casanovadude81 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I’ve noticed people in life and on the internet talk about playing hard to get, and or acting busy. For women Topic of “playing hard to get” seems to arise. As for men “acting busy” or being “aloof and hard to get a hold of” is the topic. Now what do these things have in common. Bingo to the persons who thought high value. That’s right a person who values themselves isn’t just going to be some doormat. There for a girl of value naturally will be “hard to get” for all even the right guy. That isn’t to say she won’t sleep with him on the first date. What I’m saying is to really get her means you have to be somebody true. Not just go through the motions. Otherwise she’ll leave you even if you did have sex or what not. It’s a respect thing. As for being a man it’s the same thing don’t be a doormat. A man of value even if he isn’t busy being a spy or astronaut could be busy playing a game or drawing a picture he meant to draw. Even if he decides to spend the day with a girl or hours on the phone he does it because that’s what he truly wanted. He’s not just some people pleasing doormat. The people pleasing doormats usually do anything but please even if that is their stated intent, and they come off as needy with every gift or favor they perform. These are the people who don’t understand and see respecting yourself as playing aloof. So in end don’t play games just be a person of value. That is be s value to yourself. Respect yourself kid and you’ll go far. Kiss kiss 1
Author casanovadude81 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 oh and I just wanted to add playing hard to get or acting a certain way like busy will only make you seem fake. Also it makes you seem like you play games and that isn't good. Of course if your choice is between being a doormat and playing games then playing games might be best. Then again you're just a doormat playing games then. Best to become the real thing, some one genuine and respectable.
dasein Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Relationships and dating is about 20% of my desired life mix, and someoone who fits that is going to have about 20% of their time available for dating and a relationship. Such a person won't have time to be texting me 20 times a day or wanting to spend every night together early on, or even go on several dates a week until they are sure about me, and if they get sure about me too fast, they don't have good enough judgment to deserve me... and vice versa.
SJC2008 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Being busy doesn't make me wonder what she's doing nor does it make me want her more. It makes me think she's busy, playing games or flaky. So if I like her I'm disappointed and if I don't I'm like eff it. 1
phineas Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Being busy doesn't make me wonder what she's doing nor does it make me want her more. It makes me think she's busy, playing games or flaky. So if I like her I'm disappointed and if I don't I'm like eff it. Pretty much. If you are too busy to respond to my txt or return my call in a timely manner or too busy to even schedule a date then I view you as not suitable to date simply because you have too much going on. I "dated" a woman where I only saw her every other week because she was too "busy" & that did not last long.
dasein Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I don't asign a percentage but I see what you're saying. casanovadude makes some interesting points though. I agree with several of OP's points also. Just pulled 20% out of my ass, could easily be 15 or 25%.
SJC2008 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Relationships and dating is about 20% of my desired life mix, and someoone who fits that is going to have about 20% of their time available for dating and a relationship. Such a person won't have time to be texting me 20 times a day or wanting to spend every night together early on, or even go on several dates a week until they are sure about me, and if they get sure about me too fast, they don't have good enough judgment to deserve me... and vice versa. Can you elaborate on being sure about you too fast? The last woman I dated we went out a week apart for the 1st two then about 4 days later the 3rd. I slowed down due to school then she slowed down (mabye to counter my slowing down lol) due to being busy. It fell apart for reasons already discussed here. I here you on the machine gun texting the but what is this about having time that everyone is talking about. If I can date once a week is that too available? I skipped a week because of school work with the last one. I mean, after a couple of dates you pretty much know the other persons schedule work wise. How busy should you be? The way I see it is if someone is with me they are showing interest in me that they could be doing something else and vice versa. So how does making yourself available bad?
