Tamahome560 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Just joined the forums today in hope that someone may provide some insightful comments and somehow help me with the confusion. I'll try to keep it short, some months ago I was introduced to the most amazing woman that I have ever met, we instantly clicked and there was amazing chemistry between us. After much talk I asked her out on a date and she agreed, and in one weeks time we would meet again. In between our first meeting and our first date we grew to like each other very much, found many similarities between us and that we understand each other incredibly well. But she made it clear she didn't want a relationship at the moment but wouldn't mind a casual relationship or the so called ''friends with benefits''. I went along with though just before our first day she admitted she is actually getting emotionally involved which I was doing too. Well our first date went perfectly without going into details. Not long after it we spoke on the phone and we both came to the conclusion that casual relationship with no emotional involvement or feelings is impossible and so we became a couple. For months everything was perfect, I thought I had found my soul mate that I could spend the rest of my life with and she felt the same way. We would spend at least a day together almost every week, around 2 hours of travel by train to get to where she lives. There wasn't a day where we wouldn't call or message each other. That was until December 2011, when one day she just said that she doesn't want a relationship any more and so we broke up. It was painful but we didn't argue, I tried convincing her to think about it a little bit more but I didn't work. I asked her why, but she said she isn't able to give me an answer, she just said this is how she feels. The same night she sent me a message when I was asleep, it said that she is missing me. The following day we've met up since she came over here to spend Christmas with her family, she hugged and kissed me which confused me greatly but anyway I tried asking her to changed her mind and convince her to give us another chance but it was hopeless. In January 2012 at some point I just stopped pushing her to change her mind and gave up but not long after that she called one morning and said she wants to be with me again and so I agreed and for a while everything was great again until late February when we were spending a couple of days with each other, she said she cannot do this any more and that she tried making this work but she just doesn't love me any more. So we broke up again. I haven't really pushed her this time around. I did visit her a few times and some times she would be clingy, huggy and kissy and being all sweet, but other times she just treated me like a friend. She even cried once when I was leaving because I could only stay for couple of hours. I did get a message saying that I'm the one she loves, which is contradictory to what she said before about not loving me any but anyway. Eventually I've found out that she is flirting with another guy, and she herself admitted that she got close to him and so I was overcome with jealousy that I couldn't handle. So I decided to break contact with her but first I told her how I feel and what I'm going to do about it. She said I'm just being silly and I should get over myself, she sort of just shrugged it off, that was until I deleted her from Facebook. She felt very hurt and that I was being unfair and egoistic. I was the person who she trusted the most and I knew the most about her. She said that she refuses this course of action. I agreed to meet up with her after a week and again she said she doesn't love me the way she used to but wants us to remain close, she asked if she can kiss me I said yes. Nothing really changed I told her I just cannot get my head around her not loving me and getting close to that other guy. For a few days we haven't contacted each other until she said it's over between her and the other guy to which I replied that I'm sorry. She started sending me more messages and so we had a conversation and we agreed to see each other again. And so she came over here to see her family, I went to pick her up from the train station, she went in for a kiss and I let her but she felt I didn't really want to. We talked and she said that I'm acting weird not embracing the kiss fully to which I replied ''We are not a couple, friends don't kiss. Remember that one time when I tried holding your hand and you said no, we are not a couple any more and I should accept that'' she turned her head around and said whatever. A day before the meeting she also called me a ''sweetheart'' which she never did after we broke up. I brought that up and had no answer from her. And here I am thinking to myself just what the hell, if she wanted me back she would just have to say a few words and she knows that but does nothing about it but yet is clingy, huggy and kissy. If she wanted a casual relationship I would assume there'd be no need for all that behaviour since it's just sex. She stills sees me as an ideal man and says I have rarely done anything wrong. So how can someone who apparently loved you unconditionally just stop loving you like that, when I haven't done anything or changed in any way. And now all this confusing behaviour. I just don't understand anything any more. Anyone any thoughts? Thank you.
wilsonx Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Your idea of unconditional love is skewed. That is not unconditional love, to me that story reads "Rebound". She stated from the beginning she wanted casual. Like most people in your situation, you didnt listen and pushed for more then she stated.
