He flaked out, now mad at me?

[lammie]

Hope some of you can shed some light on this..

 

Met this guy online two months ago, we were going to meet up then, but he fallen seriously ill, so he had to cancel. He rescheduled our date but had to cancel again because he was still ill. We are both off the site now but still kept in touch (flirty text etc) fairly frequently the last 2 months. I fancy him a lot. Last week, He finally suggest to meet this weekend. Haven't heard from him since the Tuesday, then I texted him on Friday to ask if we were still on. Next day he replied, "hell yes we're still on but got lured away a mini easter roadtrip to the country not back until Sunday night." asked if I was free on Monday.

 

I was furious because from what I gathered from his text earlier that week that we were going out on Saturday. I can't believe he flaked me out for the 3rd time!!! I told him I thought we were going out today and that he stood me up again, he could have told me he had plans so I could arranged other plans. Not Cool.

 

He texted back and apologised and said he didn't realised we decided on a specific date. Never heard back from him.

 

Sunday: I tried to clear things up that he was right we didn't set a specific date. I've misinterpreted his msgs as he was keen to see me as soon as I was available that didn't realise he was just joking. No reply.

 

Desperado I know. I msged him again later that night telling him that this misunderstanding incident upsets me and that these texts are not helping. If we could forget this and hope this didn't mess things up. 48 hours since his last text, till no reply.

 

I've screwed this up royally haven't i?

 

How can I save this or there's nothing I can do?

Edited April 9, 2012 by lammie
spelling errors oops

[sid3]

Hope some of you can shed some light on this..

 

Met this guy online two months ago, we were going to meet up then, but he fallen seriously ill, so he had to cancel. He rescheduled our date but had to cancel again because he was still ill. We are both off the site now but still kept in touch (flirty text etc) fairly frequently the last 2 months. I fancy him a lot. Last week, He finally suggest to meet this weekend. Haven't heard from him since the Tuesday, then I texted him on Friday to ask if we were still on. Next day he replied, "hell yes we're still on but got lured away a mini easter roadtrip to the country not back until Sunday night." asked if I was free on Monday.

 

I was furious because from what I gathered from his text earlier that week that we were going out on Saturday. I can't believe he flaked me out for the 3rd time!!! I told him I thought we were going out today and that he stood me up again, he could have told me he had plans so I could arranged other plans. Not Cool.

 

He texted back and apologised and said he didn't realised we decided on a specific date. Never heard back from him.

 

Sunday: I tried to clear things up that he was right we didn't set a specific date. I've misinterpreted his msgs as he was keen to see me as soon as I was available that didn't realise he was just joking. No reply.

 

Desperado I know. I msged him again later that night telling him that this misunderstanding incident upsets me and that these texts are not helping. If we could forget this and hope this didn't mess things up. 48 hours since his last text, till no reply.

 

I've screwed this up royally haven't i?

 

How can I save this or there's nothing I can do?

 

What exactly is there to save, and why would you even want to? I'm certain there is an abundance of single men where you live.

[NeverDated]

You didn't screw it up. He'll probably get back in contact after a fashion, just to see how desperate you are for his attention. Have a bit of dignity and follow the three-strike rule. He obviously doesn't care enough to keep, not one, but three dates, so you just shouldn't care enough to even continue the conversation.

[phineas]

Way too much invested in a guy you haven't met.

I think the "sick" was BS.

This guy sounds like he is leading you on & probably has a GF.

 

I know Verizon allows you to temporarily block people.

I suggest you do it for this guy.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Yeah...you might as well lay down on a train track to show your desperation. I mean wow, you really just insist on getting strung along don't you?

 

You realize how this looks to a man? "Hey look how desperate I am to go out with you!, hell If you can screw me over this much and I haven't met you, imagine how I'd put out and let you drag me through the dirt the rest of the time after I develop "feelings"...I'm a total push-over and don't deserve any respect!"

 

This guy has something else going on and he definitely can't make you a priority, what the hell are you looking to get out of it? what are you thinking for crying out loud? That after you met someone he'll magically turn into this great and accountable guy...you don't know who he is!, you know some fake front he's put on while getting to know you.

 

Save this? how about save yourself from humiliating yourself...you're lucky he couldn't find a gap in his schedule enough to screw you over...

 

Then you'd be posting something else on the forums "He was so into me at first...he cancelled on my the first two times but he met up on the third and everything seemed great...I don't usually do this, but we ended up sleeping together...but now It's been two weeks and he hardly calls and contacts me, what went wrong? did i do something to turn him off?, he never has time for me"

 

If you put this much effort into a stranger, I feel sorry for your by what you'd be willing to do to make a "relationship work"...draw the line somewhere.

[spiderowl]

I doubt you messed up. He's been unclear and messing you around in a way which is unlikely to be accidental. Of course he's going to blame you for 'misunderstanding' him. I think he's half interested but not enough to be clear and set a dead straight line towards you. Don't bother chasing him, he's really not worth it. He's likely to try to contact you if you don't bother contacting him, because he was enjoying the attention, but it doesn't mean he's any more interested, just afraid of losing another fish he's been dangling on a line. There will be someone else along soon who will value you enough to make a firm date and stick to it.

