Clep Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I am wondering if anyone here would attend a funeral of a person who hated them. If you knew the person hated you and said they never wanted to see you again, would you go?
january2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 No, I wouldn't go. Why were you invited if the deceased hated you?
perryb13 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 If you were cool with them at some point but then something happened that made them dislike you...idk it's hard. It would depend on how close I was to the person. I feel that no matter how much dislike, if you respected this person at all during their life it would be honorable to at least stop by.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I am wondering if anyone here would attend a funeral of a person who hated them. If you knew the person hated you and said they never wanted to see you again, would you go? no, but they're not alive to care what I do...
Itsonlyme66 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I would go. Especially if I loved them. I would touch their hand and tell them I loved them and that I was sorry if I did something to hurt them. but that's me. I'm a sap..... but it would help me with closure if things ended bad, I think. It depends upon how you feel about them. 2
FitChick Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) If the feeling was mutual, go back to the cemetery afterward and piss on her grave. Hey, it worked for my cousin and his horrible boss. He felt great afterward. I've never seen him so happy and relaxed. Edited April 9, 2012 by FitChick 3
UpwardForward Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I would attend if I thought my presence meant consolation for the deceased's family and/or close friends.
CopingGal Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 My ex is very sick off and on. There's a chance he could die in the next couple of years. I would NOT go to his funeral. I would want to spit on his dead body in the casket, and believe me, I have NEVER in my life felt that way about anyone. My roommates, who is the most gentle person that I ever met, said he would urinate on his body or urinate on his grave. My roommate never EVER talks about anyone like that. If I went to my ex's funeral, I would be compelled to get up in front of people and tell everyone about the horrible things he did to me. My ex is a smooth talker and only women he has been in a relationship with know how horrible he is. He play acts in front of almost everyone and comes off as a nice guy. Anyway, speaking ill of him- that would add pain to his son, so I would not even go to his funeral. The only thing I could see myself doing is mailing a pitchfork to his job and asking his boss to bury it with him so that he can use it when he gets to Hell. 1
Exit Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Don't know why but I was already asking myself this fairly morbid question the other day, if something ever happened to my ex would I show up, and my answer is no. I don't think it changes the circumstances of the situation, if this person in their life told me they never wanted to see me again, I don't think I'd invite myself to say goodbye to them, as much as part of me would probably want to go.
Star Gazer Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I am wondering if anyone here would attend a funeral of a person who hated them. If you knew the person hated you and said they never wanted to see you again, would you go? Fascinating question. Of the people I know who don't like me, I don't like them either. In such case, it's unlikely I'd go to their funeral... unless it was to support someone else who DID care for the person. (Example: Dead fictitious boyfriend of best friend.)
Trimmer Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I am wondering if anyone here would attend a funeral of a person who hated them. If you knew the person hated you and said they never wanted to see you again, would you go? Absent further information, and just going on what little you propose here, I would say "No." Of course, nothing like this is ever really simple enough to summarize in two sentences. Are they related by blood, marriage, or other relationships? Would going be a source of support to someone else (living) who I care about? As someone else pointed out, is this someone with whom I had a good relationship in the past, but then it went sour? If so, is it someone I would have reconciled with if I'd had the chance? Any of these elements could factor into my considering changing my answer to "Yes", but without more detail than you gave in your OP, I can't declare conclusively.