Lobouspo Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Can you elaborate on being sure about you too fast? The last woman I dated we went out a week apart for the 1st two then about 4 days later the 3rd. I slowed down due to school then she slowed down (mabye to counter my slowing down lol) due to being busy. It fell apart for reasons already discussed here. I here you on the machine gun texting the but what is this about having time that everyone is talking about. If I can date once a week is that too available? I skipped a week because of school work with the last one. I mean, after a couple of dates you pretty much know the other persons schedule work wise. How busy should you be? The way I see it is if someone is with me they are showing interest in me that they could be doing something else and vice versa. So how does making yourself available bad? Its a fine line IMO. I think going out three times a week when you first meet is too much, but only going out every other week does not really allow you to bond with someone, hence the " too busy, playing it cool" card becomes counterproductive 1
SJC2008 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 What ever happened to take time out of your life to date and getting to know someone. I'm not saying cut off contact with the rest of the world or stop living your life? How the heck else do you do it? I can only truly manage, without risking school suffering, 1 date a week anyway. If the person you're dating is interested and happens to be busy a couple of weeks they will assure you they are interested and if not, they are playing games or are bad communicators IMO. It blows my mind how people make it past this crap and become couples.
Author casanovadude81 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 Pretty much. If you are too busy to respond to my txt or return my call in a timely manner or too busy to even schedule a date then I view you as not suitable to date simply because you have too much going on. I "dated" a woman where I only saw her every other week because she was too "busy" & that did not last long. You should be busy with your own life its moronic to change and do a 180 for some one you just met. Thing is common courtesy needs to play a role. Making some one feel good is important. I agree with several of OP's points also. Just pulled 20% out of my ass, could easily be 15 or 25%. I see what you did there. Its a fine line IMO. I think going out three times a week when you first meet is too much, but only going out every other week does not really allow you to bond with someone, hence the " too busy, playing it cool" card becomes counterproductive I see that. What ever happened to take time out of your life to date and getting to know someone. I'm not saying cut off contact with the rest of the world or stop living your life? How the heck else do you do it? I can only truly manage, without risking school suffering, 1 date a week anyway. If the person you're dating is interested and happens to be busy a couple of weeks they will assure you they are interested and if not, they are playing games or are bad communicators IMO. It blows my mind how people make it past this crap and become couples. You need to show you're a person who respects themselves and some level of privacy is needed for that. You can get to know some one with out being needy about it. See what I'm saying. If you're having trouble dating you might want to think about this. Don't get swept up into the wrong way of thinking about it as it seems you might be.
dasein Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Can you elaborate on being sure about you too fast? One date a week is a great pace. When an early date goes well, and esp once you start having sex, there's that tendency to repeat that every night, which is a mistake IME. There are so many people who rush into the next relationship out there that you can use it as a screen. If after you recently started sleeping together, the girl starts making "why aren't you here every night like so and so's BF is??" that's a big red flag in my book. Another thing is when you start getting "love signals" from one too fast. They start to want to plan out future things a month or more in advance despite that you aren't even exclusive yet. Sometimes they blow up the phone with calls and texts, sometimes even naked pics. The prideful tendency is to take these things as ego boosts without really considering what's going on. At the very least, such women are going to be annoyingly clingy, at worst a giant gaping black hole of an emotional vacuum that will coopt every other area of your life right from the start. Good sex makes for some BAD decisions and mistakes I've made could fill a whole forum in this area.
phineas Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Once a week is good also. With just using the phone to plan a date. Maybe a catch-up for a little bit between dates but on the phone not txting.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Most people are terrible at dating so they resort to games.
Author casanovadude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Most people are terrible at dating so they resort to games. Well fake it till you make it works because if you fake confidence you become confidence. With playing games you arn't necesarily going through the correct motions so you're just being terrible at dating. Although if you're really terrible then I guess I agree playing games might help if your natural inclination is to be a doormat.
RachR Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Being busy doesn't make me wonder what she's doing nor does it make me want her more. It makes me think she's busy, playing games or flaky. So if I like her I'm disappointed and if I don't I'm like eff it. That's pretty much how I react to guys who do this. It doesn't make me more intrigued or interested - it has the opposite effect. And I don't want to have to play games to get his attention either.
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