Girlfriend's Ex contacting her

[Grinder88]

I need some opinions. We've been dating for three months now. My gf got out of a 10month relationship late last year and we started dating right around the 1st of the year. Her ex has been contacting her every so often (usually while hes drunk) the texts have usually been along the lines of "lets ****" or other booty call texts. And generally just bad mouthing me (who hes never met) and our relationship

she had been friends with him until one night about a month ago when he got drunk and started harrassing her through texting and calling. she deleted him then told him to not text or call anymore. that NC lasted until about last week He called and told her how much he loves her and how much of a fool he was. Then today I see she is friends with him again.

 

Shes been upfront about him contacting her (as far as i know at least) she hasnt tried to hide anything. I just cant understand why she added him again its like she cant ignore him.

 

Shes told me she has never been happier than she is with me and how much she loves me. an she would never go back to him but I cant help but be concerned. Is my concern reasonable? and what should I do about this guy?

 

oh and when i asked about her adding him again she first said that he did send a request but she ignored it, and then I told her what I thought about the whole situation and how she is never gonna get rid of him if she keeps acknowledging him and then she said she deleted him. I just checked and sure enough they are still friends

Edited April 9, 2012 by Grinder88

[january2011]

she said she deleted him. I just checked and sure enough they are still friends

 

I think it's time to question your relationship with her. She starting to lie to you. And although this guy has been driving a wedge between the two of you, she seems to have handled it well out in the open until this point. But as soon as she started to prioritise her ex's wishes to maintain contact over your wishes for her to sever contact, that marks a crossed line, in my opinion.

 

This guy won't leave her alone and he's not supportive of your relationship. She's allowing him to cross her boundaries and interfere with her current happiness. I don't think there's a lot you can do beyond what you've already done other than to leave and find someone who can maintain stricter boundaries with a toxic ex.

[g450]

Oh boy I feel for ya. Had a similar problem with my GF. She was actually still married to him but he was separated from her for years and living with another girl at the time. He would text some really nasty crap. He was basically an emotionally crippled child with a dirty mouth and mind.

 

Problem was, while separated she would occasionaly give into him and have sex with him. This went on for years. And when she met me I question her as to why she did not divorce him after being separated for almost five years. The reason was because she was still in love with him and was still having sex with him. I just did not know this at the time.

 

And I have reason to believe that this still went on while I was seeing her although I do not have solid proof. I did give her the benefit of doubt and it backfired on me once. I kicked her out of my house when I found out she was "meeting him" allegedly "just to talk" (her words).

 

So be warned. How your GF handles this crap from him will tell you everything you need to know. But right now I see a giant red flag. She still wants contact from him. So this means she is either an attention whore or she is still having sex with him and is not over him. Im sorry man but that is my honest opinion.

 

I dont mean to upset you but I have been there bro. It took me a while to figure all this crap out. My GF also gave me the ILY thing but women (people) lie all the time. It's the nature of the beast.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think it's time to question your relationship with her. She starting to lie to you. And although this guy has been driving a wedge between the two of you, she seems to have handled it well out in the open until this point. But as soon as she started to prioritise her ex's wishes to maintain contact over your wishes for her to sever contact, that marks a crossed line, in my opinion.

 

This guy won't leave her alone and he's not supportive of your relationship. She's allowing him to cross her boundaries and interfere with her current happiness. I don't think there's a lot you can do beyond what you've already done other than to leave and find someone who can maintain stricter boundaries with a toxic ex.

Yeah, her behavior is sketchy, and she's disrespecting you. At this point, I'd insist that it stop. If she isn't willing to do that, or she lies about it anymore, I'd break up.