hockeyman80 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 What do you do? Just cut them loose? Do you ignore what they say even though you know it might not ever end? Do you say something back? I'm not sure what to do anymore. I have this friend who I'd definitely consider more of an acquaintance now than anything else. We met years ago because we had similar hobbies so we'd often attend the same things. He's the type of person who loves to get a rise out of someone and loves to irritate people for fun to see their reaction. The issue I have is that it seems like I am the target for all of his "entertainment". I mean, there's only a few people I know of that he'll downplay to their face and embarrass them in front of their pals and I'm one of them. There's a bunch of other people who he leaves alone regardless of what they do. The things he does are basically things that give me a bad name so it's hard to ignore it even though I want to. He'll spread rumors about me that aren't true, tell people that I want to get with their girlfriends when it isn't true, make up quotes or stories about me and post them on Facebook or tell them to my friends to get them to laugh (they always make me look as dumb as a post). He always initiates all of this stuff. He'll be straightforward, rude, and insensitive with all of his comments, but when you say something not nearly as "bad" back to him he crumbles and can't handle it, tries to make you feel bad and points the finger. He can make a joke out of me forever but pretty well cries when anyone else "laughs" at him or when it's given back to him. These type of people irritate me the most. Thankfully not all of my friends are like this but this guy really is and has been like it for a while. I've deleted him off Facebook, removed him from BBM, cut him out of my life for months only for him to come crawling back. The dude asked me to stand in his wedding and I really have issue with this because he's only gotten worse and worse with the "bullying" I'll call it. If I say something back he crumbles for a while and doesn't know what to do but then starts attacking again after a period of time and won't stop. I'm talking multiple times a day. I could go on and on with stories but hopefully this post gets the message through enough. What to do? How do you respond? Do you just cut him out (again)? I'll be definitely crossing paths with him again and sometimes it's quite awkward. I've tried telling him to knock it off and all that stuff and it only works temporarily. Ages are ~25.
SpiralOut Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Have you told him not to dish it out if he can't take it? I would probably tell him that if he wants to bother me I am going to bother him right back and if he doesn't like it, it's his own fault. That's just me, though. When it comes to people like that I don't really care if they bother to stick around as my friend or not. They can either deal with the consequences of their actions or they can get lost.
KathyM Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I don't see the point in keeping bullies in your life. They will only continue to bully you. And it is pretty typical of bullies to get offended or hurt when others give them their own treatment. They can dish it out, but they can't take it. Bullying usually comes from feelings of insecurity, and they have very fragile egos, which is why they crumble when they are put down or insulted. I would suggest you stay away from that type. He's not likely to change. As far as being in his wedding, I would suggest you tell him you don't feel close enough to stand up at his wedding, and leave it at that. 2
Eddie Edirol Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Problem is you enabled his behavior because you sort of fought back, but not with enough fire to discourage him, you only feuled it. Well if you cant keep him out of your life, the best thing to do is keep smashing him even when it isnt warranted. Multiple times a day, but you dont keep it light, you lay the heavy stuff on him. let him crumble, and if he tries to point the finger at you, you make fun of him for that. But you have to be merciless. When comics roast each other (not on a stage) , the comic doing the roasting knows to go rapid fire, and the roastee is under too much fire to even think. SO, if your friend knows that you will go at him rapid fire, with no mercy, he will remember to not start with you. But you have to be merciless, and you have to not feel guilty about it. I was raised this way with friends, and I had to learn to fight back with my brain, and be able to come up with anything just to keep going.
quankanne Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 there's no law saying you must keep toxic relationships in your life. And face it, this guy is nothing but a bully. my thought is to have a sit down with him and gently BUT FIRMLY tell him that you are not going to stand up in his wedding because you don't consider him a friend. That his incessant bullying behavior demeans any idea of friendship between the two of you, and that has no place in his life. Wish him luck and be on your way. better yet, write it down in a letter and send it registered mail to him. And maybe a copy to some of your mutual friends who also are uncomfortable with his behavior so that he can't "spin" the story and say you are out to get him for BS reasons. yeah, it sucks, but believe me, your life becomes much less complicated when you excise those friends/family who are toxic to your life.
