm going to end up marrying has to be the one I love more than I ever loved anyone else, and he has to feel the same way about me to. My longest relationship to date is only 8 months, so while I've had my heart severely broken before, the relationship was only but a few months long so I without doubt got over it entirely. My current bf of 5 months is the one I love, and I've never loved anyone else more than him. However, my bf has had numerous LTRs -- his first was 2.5 years (he called it puppy love only), second was 2.5 years (he said he was kind of in love with her, broke up cuz she cheated), third was 5 years (he was in love with her the most out of all, she left him) and fourth gf was 3.5 years (he was never in love with her). I can feel that my bf loves me, but sometimes I think about how much he must have loved his 3rd gf...and they were together for 5 years...and I can't help but feel saddened by it. I want to ask my bf if he loves me more than he's loved anyone else because this is a must-have for me if I were to marry someone. But at the same time I think how can I possibly to expect him to feel that way about me when he's only been with me 5 months while he's been with her 5 years. But then again, what if I date him for years later only to breakdown and ask him that question? What if the answer he gives me is not the one I want? If it turns out that way, I know for a fact that I will be unable to accept it. Even if I love him to pieces, the hurt would be too much for me to bear and I'd end things. I'm not sure what to do in this case. Should I ask him? Hey, In all honesty, I know you say it is a requirement of yours, but at 5-months my best advice to you is to not worry about it. A question like that puts too much pressure on a new relationship. You're still learning a lot about each other at this point and if you're not living with each other yet, you'll learn A LOT when you do. That, along with many other things, are steps you'll have to take and learn from before marriage even pops up into the equation.
veggirl Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 what a loaded question. Seriously. And after 5 months
Eddie Edirol Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Seriously. And after 5 months yep, he doesnt even know you yet, he cant possibly love you more than anyone else yet. Plus, if you ask him that, that is points against you for insecurity, and he could couldnt that against you, as a reason that you arent the one he CAN love more than the rest. Relax and wait for him to say the words that will put you at ease. Earn your spot as the one who he loves more than the rest, dont demand it. You will torpedo this relationships potential if you do.
Author conehead Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 This is the reason why I love LOVESHACK...everytime I have these warped thoughts/insecurities, LS kicks me in the a** and brings me back to reality. Ok I will forget about this and just enjoy the ride again 2
Star Gazer Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Asking that question after 5 short months would be very unwise.
Leigh 87 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 This is the reason why I love LOVESHACK...everytime I have these warped thoughts/insecurities, LS kicks me in the a** and brings me back to reality. Ok I will forget about this and just enjoy the ride again Yes. Well done for coming around... I am glad you seam to be able to take advice from people. A guy will never love you more than the rest, unless your a confident, secure girl; a girl who does not like everything about themselves,. but one that DOES NOT NEED to analyse your boyfriends past relationships. Your unique, and so were his ex's. You need to work on fully embracing what YOU have to offer. Enjoy just being around him, enjoy being yourself around him, and see where that gets you. Asking him this question after 5 months is such a bad thing to do, that he will look at you in a more negative light, and you will have to really redeem yourself; if your this insecure, you need to do some work on improving your self esteem as it is; no need to make it worse, by coming across badly to him. PLEASE stick to taking our advice! Your right, just enjoy the ride! Being severely hurt SUCKS; but do not let it ruin your future relationships. ANYTHING is around the corner. Try to feel secure enough in yourself, so you CAN be an amazing enough girl TO get a guy to really love you:) 1
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