Own Worst Enemy Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hi All I've been lurking on this site for a while and it seems like everyone is pretty supportive and helpful, so firstly HI and I will join in and do my best to be the same! Secondly, I wanted to get my recent story off my chest and to see if anybody has anything helpful to say that will let me get off my butt and start to get over this... ~ wavy lines ~ So I met this guy on my first ever foray into the world of internet dating about a year ago. We're both 30, living in the city, both professionals, and we start with a few texts. This rapidly proceeds to break all the rules, and soon we are texting very intimate things on every level: family, ideals, sex, etc. I am very outgoing, friendly, know what I want. He is great but deeply screwed up, has v few if any real friends, has had 10 years of therapy, has a lot of issues about himself and especially about sex. He is a curious mix of extremely hot and knows it, and little-boy-lost. When we met up it went brilliantly well and for a few months we dated happily. It was all pretty casual on the surface, kind of a once-a-week type thing, but the feelings were fairly deep underneath. Then after about 3 months we had a blazing row after sex because he was so obsessed with not getting pregnant. We fixed it, but he started saying that he wanted to turn the pressure down, ie to hang out without having sex. Of course, that was the beginning of the end, and about 3 weeks later, he told me that I was his best friend but he liked me too much and couldn't cope with the pressure of the relationship, so could we just be best friends. Stupidly I didn't toss my drink in his face and walk away. And it turns out he is the only guy on the planet (ok being a bit flippant here!) who says that and does NOT mean no-strings sex. He means he wants to be best friends and no sex. A couple of weeks after that, I hurt myself by looking back on the dating website... oh yes... there he was. Cue the second blazing row. Since then we have continued to be friends, with just one shagging blip, but it's clearly more than just friends and less than a relationship. He will send upwards of 10 emails a day, including emails from his boss about his salary, pictures of his breakfast, details of anything he is doing. He emailed me over 100 times from his recent 2 week holiday. Who does that with just a friend? I know he hasn't dated anyone else (YET!) and we get on amazingly. We had another argument a week or so ago when he eventually admitted that he just didn't feel "the right sexual chemistry", whatever that means, but maintains it's all about him and not about me. Finally we went out this weekend and I was allowed to meet his brother, which has not happened before. We got on well and I thought it was a great night. Until his brother left. And I got a 90 minute diatribe for "flirting" with him (I really wasn't). He then came round to mine at 7.30am the following morning to apologise but to say that he was still v unhappy about my "flirting" and that he wouldn't be happy seeing me flirt with anyone, but his brother made it far worse. How can that be fair? Do you really get to end it with someone and then have a go at them for flirting? When the two of us are in our bubble, it's great. Other than that, it makes me upset that he doesn't want me, and I am absolutely killing myself thinking that sooner or later he is going to meet someone else who apparently does have "sexual chemistry". I need to end it before this happens. Rhetorical question really: can this guy just not see that we have a winning lottery ticket here, or does he in fact see me as some creepy mommy hybrid that he doesn't want to share with his brother? If it's the former, is there ANYTHING I can try before walking away from it, which I have tried on a few occasions and always given in when he emails me? And if it's the latter... how fast should I run? Thanks for reading, I'm sorry you won't get that 5 minutes of your life back, but I will be helpful in return! xx
wilsonx Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Run, He has an emotional wall up that you wont be able to climb over. He's good at what he does. The second you start climbing his wall and he develops feelings he pushes you away. He dropped "sexual chemistry" line as a bait for you to have more sex with him without the emotional aspect of it and make you drop your wall. He is playing mind games at your expense.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hi All I've been lurking on this site for a while and it seems like everyone is pretty supportive and helpful, so firstly HI and I will join in and do my best to be the same! Secondly, I wanted to get my recent story off my chest and to see if anybody has anything helpful to say that will let me get off my butt and start to get over this... ~ wavy lines ~ So I met this guy on my first ever foray into the world of internet dating about a year ago. We're both 30, living in the city, both professionals, and we start with a few texts. This rapidly proceeds to break all the rules, and soon we are texting very intimate things on every level: family, ideals, sex, etc. I am very outgoing, friendly, know what I want. He is great but deeply screwed up, has v few if any real friends, has had 10 years of therapy, has a lot of issues about himself and especially about sex. He is a curious mix of extremely hot and knows it, and little-boy-lost. When we met up it went brilliantly well and for a few months we dated happily. It was all pretty casual on the surface, kind of a once-a-week type thing, but the feelings were fairly deep underneath. Then after about 3 months we had a blazing row after sex because he was so obsessed with not getting pregnant. We fixed it, but he started saying that he wanted to turn the pressure down, ie to hang out without having sex. Of course, that was the beginning of the end, and about 3 weeks later, he told me that I was his best friend but he liked me too much and couldn't cope with the pressure of the relationship, so could we just be best friends. Stupidly I didn't toss my drink in his face and walk away. And it turns out he is the only guy on the planet (ok being a bit flippant here!) who says that and does NOT mean no-strings sex. He means he wants to be best friends and no sex. A couple of weeks after that, I hurt myself by looking back on the dating website... oh yes... there he was. Cue the second blazing row. Since then we have continued to be friends, with just one shagging blip, but it's clearly more than just friends and less than a relationship. He will send upwards of 10 emails a day, including emails from his boss about his salary, pictures of his breakfast, details of anything he is doing. He emailed me over 100 times from his recent 2 week holiday. Who does that with just a friend? I know he hasn't dated anyone else (YET!) and we get on amazingly. We had another argument a week or so ago when he eventually admitted that he just didn't feel "the right sexual chemistry", whatever that means, but maintains it's all about him and not about me. Finally we went out this weekend and I was allowed to meet his brother, which has not happened before. We got on well and I thought it was a great night. Until his brother left. And I got a 90 minute diatribe for "flirting" with him (I really wasn't). He then came round to mine at 7.30am the following morning to apologise but to say that he was still v unhappy about my "flirting" and that he wouldn't be happy seeing me flirt with anyone, but his brother made it far worse. How can that be fair? Do you really get to end it with someone and then have a go at them for flirting? When the two of us are in our bubble, it's great. Other than that, it makes me upset that he doesn't want me, and I am absolutely killing myself thinking that sooner or later he is going to meet someone else who apparently does have "sexual chemistry". I need to end it before this happens. Rhetorical question really: can this guy just not see that we have a winning lottery ticket here, or does he in fact see me as some creepy mommy hybrid that he doesn't want to share with his brother? If it's the former, is there ANYTHING I can try before walking away from it, which I have tried on a few occasions and always given in when he emails me? And if it's the latter... how fast should I run? Thanks for reading, I'm sorry you won't get that 5 minutes of your life back, but I will be helpful in return! xx There is nothing you can do; he sounds like an attention whore. You are okay in your bubble, but that's not the real world. Also, don't worry about sexual chemistry==what would he do with her for the remaining 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day. Just a little tongue in cheek, but in the grand scheme of things, sexual chemistry is just a little thing. This dude sounds like trouble and will keep searching and searching on those sites.
Author Own Worst Enemy Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 this is the kind of thing i need to hear, so i can keep repeating it to myself! x
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 He... has a lot of issues about himself and especially about sex. he was so obsessed with not getting pregnant. Wow, these are issues far beyond your scope. I think he'd have to live in Oregon for him to get pregnant.
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