Author Clep Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 My family and I are not close. They are still living a life of chaos and dysfunction, while I moved on to different things. My niece hated me. She died last year when she was 26. Two years before she died she sent me some rather abusive and vulgar messages expressing how much she hated me and that she never wanted to see me again and did not want me around her children. They were usually a convenient tool. I had no ill feelings towards her. I was not angry with her as the messages were sent from a person who really had emotional issues and a serious lack of skills. I grieved her in my own quiet way. Also three of my uncles molested me as a child and one of them tried to sleep with me again when I was 21. I did not wish to be around them and they were at the funeral. Yesterday my mother let me know her disgust with me that I didn't go to the funeral. I stated my reasoning, that I was not about to show disrespect to her by going against her wishes. I said nothing about the uncles as that is a whole new issue I didn't need to get into. Mom let me know my niece would have wanted me there regardless of what she express to me, that I SHOULD have known that and I should have gone. Then she started screaming and swearing at me before I let her know we needed to talk another time. Strange to me how a 67 year old woman has so little self control. She did state that the reason for a funeral was to support the people that are left. It may be I guess. I never thought of it like that. I always thought of it as a focus on the life of the person who has died. Emotional support with my family is not really possible, at least not where they are concerned. They can't even care for themselves. Basically in a nut shell I didn't want to disrespect my niece, didn't want to see my abusive uncles and didn't want to see my entire immediate family living in multiple trailers on one property living off the system. I am aware of how they live, but don't really care to have to watch it. Now they just have one more thing to hold against me to add to the list.
Author Clep Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 I would go. Especially if I loved them. I would touch their hand and tell them I loved them and that I was sorry if I did something to hurt them. but that's me. I'm a sap..... but it would help me with closure if things ended bad, I think. It depends upon how you feel about them. This is interesting. I did communicate my sadness that I may have hurt her. She didn't accept it as she was angry with me regarding an accusation that I was not guilty of. I am not concerned about closure here as I took care of that before she died. All I can do is my part to treat others well. The rest is up to them.
Trimmer Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 OK, now that I know your situation in more detail, it comes more into focus. You sound like you were thoughtful about your decision, and you sound at peace with it now. I wouldn't second guess yourself. I can't completely put myself into your shoes, but I believe that given that senario, I would have made the same choice you did. I don't think you owe anything to that clan. And don't let your mother drag you into having to justify your decision to her. Just don't get dragged into that fight (and it sounds like you did a good job of disengaging when she tried to escalate it.) Be strong and confident in your right to make the decision you made. Like I said, don't second-guess your decision. Continue to live in peace and respect and make your own way. Keep distance from those toxic forces, even if they are within your own family. Good luck. Probably an irrelevant point, but do you know how she died? A woman dying at age 26, with a history of emotional instability and sexual abuse behaviors among multiple uncles in the family... It just makes me wonder, but it's none of my business if you don't want to share. A very sad scene - it sounds like it's good that you've put distance between yourself and all of that.
Author Clep Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 OK, now that I know your situation in more detail, it comes more into focus. You sound like you were thoughtful about your decision, and you sound at peace with it now. I wouldn't second guess yourself. I can't completely put myself into your shoes, but I believe that given that senario, I would have made the same choice you did. I don't think you owe anything to that clan. And don't let your mother drag you into having to justify your decision to her. Just don't get dragged into that fight (and it sounds like you did a good job of disengaging when she tried to escalate it.) Be strong and confident in your right to make the decision you made. Like I said, don't second-guess your decision. Continue to live in peace and respect and make your own way. Keep distance from those toxic forces, even if they are within your own family. Good luck. Probably an irrelevant point, but do you know how she died? A woman dying at age 26, with a history of emotional instability and sexual abuse behaviors among multiple uncles in the family... It just makes me wonder, but it's none of my business if you don't want to share. A very sad scene - it sounds like it's good that you've put distance between yourself and all of that. She had some kind of blood disorder. She started taking birth control pills which she wasn't supposed to and it caused multiple blood clots that blocked the oxygen to her vital organs. Her liver shut down and she died two weeks later. I do feel at peace with my decision. I am not sure if the uncles abused her or not. I do know that she spent a great deal of time around my father who went to jail for the things he did to us. I would not have anything to do with him or have my children around him. He says he changed, but I did not believe it. One can say whatever they choose, but their actions tell the real story. My mom was most likely angry because she couldn't drag me into it. Don't know when I will hear from her again and it isn't really a big deal for me anymore. Thanks for the input. I was pretty confident I wasn't being a jerk. Hearing other views never hurts though.
marqueemoon4 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) If my ex wife dropped dead today I would: 1. start organizing a party 2. go to the funeral just so I could tell her parents "karma is a bitch" 3. enjoy the rest of my life with my son by my side! Edited April 9, 2012 by marqueemoon4
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