Author Tamahome560 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 She did want casual. But later we mutually agreed that we both want more and it was in fact her who brought it up in the first place, wanting more that is.
robkris8079 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 there is always conditions to love unless it's your child. I don't think my kid could do or say anything that would make me stop loving her. Now a gf, no matter how much I was in love with her could do quite a bit to change that. Including but not limited to cheating, lying, not respecting me, hurting my child, not being a good role model for my child, etc.
Author Tamahome560 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 The thread title seems to be causing a bit of confusion, should have made it a little bit clearer, the title is just some of her words. Didn't know what name I should give this thread so I just typed down one of the most recent things on my mind in regards to the relationship.
wilsonx Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 OH....She loves you as a friend.... for normal people.... friendzone Meaning even if you dont like her, she will like you.
happyme Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hi Tamahome560, She says this, she says that.... who cares? Instead of listening to the noise that comes out of her mouth watch her actions... chopping and changing, saying one thing doing another.... she is playing you for a fool. I'm not saying you are one, but if you go on allowing this for any longer you will be. She's behaving disrespectfully. Be strong and don't be such a lemon. If/when you show her you are not playing these silly games she will probably double her efforts to manipulate and control you and that is when you really will have to move on, for your own sake and hers. Good luck!
Madman81 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 What she seems to be telling you, without saying it, is that you don't rev her engine. That's nobody's fault; it's just the way it is sometimes. If that weren't true, she (a) probably wouldn't have broken up with you, and (b) wouldn't be blowing hot and cold ever since. She'd be having difficulty keeping her hands off you. To put it simply, in her perception, you're the guy she SHOULD be happy with -- not the guy she IS happy with. That's the meaning of that whole "you almost never did anything wrong" line. And trying to build a relationship with her in that case is a recipe for ultimate disaster, because she'll probably cheat on you, or otherwise break your heart sooner or later. I think you need to basically cut her out of your life, and tell her you're doing so. Stop taking her calls. Stop seeing her. This may sound cruel, but that's not why you're doing it -- you're doing it so that you can stop having your heart yanked in all different directions. She'll think you're punishing her, but it's not true. You'll be doing it for the sake of your own emotional well-being. You need the chance to get over her, and you can't do that if she constantly coming back into your life and sending you mixed signals.
ShaneSchommer Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Man, you need to stop seeing this girl. Plain and simple. She is using you and I think you know it too but dont want to accept it. If you do get back together it will end.... again.... cut this girl out of your life. Make her miss you, make her realize how dumb she is for treating you like she does and kick her ass to the curb. Its not fair to you. Im not trying to be mean but I think you need to see things clearly.
Author Tamahome560 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 What she seems to be telling you, without saying it, is that you don't rev her engine. Do you mean that I don't turn her on any more? Or is there another meaning I'm missing. Because the attraction and the chemistry is still there, what she seems to want right now is the original ''friends with benefits'' relationship. But the signals she is sometimes sending just confuse me because one moment it seems like she cares for me like she did before and then she is just cold.
yellafella Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 i am going through something simular but this time its over (3rd time she broke up with me and it has been over text every time) this time she told me she isn't in love with me after we've been so good to eachtoher. it hurts so much because i fell in love with her. This time is different she isn't text msging me or calling me like she used to. she msg'd me a couple times after on yahoo and called me but it was just cold. no emotion, fwb start of a relationship seems to never really last. thats how it was with my ex and i. we had a fwb relationship for a week before we actually started dating. the very last time she was always saying how much shes in love with me and wanted to marry me then suddenly when i finally asked her if she wanted to marry me she changed her tune. for your sake just leave the girl alone its harder to do than say because im struggling with it also ( every morning when i wake up without her by my side my heart hurts). so to save you from your pain just cut it.. no way it will work out
g450 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Oh boy, been there done that, have the t-shirt. I had almost the same exact situation with my rebound relationship. Lasted only a few months. Had sex twice, she friendzoned me. Treats me like Im some gay boyfriend she can talk to about all the other guys she was doing while I mow her lawn and cook her BBQ. Took me a while to wise up. You need to do the same. She doesnt want you that way. You want something completely different so go find it. She is not it. Let her go. And if you make the mistake of keeping her as a friend, this will cause problems in your next real relationship so dont go there. Trust me on this. Listen to those of us that have been there. I know it hurts but a year from now you will ask yourself "what the hell was I thinking?"
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