ramona Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 So, I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. He's really great, makes me laugh, intelligent and nice.... but he doesn't seem to have good hygiene habits. I started noticing unidentifiable stuff on his teeth, when i go through his hair with my hands i can feel it's dirty and greasy. He doesn't have bad odor though, he always smells nice, which confuses me even more. Now, since we just started dating and everything I don't know how to tell him that without hurting his feelings/offending him which I don't want to do. I tried hinting it a few times but gave up because it can only sound retarded. Like, I can't tell the guy ''I think maybe you should brush your teeth'' or ''your hair is kinda dirty, you should wash it''. I can, but I'm not used to, it's something everyone should know without someone else telling them! So what kind of approach should I use w/o sounding like a b1tch.? It became unbearable for me to even kiss him. I really like him but if I see him dirty again I think I'll totally lose it. HELP! :L
insertnamehere Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 OK, we're talking about a grown man, correct? Not to be a dick, but poor hygiene in an adult is grounds for just up and leaving. 2
Author ramona Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 OK, we're talking about a grown man, correct? Not to be a dick, but poor hygiene in an adult is grounds for just up and leaving. Like I said, I really like him and see other qualities in him so I'm not up for just breaking it off cause of this. I just don't wanna sound like a bitch while telling him about it..
Ruby Slippers Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I would just give it to him straight: "There's something on your teeth. Would you mind brushing them?" "Your hair is kinda dirty. Could you wash it?" Not the most pleasant conversation, but I see no other way around it. Most guys don't get hints very well. 5
SmileFace Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Yeah you can only be straight forward in this situation.
Professor X Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Just be straight forward, and after that, start doing some stuff together, like showering, taking baths, etc - those are always nice. 1
veggirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 OK, we're talking about a grown man, correct? Not to be a dick, but poor hygiene in an adult is grounds for just up and leaving. Gotta agree with this. By a certain age those habits should be in place, wonder how long he'll be able to change for without constant nagging (not saying you're nagging OP but long term...) Like I said, I really like him and see other qualities in him so I'm not up for just breaking it off cause of this. I just don't wanna sound like a bitch while telling him about it.. then go for what Ruby suggested. As your putting your hands in his hair, tell him it feels greasy. You'll have to be direct. It's honestly better than trying to be coy. 2
Author ramona Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Thanks for your replies people. Yeah I guess that's it then. If I have to sacrifice the niceness in me and tell it to his face then I shall! 1
FitChick Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I had a friend who dated a guy like this. I think she asked him if he liked his dentist and he said he didn't have one. She said, "Let me make an appointment for you with mine. He's great. Just go in for a cleaning and check up and if you don't like him, you don't have to see him again." Something along those lines. As for hair, take a shower with him and shampoo his hair. Afterward say how you love running your fingers through clean, silky hair. 2
dasein Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 "Brush your teeth, baby" works on all, "Let's brush our teeth," if the person is particularly sensitive, then go brush your teeth while they brush theirs. If they get hurt about that, -then- it really is time to leave. As far as dirty hair, no idea on that. Never dated anyone with unclean hair. I get mild dandruff whenever the season changes and using OTC dandruff shampoo for a week does away with it. Is it that sort of thing?
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I would just give it to him straight: "There's something on your teeth. Would you mind brushing them?" "Your hair is kinda dirty. Could you wash it?" Not the most pleasant conversation, but I see no other way around it. Most guys don't get hints very well. Ruby is right. Just tell him.
Cypress25 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Are you sure his hair is dirty, or is it possible that he puts styling product in it? Some guys use hair gel that makes their hair look and feel greasy. And does he have bad breath? If not, he probably does brush his teeth every day. They might be stained from years of drinking coffee or something, but that's not necessarily a sign of bad hygiene. Have you spent several days in a row with him and discovered that he doesn't shower or brush his teeth?
Yare Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I don't care how nice the guy is...If he has bad hygiene that is it for me..I am out! That would turn me off...if he doesn't take care of his mouth imagine what is going on between the legs...I wouldn't want to find out:(
spiderowl Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I've had to face this a couple of times, guys I felt weren't keeping himself as clean as I'd like or particularly not brushing teeth. I took the route of tactfully saying something rather than losing them. In one case, I'm pretty sure a health problem was something to do with it and in both it was a lack of awareness. But, the problems didn't disappear, kept recurring and it was a constant nuisance that turned me off them. They were both sincere guys too so it was a great shame but in the end it ruined things and I left. I expect there are some cases where just making a guy aware works, but it didn't in mine.
Yare Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 no because those type of people have bad HABITS..and habits are hard to break...
veggirl Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 no because those type of people have bad HABITS..and habits are hard to break... Word. You can't shower and wash his hair for him daily! Seriously...a grown man shouldn't have to be told "ooh lets go shower together babe!" in order to trick him into cleanliness... where else does this spread to in his life...what's his house/apartment look like, so on and so forth :-/
Jane2011 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I've somewhat had this issue before, too. My ex-boyfriend did brush daily/regularly; yet, there were still times when I saw him when it just seemed like there was so much food he'd had and general accumulation of mouth debris since the last time he'd brushed (that morning or eight or nine hours ago); I just wanted him to brush more. I was with him for five and a half years and never, myself, got complacent about dental hygiene. I'd brush right before seeing him every single time. I actually never said anything to him because kissing him wasn't "gross"; he was a teeth-brusher; it just wasn't as squeaky clean as I prefer (and am myself). If I were you, I'd just tell the guy that it's not like he has bad breath or bad hygiene (dentally) [maybe he does, but act like you don't necessarily think so], just that you have this thing for really clean-kissing so you wouldn't mind if he brushed more often...
