Sephrone Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hi everyone, I was in a 4 month relationship with this girl who I met at Uni. This was my first ever GF. It didn't start out like any fairy tail. I originally asked her out and she said no, then a few months later she started talking to me a lot more. I thought if she wanted to go out she would ask, but she never did. So I ended up just asking her out again and she said yes. For the first 3 months things were great. We dated, had our first kiss and both her and I and a few of our friends went away to a holiday house for just over a week. After that we started spending more and more time together. I would visit her and she would visit me, eventually we started to sleep together. Then Uni started back and we could only see each other 1-2 times a week. Even then it was only for dinner and to stay the night (drive each other to uni the next day). I felt like everything was going well in our relationship, that is until she came over Sunday night 2 weeks ago. She told me she wanted to break up because Uni was stressing her out and she was having a break down. Of course I was upset by this, but I told her we might just need some space for now and then see how things are. Like all relationships, we had our problems. Unfortunately the biggest problem was that she wouldn't talk to me about anything (Both her parents and her friends agree she is impossible to talk to). This lead me to believe that we just really needed to have a talk about these things and that I had to make sure that she knew that I cared about her and wanted to support her. I won't bore you with unnecessary details of the last two weeks, but one thing to note in particular was this: I sent a message to both of her close friends and to one of the guys at Uni just to say that she is under stress and if they and anyone else could just make sure they show her that they care. The guy from uni's reply was so completely out of line that I forwarded her the messages as well as saying if she trusts this guy with private things about us more than me (she didn't even discuss these things with me) then it's over. I still don't know exactly what she thinks about him given I have shown her the evidence, but I do know that her parents were very upset with the way she was handling this and also the way she was treating me, but also her dad said, after reading the transcript, that this guy from uni will never be welcome in their presence and that she has to dissociate with him (btw: they have never told her who she can and can't be friends with before). They also said she had to have the talk with me that we should have had before things got this way. It was a day ago that I finally talked to her friends to see if they could offer any insight to what was going on (I had been completely in the dark for the past 2 weeks). Her first friend told me she didn't know because she is impossible to talk to (you don't say), but her second friend told me that she was still stressed out, recently a close friend of hers from high school had passed away, she does hold things in and that she just needs to talk to me and let it all out. She also said that she knew that she loved me. I knew then that had to talk to her and start working things out and show her I care about her. I told her I was coming over that night and she didn't try to stop me. When I was there, I told her about my feelings and that even though things were hard I was here for her and I wasn't going to just walk away from her (I felt that if what I was saying was true, then I couldn't wait until after the funeral to talk because I wanted to be there for her). Unfortunately she only said this: I don't have feelings for you anymore. I was shattered. I asked if she was willing to try and see if we could work things out, she said no. In the end there was nothing more I could do. I told her that I still care about her, but that until I have moved on I can't have anything to do with her. And then I left. I am under no illusion that things may change. The fact that she doesn't have feelings for me means more than anything I need to stop having feelings for her. If she does change then so be it, but I am not going to wait. I write this story to you all because it was, as I said, my first love. I have had a (very) similar experience to this in my past, and so I know in time I will find someone else and this experience will just become another memory like any other, but for now I still have strong feelings for her (and yet I am still worried that my memories of these feelings and of the time we had will haunt me somehow). I am not seeking anything in particular, but I would greatly appreciate hearing your opinions, similar experiences and similar stories. If you are really interested, I am willing to elaborate and maybe learn something in the process Thanks for your time.
perryb13 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Well, my recent relationship wasn't my first, although it was my first for a lot of things. Although only dating her for a year, I felt like she could really be the one. Then I guess I started to learn about how she actually felt about certain aspects of my life, and I ended it. Throughout our relationship, we always told each other how much we meant to each other and that this was something special. Nevertheless, I was treated poorly towards the end and I decided to end it, because I knew it was for the best; it turned into a very unhealthy relationship. Well, of course, she pulls the classic "but we still have to be friends" even though this is impossible to do immediately after a breakup, even if you were really good friends beforehand (which is my situation). I tried really hard but she seemed to be throwing me under the bus and not being a good friend...she actually went so far as to tell me I was her best friend, but she never acted like it. It's only been a month, and it seems like she's already moved on to another guy. It felt ****ty because she told me all these things like "what we have is special" etc. My first breakup was rough too, man. So I feel you there. The second one hasn't really been easier for me, but I guess you learn to handle yourself appropriately. Posting on this site has helped me immensely.
Recommended Posts