Acceptable80s Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) Right where to start!! This is the quick version I was with my ex for over 4 years, since I was 16 until 20 and really loved him, I still do. He broke up with me because he told me he didn't love me anymore, which was 3years ago. However, we have hooked up every few weeks/months since our split so I've never really had a clean break from him! The longest we've gone without hooking up is only a few months and that's usually because we haven't seen each other! Anyways I thought I was moving on and doing well but unfortunately I slipped up and we hooked up again recently! However I found out he has a girlfriend now and he did when we hooked up! I just feel so used and stupid, hes kept me dangling all this time and now that he has a new woman he doesn't need me anymore! Whenever we hooked up he would always say the right things and I would really believe him but then he would mess me about again and I never learnt! He denies even remembering our last encounter (blaming drink) even though he wasn't drunk. We really cleared the air and I felt a lot better about the situation., but now that I know he has a girlfriend and did then it just taints the whole thing! We have all the same friends and live in a small town so we always run into each other so we do have to try be civil for everyone's sake. Its really eating me up that he has a new person in his life and I'm still hung up on him after all this time. We've both changed and I know we are different people now so I don't think we would work if we did get back together. But I just can't stop thinking about him, he's always on my mind! I'm surrounded by constant reminders, I even work with his brother! I just don't know how to move on, I've tried all the usual ideas but yet I'm still hanging onto something that isn't there anymore! I just need to get him outta my head but no matter how hard I try I can't! Any ideas? I know I sound pathetic and I guess I am but I just need some advice! Thanks for reading xx Edited April 10, 2012 by Acceptable80s
Mr Scorpio Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I just don't know how to move on, I've tried all the usual ideas but yet I'm still hanging onto something that isn't there anymore! I just need to get him outta my head but no matter how hard I try I can't! Any ideas? I know I sound pathetic and I guess I am but I just need some advice! Have you tried no-contact? Not talking to him, not going where he is likely to be, not 'hooking-up' with him?
CaliBabe Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 This is really terrible. He must be loving life right now, he has a new interest and you, his ex, on the back burner. You really have to show him that he cannot do this. You can achieve this by moving on with your life, letting go and doing YOUR own thing. You will eventually be able to move on but only if you let him go. Ignore him and go NC. It is your only chance. If not you will continue this cycle, you deserve better.
lizardking8610 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 My advice to you Acceptable80s would be to leave this guy and stop hooking up with him. You have never, for a sustained period, ceased communication or physical "interaction" since the breakup. I feel like emotionally you still consider yourself in the relationship. You're on a forum asking for advice (nothing wrong with that) about a relationship that you say ended some time ago. In my mind I get the impression that you are still very much emotionally invested in this relationship. You still are spending your time thinking about your ex, who by the way, has the best of both worlds right now. In the long run this isn't going to be a productive expenditure of your mental energy. In fact thinking about an ex can be downright exhausting! Oh and read the thread in my signature, it might help! Ask yourself some questions: Do I have the self control to not "hookup" with this person? Is this situation fair to me? Am I being treated the way I think I should be in a relationship? I say relationship because in my opinion an ex is just that, an ex relationship, meaning it once was but now it is no longer; and at the end of the day all we really have is NOW. I hate to see this happen to you because it is an unpleasant experience to say the least. This guy is playing you and keeping all of his options open, no one wants to be second best, I know you dont! Or you would not be asking for advice. What does your self worth demand of you? If all it demands is putting your life on hold, breathlessly waiting for Mr. Wrong to stop cheating on his girlfriend and be all yours, then by all means continue what you're doing. If it demands more...move on and do what you need to do for yourself and put your goals first. *Tip If you do take my advice and cease all communication with your ex he may try to desperately get you back. At this point you have to make a decision and your gut knows exactly what that is. Move ON! this of course is just my opinion
Author Acceptable80s Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) I agree with all of you here! To be honest I was an idiot to ever think we could just hook up and that it was okay. I can see that now but I told myself it wasn't hurting anyone but of course it was hurting me and now that he has a girlfriend its unfair that he would do this to her. I know its not possible but I know I wouldn't be happy if we did get back together because he has changed a lot since, so have I. I loved him for who he was and I don't know him as well anymore, I think I'm just in love with a memory at this stage, just in love with what we had. Its just I live in a bit of a fantasy world you could say, I day dream constantly and I find it hard not to let my mind wander and think of him! Thinking of different scenarios that will never happen. I could be good all day and think of him very little and then when I go to sleep there he is! I'm trying to remember what I used to think about before we started going out There's like two parts of me, one knows I need to move on or I will never be happy and that he's not worth another second of my time and then the other part just doesn't want to listen! I feel like I'm wasting my life being hung up on him, it annoys me, I just want to be happy! I'm trying the no contact thing again, I've tried it before and it failed! I was even living abroad for a few months and he still found a way of getting to me then, texting me and writing to me then. Its like when he knows I'm moving on or doing well with my life that's when he starts talking to me and or telling me he misses me etc. But I do agree the no contact thing is the best option, outta sight outta mind hopefully I just need to stop thinking about him maybe then I'll be able to move on once and for all! I do really appreciate everyone reading my comment and for all the advice thank you xx Edited April 11, 2012 by Acceptable80s
Chi townD Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Well, at least you're now realising that contact with him only puts you right back to square one. THAT'S why you can't get over him. What you need to do is focus on you. Fix yourself. You have very low self-esteem if you keep allowing yourself to go back to him with little to no results. Go out and get a new hairstyle and buy new clothes. Start changing your self image. Get a membership to a gym and start running on the treadmill and pushing weights, do a Yoga or a Zumba class. Great way to work out your frustrations. Go to school and get your degree (or if your in school, pour all of your focus into it to get that degree). That will only help you and make you more marketable for the workforce to land that SWEET job getting paid GOOD money. Then, you can buy that little cute Townhouse a couple of counties away and a nice car. Then, TRAVEL! Go places. See new things! Just GO!!! The best revenge that you can have is to live a good life!
Author Acceptable80s Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 I appreciate all the advice everyone I just hate thinking of him with his new girlfriend and telling her he loves her and all that while I still miss him and think about him all the time!! I just wanna get him outta my head, I'm my own worst enemy
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