Leigh 87 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I've somewhat had this issue before, too. My ex-boyfriend did brush daily/regularly; yet, there were still times when I saw him when it just seemed like there was so much food he'd had and general accumulation of mouth debris since the last time he'd brushed (that morning or eight or nine hours ago); I just wanted him to brush more. I was with him for five and a half years and never, myself, got complacent about dental hygiene. I'd brush right before seeing him every single time. I actually never said anything to him because kissing him wasn't "gross"; he was a teeth-brusher; it just wasn't as squeaky clean as I prefer (and am myself). If I were you, I'd just tell the guy that it's not like he has bad breath or bad hygiene (dentally) [maybe he does, but act like you don't necessarily think so], just that you have this thing for really clean-kissing so you wouldn't mind if he brushed more often... YOu dated for 5 years, and you did not feel close enough to tell him? Since we are online, I will put this out there ( however disgusting it truly is); I have a nose hair or two I have had, and my boyfriend has had to tell me. He did not tell me in a nasty way in the slightest; he just said " hey, it is there" in a way that did NOT imply he thought I was gross, or was less attracted to me. Another point, on smelly issues.... If my vagina odour is stronger than usual, my boyfriend has told me. Again, he never implied that he wanted to give me oral less; just that he would rather me have a shower to get rid of it, on those times. He is fussy, more so than 98% of men, in this respect. LIkewise, I also will tell him, if his genital region is not pleasant enough to do down and " visit". Although, EVERY time it has smelt strong, he KNEW before hand, and TOLD me that he needed to shower; I just happened to smell it before he got the chance to. It seams some people KNOW when they are a tad more smelly than usual. WHen it comes to teeth brushing; my partner gets tired at times, and cannot be bothered to brush his teeth at night. NOw, he has lovely straight teeth, but they fo look a tad dirty at times. I simply tell him " hey babe, brush your teeth plz, they r a bit smelly haha". He does not take it personally. 1
Author ramona Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 I had a friend who dated a guy like this. I think she asked him if he liked his dentist and he said he didn't have one. She said, "Let me make an appointment for you with mine. He's great. Just go in for a cleaning and check up and if you don't like him, you don't have to see him again." Something along those lines. As for hair, take a shower with him and shampoo his hair. Afterward say how you love running your fingers through clean, silky hair. This actually sounds pretty good:D Are you sure his hair is dirty, or is it possible that he puts styling product in it? Some guys use hair gel that makes their hair look and feel greasy. And does he have bad breath? If not, he probably does brush his teeth every day. They might be stained from years of drinking coffee or something, but that's not necessarily a sign of bad hygiene. Have you spent several days in a row with him and discovered that he doesn't shower or brush his teeth? No it's just sheer dirtyness in his case. And I didn't spend several days in a row with him to see it, but it's just something you can tell, you know? As far as the hair and his teeth go anyway, his body smells good so I reckon he does shower. I don't care how nice the guy is...If he has bad hygiene that is it for me..I am out! That would turn me off...if he doesn't take care of his mouth imagine what is going on between the legs...I wouldn't want to find out:( Lol, his privates are just fine, I have some standards:laugh:
Motor35 Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 wow....i don't know if i could deal with having to tell a man to take care of himself i did bail on a great guy years ago for lack of teeth brushing and hair washing. well....that and he HATED dogs. wtf, right?!
insertnamehere Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Sorry, as a grown person I don't feel an obligation to nurse anyone through stuff their parents should have gotten right the first time. Failing that, their friends, college roommates, co-workers, etc should have sorted that out for them. Mature love means not spending an undue amount of time fixing basic stuff.
prune juice Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Word. You can't shower and wash his hair for him daily! Seriously...a grown man shouldn't have to be told "ooh lets go shower together babe!" in order to trick him into cleanliness... where else does this spread to in his life...what's his house/apartment look like, so on and so forth :-/ nobody's perfect. its one thing to not shower for weeks, but if he lets say doesn't do quite a good enough job when showering or doesn't brush well enough. a sesible approach is to tell him once nicely and dump if he doesn't respond. too many people rush to dump perfectly good guys and then complain there are no good guys left. if he doesn't shower for weeks or never brushes or something really egregious, immediate dump.
ButterflyPrincess Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 My BF has a habit of forgetting to brush his teeth regularly unless I remind him (I'm totally the opposite- I brush and floss mine so much that the enamels already wearing down). Normally he'll see me brush mine though, and then he realizes that he should probably do the same thing- kind of a "monkey see, monkey do" sort of deal XD. So if you are having a hard time discussing that with him, you could start with that approach and see if he takes the hint. If that doesn't work for you then, yeah, just tell him straight up (guys aren't always the best at taking hints). My BF usually takes my cues, but barring that, I'm definitely not afraid to tell him to brush- (plus, it's better for his health anyways, not just for looks and breath) He's great when it comes to other hygiene matters though- we do shower together, but that's for other reasons
Recommended Posts