Tayla Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Try any of the following: 1: A witty comeback 2: Turn the other cheek 3: behave non chalant 4: Give them the "look". The stare down as though their statement was such a disappointment. 5: Echo back what they said in a different tone as if you are inquiring what they meant by that statement. Chances are they are oblivious until someone else says it back to them... 6: Silence itself can be a great disarming tool.
waynelw Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Try any of the following: 1: A witty comeback 2: Turn the other cheek 3: behave non chalant 4: Give them the "look". The stare down as though their statement was such a disappointment. 5: Echo back what they said in a different tone as if you are inquiring what they meant by that statement. Chances are they are oblivious until someone else says it back to them... 6: Silence itself can be a great disarming tool. That's a good idea
CC12 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Do you just cut him out (again)? Yes. The issue doesn't seem to be so much that he dishes it out but can't take it, the issue is actually that he's just an ass to you. If I were in your shoes, I'd say "Congratulations, but I can't accept your offer to be a groomsman (or whatever). Good luck with everything." Then I'd absolutely cut him out of my life again. Don't ever put yourself in a position where he'd be able to pick on you again. 1
Ross MwcFan Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Cut him out of your life. He's a complete prick and you deserve better. 1
freestyle Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I'm going to agree with some of the previous posters--- It's time to yank this weed out of your garden.Friends should enrich & support your life, NOT be a source of stress.
pureinheart Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 What do you do? Just cut them loose? Do you ignore what they say even though you know it might not ever end? Do you say something back? I'm not sure what to do anymore. I have this friend who I'd definitely consider more of an acquaintance now than anything else. We met years ago because we had similar hobbies so we'd often attend the same things. He's the type of person who loves to get a rise out of someone and loves to irritate people for fun to see their reaction. The issue I have is that it seems like I am the target for all of his "entertainment". I mean, there's only a few people I know of that he'll downplay to their face and embarrass them in front of their pals and I'm one of them. There's a bunch of other people who he leaves alone regardless of what they do. The things he does are basically things that give me a bad name so it's hard to ignore it even though I want to. He'll spread rumors about me that aren't true, tell people that I want to get with their girlfriends when it isn't true, make up quotes or stories about me and post them on Facebook or tell them to my friends to get them to laugh (they always make me look as dumb as a post). He always initiates all of this stuff. He'll be straightforward, rude, and insensitive with all of his comments, but when you say something not nearly as "bad" back to him he crumbles and can't handle it, tries to make you feel bad and points the finger. He can make a joke out of me forever but pretty well cries when anyone else "laughs" at him or when it's given back to him. These type of people irritate me the most. Thankfully not all of my friends are like this but this guy really is and has been like it for a while. I've deleted him off Facebook, removed him from BBM, cut him out of my life for months only for him to come crawling back. The dude asked me to stand in his wedding and I really have issue with this because he's only gotten worse and worse with the "bullying" I'll call it. If I say something back he crumbles for a while and doesn't know what to do but then starts attacking again after a period of time and won't stop. I'm talking multiple times a day. I could go on and on with stories but hopefully this post gets the message through enough. What to do? How do you respond? Do you just cut him out (again)? I'll be definitely crossing paths with him again and sometimes it's quite awkward. I've tried telling him to knock it off and all that stuff and it only works temporarily. Ages are ~25. This individual needs professional help. I'm not sure why he uses you as a target, but for some reason he feels like he can get away with his behavior with you...this is why you need to cut this off on all levels, it is very unhealthy. Try looking some of his behaviors up on the internet, this might give you understanding as to the indepth reasons why he is a toxin in your life. Yes it will be awkward your paths cross, and you say it will at some point, although it helps to understand that you've done everything in your power to "right" this situation, so there is nothing you can do to fix it...he chooses to remain the way he is. Good luck!
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