Briceno1 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 i met my girlfriend on facebook the year before last. she is mexican and lives there. as i knew i would be coming to mexico in the future for work, we began a relationship online which progressed into a real relationship until we finally met in person in may of last year. things kind of got off to a rocky start because my work was extremely demanding, added to that the pressures of living in a foreign country. i know and accept full responsibility for the fact i neglected her and did not give her nearly the attention i should have for most of the time i was there. she was very good to me and very attentive. i was, for the most part, an *******. i often came home from work stressed out and irritable. when i did give her attention, it was half hearted at best and i could often be mean. not verbally abusive or anything, just kind of a jerk to be around and taking her for granted a lot. as work pressures died down (around the end of last decemeber), i began to realize what a beautiful person she was (inside and out) and how lucky i was to have such a person in my life. i apologized on several occasions for my actions. i told her i was really beginning to fall in love. she told me that she had loved me all along. i dedicated to trying to make things right between us and made every effort to spend quality time together. although we still had occasional differences (mostly due to language and culture) it wasn't anything like before. things improved a lot and i began to develop strong feelings. this period lasted until the beginning of march when i had to return to the states. we promised to stay together and wait for each other as i will be returning later this year. this is where the trouble began. i promised to call her most days. things started off well and we were talking frequently, saying how much we missed each other. then i became busy again and didnt call for a few days. i received a text message from her which said we needed to talk. i called promptly and she said she had been thinking and didnt see it working out and decided she didnt love me anymore and she hung up. a few hours later a received a call and an apology with the outcome being that she was feeling insanely insecure because i hadn't called her. i forgave her and let it go, explaining why i hadnt called and telling her that if she was feeling insecure to tell me and we could work it out without resorting to extremes. in light of how i treated her in the past, i figured i deserved this anyway. since then i have really tried to reassure her. i had been feeling her a little distant the last few days and asked her about it tonight. she said she couldnt let the past go and was still very hurt and angry about what happened and didnt want to be with me anymore because she couldnt get over it. i was really falling in love and made sure to tell her frequently that i really appreciated her. too little too late? what should i do? i really want to be with this girl. help!!
Author Briceno1 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 anyone there? im desperate!! help me please!!
TMichaels Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 what should i do? i really want to be with this girl. help!! Then act like it and quit treating her like an idle amusement you play with when the mood suits. Best, TMichaels
aisle_seat Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) Long distance relationships are different than non-long distance; they rely exclusively on non-physical communication, and lots of it. It sounds as though even when you were together with her, you did not treat her with the respect she deserves. You may have moved in together too quickly...if you weren't in love with her. You were, as you say, "falling in love" with her. A strong relationship requires intimacy, whether long distance or not and that should be established before making the decision to live together. If you don't know what I mean by intimacy, look it up. From what you've said it seems as though she has a lot of emotion invested in you but you not so much in her. If you did, you wouldn't be a jerk to her (your words) and you would not allow being busy with work keep you from your commitments to call her when you say you're going to. Unless you're deployed military or something similar, there's no excuse for not finding a few minutes during the day to call her and let her know she matters...or at the very least sending her an email or text. I don't know if you can save this relationship, but if you can, it starts by being attentive and letting her know she's an important part of your life and that you place a high value on your relationship with her, in both words and deeds. Good luck. Edited April 9, 2012 by aisle_seat
Author Briceno1 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Then act like it and quit treating her like an idle amusement you play with when the mood suits. Best, TMichaels believe me for the last few months i have treated her like anything but an amusement. maybe its a little late, but i definitely realize that how i was acting affected her. the question is, where do i go from here?
Author Briceno1 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Long distance relationships are different than non-long distance; they rely exclusively on non-physical communication, and lots of it. It sounds as though even when you were together with her, you did not treat her with the respect she deserves. You may have moved in together too quickly...if you weren't in love with her. You were, as you say, "falling in love" with her. A strong relationship requires intimacy, whether long distance or not and that should be established before making the decision to live together. If you don't know what I mean by intimacy, look it up. From what you've said it seems as though she has a lot of emotion invested in you but you not so much in her. If you did, you wouldn't be a jerk to her (your words) and you would not allow being busy with work keep you from your commitments to call her when you say you're going to. Unless you're deployed military or something similar, there's no excuse for not finding a few minutes during the day to call her and let her know she matters...or at the very least sending her an email or text. I don't know if you can save this relationship, but if you can, it starts by being attentive and letting her know she's an important part of your life and that you place a high value on your relationship with her, in both words and deeds. Good luck. thanks for answering. i never did move in with her. as far as contacting her, i did send a couple of messages but she was looking for a phone call i guess. unfortunately, i really wasnt able to in those few days. i think the key here is that she is holding onto the past..and maybe with good reason. how do i convince her that im not that guy anymore and i realize the error of my ways and really want to be with her
aisle_seat Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I don't think there is much you can do other than maintain good communication with her on a schedule to which you both agree and be a good boyfriend. You've now decided she is who you want, she now needs to decide if she wants you. As far as the long distance aspect of it, do you have specific plans for being together in the future? It's hard to maintain an LDR if there is no plan for ending the LD part.
Author Briceno1 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 I don't think there is much you can do other than maintain good communication with her on a schedule to which you both agree and be a good boyfriend. You've now decided she is who you want, she now needs to decide if she wants you. As far as the long distance aspect of it, do you have specific plans for being together in the future? It's hard to maintain an LDR if there is no plan for ending the LD part. Sound advice, thankyou. In terms of the distant part, yes we did have plans for being together in the future. however, things are now up in the air as she hasn't made up her mind if she is ready to try again with me, and said she needs time to think about it. what do you think, should i suck it up and wait for her indefinitely to make a decision?
aisle_seat Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Well, no, you shouldn't wait indefinitely. But be patient, be good to her, and give her some time. If she hasn't decided in a month then I think you have to tell her you can't continue to be in limbo. At that point, let the chips fall where they may.
Kuen Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Communication is very important in every relationship because it will give a chance to express what you feel and also you know the feeling of your partner.
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