The inevitable: ex keeps me on string but has kissed someone else

[Stilnaught]

This might be a useless thread, but writing down the story and hearing the reactions will do me good, i think.

 

I broke up with my ex months ago. It was a slowly declining relationship which ended in a discussion. I had still feelings for her and she for me, but there were so many problems and issues ...

 

Now, basicly, she kept me on a string. She has often said that i was a wonderful person and a perfect boyfriend, but she just couldn't be together with me. She didn't know what she wanted etc.

 

Now i've found out that she kissed another guy a month after our breakup, and that she kept him on a string too. She would behave relationship-like to him, only to cry and say that she thought about me at a point. They haven't had actual sex, but have done some more sexual stuff afaik.

 

This has been going on for months, and she hasn't told me about it. She even told to me that she didn't know what to do with the guy, because she knew he loves her, but doesn't want a relationship with her. To me, she made it look like a friend who she developed feelings for, but who she wouldn't ever want to marry.

 

I feel terrible now. I knew she had GIGS, and this would be possible. But she has hidden it under my very nose, lied about it, and in the meanwhile kept telling me that she still cares about me, even that she can't have another guy because of the thoughts of me ...

 

What should i do with her? Critical part: i can't throw her out of my life, as i see her on campus every week ...

Edited April 9, 2012 by Stilnaught

[budley12]

hey there, I am sorry for your loss. We have something in common with the fact that we both goto the same campus. it SUCKS! I see my ex and the new relationship all the time walking to class. My best advice is to go NC. It really helps to move on. My BU was 4.5months ago and I was strung along for the longest time. My ex said he wanted to get back together, said he wanted to be good friends, said he doesnt want me out of his life... it got to the point that he was saying these things and sleeping over at someone else's dorm room. I was being strung along to see whether he liked the new person more than me. I kept making excuses for him and myself to hang around up until he said to me "I think I may start up a new relationship with ______". I knew it was coming, but I didnt want to believe it. Even after him telling me I didnt believe it. I told myself "its only a fling", and doesnt matter. I even asked my ex if his new relationship is a "rebound". I was pathetic on me knees begging, It was HELL....

 

Do not let this happen to you. I have been NC now for 2.5months and I am starting to find me again. I still think about him constantly but I know I am getting better, and I hope that after a long period of NC we may be able to be friends again and able to talk.

 

As for seeing each other on campus. its horrible. Since I know my ex's classes I take new paths to avoid him. However sometimes I see him and the new toy out on a date and its another stab to the chest. But honestly after each time I see them together he grows more and more distant to me.

[Stilnaught]

Yes, NC seems, even though i have been fighting it, the only solution.

It's just so problematic that i can't throw her out of my life. I see her often, and i think i can populate a town with all our mutual friends.