smc25 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hi Everyone! Im new to this site, but I hope to get to know some people here and contribute in a helpful manner Anyways here goes: So a week ago my GF, my sister, and I were cooking for dinner for my friends since it was my last night in town when I was visiting my GF. So I was cooking while my sister and GF were baking. Both of us took up quite a bit of space and the kitchen was only meant for one cooking project to be going on. I started to get really frustrated with the lack of cooking space and lack of serving dishes (we were cooking for about 7 people and my sister only lives with one other person). I wanted things to be perfect but with things not going my way (i.e. the lack of space, soup spilling everywhere, my clumsiness, the lack of plates) I started to get really frustrated and it showed. My GF asked if she could help and I said no its ok and that next time we should only cook one person at a time. Which she took as me telling her that I wanted her out of the kitchen (...) but anyways so back to present day! A conversation came up about that night and I told her exactly, "Well It seems like you can't understand why I got frustrated" Which prompted her to get upset, which then prompted me to get upset and an argument occured! Ugh... My problem is that I don't really think that she should have gotten upset at me telling her she did not understand? Am I wrong? Was I too harsh for saying seems, because does it sound like I am belittling her?
TaraMaiden Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 you're posting about a hissy-fit in the kitchen? Really?? What are you going to do when something important happens? My point is this: If you can't see your way around communication with something as trite, and puerile as this, i don't hold out much hope for you when the schytt really hits the fan..... for goodness sake! "I was just frustrated because we were all in a kitchen that as way too small for so many people and we were getting under each others' feet, and i'm clumsy and spilling stuff got on my nerves, that's all!" Really - how hard is it??
rogerwaters Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Your case is a classic "men are from mars, women are from venus" example. Men when faced with a problem, like to be left alone and want to figure that job out themselves. When a man sees one of his guy friends with a problem, he will back off and will offer a solution only if his friend asks for it. Women on the other hand like to talk. Women feel that if their female friend has a problem, she must talk about it. What she was trying to do was to help you! You were getting frustrated and she picked up on that and her only intention was to help you get things done better. But you saw it as an intrusion of your space while you wanted to be left alone, you thought it was frustrating for you. And once she saw you were being frustrated, she got frustrated because she was genuinely trying to help you. Just communicate and sort things out. This is a very common problem in relationships. 1
oldguy Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 My problem is that I don't really think that she should have gotten upset at me telling her she did not understand? Am I wrong? Was I too harsh for saying seems, because does it sound like I am belittling her? Yes, you are wrong. If you don't think someone has understood you it is your job to understand why you didn't make yourself understood. Telling someone they don't understand only builds a wall. See ragerwaters post also
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