Imported Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 You're having problems finding girls that are interested in you while in college? Hooking up, dating, meeting girls is not going to get much easier than your college days. I am sorry, but if you're having problems there, you better go ahead and start saving up for a mail-order bride or hookers. My women problems in college was there was too many women that were aggressively interested in me and I had a hard time saying no. A college campus is usually over-flowing with available women, it's like fishing in a barrel.
ThaWholigan Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Available women are everywhere. At least in my observations experience. Best thing to access them would be to go out, make friends and have fun. That's how I meet the majority of women I've been interested in (bar one I met on the internet).
Mr. Slim Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Here's all the places I've met single women out of college: book clubs, volunteering at a museum, volunteering at a historical reenactment center, volunteering at an animal shelter, any cardio or yoga class of any kind. Unfortunately, all that stuff sucks! I can kinda relate to the OP, I work in an all-male environment and most of my hobbies are male-dominated as well. I also have the luck that if I were actually go take a yoga class, I'll get the one class that term that's a sausage fest. Out and about I'll get good responses from women but they are all too young or too married.
Author somedude81 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Some are people with similar issues to you (which would be a good fit if you guys could ever find each other, but that seems to be hard to orchestrate). Girls with issues like mine are extremely rare. Hell the only one I know of is verhrzn. Most girls that would have dating issues, would be far below average and then that doesn't actually prevent women from dating. For you, I'd suggest online,Would I actually have a chance with OLD. I'm short, 30 years old, still in college and want a girl younger than me. With OLD all that stuff is presented right out there in the open. With meeting girls IRL, they're able to get to know me a bit first before they are hit with everything. I figure things will get easier once I graduate and get a real job, but I cant last another year of being single. as well as in meetup groups and clubs (clubs as in groups that do things together not the "bam, bam, bam" music clubs).The Flintsones club? What kind of stuff would girls in my preferred age range be into? I disagree. I've been on a major college campus over three distinct epochs of my life, including part time now. There are TONS of single girls. Everywhere I go on campus, I NEVER see dudes approach girls, which range from really hot to cute, to average. Yes, they probably meet guys through dorms and fraternities, but the girls who aren't into that and/or commute are wide open. The very hottest girls are probably taken, but that leaves TONS of average to cute girls. As I said before, I meet and get to know quite a few single girls but they just aren't open to dating at that time and I don't have the skills to convince them otherwise. I've already tried that and failed horribly. Dudes don't approach girls because it hardly works. I can't even imagine how it could possibly work. Here's all the places I've met single women out of college: book clubs, volunteering at a museum, volunteering at a historical reenactment center, volunteering at an animal shelter, any cardio or yoga class of any kind. You may also want to try the singles' groups on Meetup. Every group I've joined has had way more women attend (and they bring their friends, so as not to be lonely.) Thanks for the tips. I really need to get out there and do more things. BTW, do you remember which one had the highest concentration of women under 30? The only meet-up I've glanced at that showed more men than women was the Pathfinders group... so, uh, avoid table top gaming, I guess, and you'll find em. Fun fact: I went to the Pathfinder meeting, which was about 10-15 guys and about 5 women. The women were all the girlfriends/wives of guys in the group, and all but 1 of the guys had a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband. Hurray for nerds, though this REALLY means my luck at finding single men is ungodly awful. Heh, at first thought, pathfinders sounded like a hiking club or some kind of religious group. I think your area is just really off as there are more single women then men. BTW, want to trade locals for a week, then compare how well we do? Yes! Just flirt. Get practice until it feels natural. Flirt with young and old, pretty and not pretty, married and single. I'll need to make a thread on flirting later. I only just barely know the basics of it. I'm getting help but it might as well be Arabic. No! Not cold approach. Flirt with these women, and build rapport over 3-5 visits. Mention how those apples she recommended really worked out for you. Whatever! Just talk, flirt, and ask out after a few conversations. How the heck can you build rapport and see somebody 3-5 times when you meet them clothes shopping and in the market? Those are the once in a life time meetings. I'd be better off going for the waitress at the diner I went to last week. BTW, I need to go there again All good ideas. Get out and spread yourself around, SD. It's the only way. Find a music store and take guitar classes. "Hey, cute girl from my guitar class who I always joke around with, want to go get coffee?" "Hey, cute grassroots activist I volunteer with, want to go get a vegan smoothie?" This is how it's done, SD Music store guitar class eh? Could be interesting. Not too sure what grassroots things we have going on down here. BTW vegan smoothie makes me I'd be better off getting one of these. Also be best friends with a handsome chap who has the social charisma of a loveable puppy dog. Although a lot of the women I dug ended up digging him instead, the amount of people and events I ended up taking in due to his invites more than made up for it. That sounds like a horrible idea. It's tough to go it alone. Jou needs a wingman bro! Yeah, but he can't be somebody that overshadows me. I think I'd be better off with a wingwoman as I won't be competing with her. Even if the dude wasn't competing with me, women would still compare me to him. -------- I'll get to more posts later.