[spiderowl]

And I do think that was a bit harsh, Ninja. I know you make a fair point and know what you're talking about but we women are often genuine and innocent about what some guys get up to. I might have learned the hard way but she is not being stupid and a doormat; she is learning. It's just sad that one has to realise how some guys are and that they will abuse a girl's genuine feelings.

[Sith Apprentice]

Welcome to the world of players. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy already has a girlfriend or he at least has another woman he's seriously dating. Sounds like he blew you off to spend Easter weekend with someone else. Keep this up and you're gonna get used.

[threebyfate]

Desperado I know.

Tough love says, absolutely. No more. Grab your pride by its whimpering balls and move on.

 

As a guess, this guy will try to hook you again. Don't respond. Ever. No need for drama, no need to waste any further emotion. Fade.

[starla33]

You can NEVER take guys from online seriously when you haven't met them yet. I've had numerous guys flake on me and have flaked on a bunch as well. Hell even today a guy flaked on me from a dating site and didn't bother to re-schedule...just forget it and move on. I'm already making dates with other guys for next week.

[CC12]

Sunday: I tried to clear things up that he was right we didn't set a specific date. I've misinterpreted his msgs as he was keen to see me as soon as I was available that didn't realise he was just joking. No reply.

 

Desperado I know. I msged him again later that night telling him that this misunderstanding incident upsets me and that these texts are not helping. If we could forget this and hope this didn't mess things up. 48 hours since his last text, till no reply.

 

You should not be apologizing for this or taking the responsibility for the "misunderstanding." You didn't misunderstand. He said he would see you on the weekend and then he made other plans. It doesn't matter that no concrete day or time was set, he said it would happen "this weekend" and it didn't. Monday is not the weekend. And there wasn't even a good reason for him rescheduling, like illness or having to work, or anything like that. He just decided to do something else. You were stood up.

 

Someone said you're not being a doormat, but I think you kind of are. I don't say that to insult you, but it's just outrageous that you're apologizing to him and somewhat begging him to contact you after he was a jerk. You're showing him that it's okay to treat you badly.

 

So, no, you didn't screw this up, but please stop being apologetic. He's the one that screwed it up. The real mistake would be to keep contacting him or to respond if he contacts you again. Be thankful you haven't heard from him. Find a more responsible, respectful guy.

[Own Worst Enemy]

But a rude tool. I am angry just reading about it!

 

I've done the emotional investment in someone I haven't met yet thing a few times. It never works out. Basically I think you take everything you are looking for and pin it on the texts/emails. Then when you meet each other, how can it not be a disappointment for least one of you? Nobody can meet someone's fantasy!

 

There is a reason why the updated Online Rules say don't date anyone unless they've asked you out within 3 communications. Life's too short.

 

Ignore him, flirt with someone else, soothe your ego with his inevitable useless texts in a few day's time!

[lammie]

I am still very upset by this, but going to stick to my 3-strike rule. It's a bit difficult not to develop feelings when you talk to someone pretty much everyday for the last 2 months (I wasn't at first but do believe his illness was genuine). He did asked to meet within our first 3 initial communication, it just didn't happened the first 2 time. This time his excuse was just lame. Monday technically was still weekend here, as it's Easter Monday (not that it's an excuse). And I did stressed that to him that it was not cool for what he did (initially) then try to retract what I said the next day when I started to panic & feeling desperate. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I assume people are not intentionally evil.

 

I suppose it's jerk like this that makes women cynical.

[prune juice]

I am still very upset by this, but going to stick to my 3-strike rule. It's a bit difficult not to develop feelings when you talk to someone pretty much everyday for the last 2 months (I wasn't at first but do believe his illness was genuine). He did asked to meet within our first 3 initial communication, it just didn't happened the first 2 time. This time his excuse was just lame. Monday technically was still weekend here, as it's Easter Monday (not that it's an excuse). And I did stressed that to him that it was not cool for what he did (initially) then try to retract what I said the next day when I started to panic & feeling desperate. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I assume people are not intentionally evil.

 

I suppose it's jerk like this that makes women cynical.

 

what makes men cynical is women give chance after chance after chance to these jerks and sometimes even blame themselves when the jerk doesn't want them. all this time you've closed out all other guys while this jerk is giving you the run around.

[gaius]

Guys who cheat on their wives/girlfriends generally have a good grasp of her schedule and can avoid having to cancel 3 times in a row. It's more likely he's lying to you about something that would be pretty obviously exposed in actually meeting up. Probably just stringing you along for the thrill of the ride and attention.

[Emilia]

I am still very upset by this, but going to stick to my 3-strike rule. It's a bit difficult not to develop feelings when you talk to someone pretty much everyday for the last 2 months (I wasn't at first but do believe his illness was genuine). He did asked to meet within our first 3 initial communication, it just didn't happened the first 2 time. This time his excuse was just lame. Monday technically was still weekend here, as it's Easter Monday (not that it's an excuse). And I did stressed that to him that it was not cool for what he did (initially) then try to retract what I said the next day when I started to panic & feeling desperate. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I assume people are not intentionally evil.

 

I suppose it's jerk like this that makes women cynical.

 

No sorry, you only have yourself to blame. A complete stranger is a complete stranger. You have never met. Next time you will know better than getting 'involved' Mr Fiction.