ascendotum Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) This has been my experience in college too, unfortunately. I would say I'm reasonably attractive and I have a couple of female friends who are very attractive (comfortable 9s). We're all outgoing and meet a lot of guys in many different places but we all really struggle to get dates. We find that men just don't ever seem to hit on us (except in nightclubs). If we do get hit on, the men invariably seem to just want sex. We really don't have very many options relationship-wise. There are lots of single and looking girls in college, believe me! beautiful women who are 9s, who ' really struggle to get dates' & 'men just don't ever seem to hit on us' & if they do they are only interested in just busting a nut with you...-> you should put your location down as The Twilight Zone. Edited April 9, 2012 by ascendotum 2
TheFinalWord Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) For some reason, I'm having a really hard time meeting single girls who actually want to date. I've met plenty of single girls who didn't want to date anybody. Either they were taking a break from men, just didn't want to date or whatever. Then for all intents and purposes those women were single, but unavailable. After spending a bunch of time chasing an unavailable woman, it's not something I want to do again. Rarely is this the case. If it was the right guy for them, they'd be available. You're telling me if Brad Pitt (insert their fav male celebrity) wanted to date them, they'd say "no I'm not dating right now" :lmao: The cruel reality is they don't want to date you. Not bashing, it's just the truth. You aren't offering enough to pull them out of that zone. Don't feel bad, not many men can (myself included!). My whole problem is that I'm not meeting available women. The girls who are open to dating, already have boyfriends. It's as if single girls who want to date don't exist. And as soon as a single girl decides she wants to date, she gets snatched up right away. And I'm not one to poach a girl from her BF. You're in college and can't meet available women? What is the size of the school? My college (i'm a PhD student) is massive and there are more girls than you could date in a life time (if that's what you're into). If the college is big enough there are enough social events going on to keep anyone occupied for years. You have to find things to get involved in. What are your hobbies? Don't worry about being short. How tall are you? Most women are short. As long as you're taller than them, you'll be fine. They talk about wanting a guy that is 6 foot this and that, but the % of men over 6 feet is small % in the population. Plus, half of the guys 6+ feet are lanky which pretty much cancels out the height advantage IMHO. Emphasize your strengths, reduce your weaknesses. Edited April 9, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Author somedude81 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 All these single girls you meet are open to dating, just not with you. Rarely is this the case. If it was the right guy for them, they'd be available. You're telling me if Brad Pitt (insert their fav male celebrity) wanted to date them, they'd say "no I'm not dating right now" :lmao: The cruel reality is they don't want to date you. Not bashing, it's just the truth. You aren't offering enough to pull them out of that zone. Don't feel bad, not many men can. Just want to address these points for now. The celebrity question isn't reality, it doesn't even need to be addressed further. Unless they were actually saving themselves for a celebrity level man, and knowing some of the girls, that wouldn't surprise me. All of the girls that have said this to me were single for as long as I knew them. And I'm talking six months to a year at least. Two of the girls told me that they don't want to date anybody at all before I expressed any interest in them. I highly doubt they were giving me some kind of preemptive rejection and using, not wanting to date anybody as their excuse. It's more than just, not wanting to date me.
ScreamingTrees Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Yes! Just flirt. Get practice until it feels natural. Flirt with young and old, pretty and not pretty, married and single. No! Not cold approach. Flirt with these women, and build rapport over 3-5 visits. Mention how those apples she recommended really worked out for you. Whatever! Just talk, flirt, and ask out after a few conversations. Sound in theory, but I never meet any of these girls again when out and about. Sure, it can be good for harmless flirting, but harmless flirting never got me a number. It just gave me an arguable temporary ego boost, which is not ideal.
TheFinalWord Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Just want to address these points for now. The celebrity question isn't reality, it doesn't even need to be addressed further. Unless they were actually saving themselves for a celebrity level man, and knowing some of the girls, that wouldn't surprise me. All of the girls that have said this to me were single for as long as I knew them. And I'm talking six months to a year at least. Two of the girls told me that they don't want to date anybody at all before I expressed any interest in them. I highly doubt they were giving me some kind of preemptive rejection and using, not wanting to date anybody as their excuse. It's more than just, not wanting to date me. Well you're entitled to your opinion. I'm not saying it's anything you are not doing right. I know several girls that have said that to me. They don't want anything serious, just to have fun. Whatever that means...dating is supposed to be fun! Oh, lots of girls do give the preemptive rejection haha Women have LOTS of experience getting hit on by men. They can pick up a vibe pretty quick, especially if they know they are attractive. A lot of them assume most men are interested in them and put it out right off the bat to make you think just what you are thinking now, "she's not rejecting me b/c I haven't asked her out yet". Not saying it's always the case, but a lot of times it is. The statements you are making right now is exactly what most nice women try to do: let you down without having to hurt your feelings. In this case they have you actually defending their rejection of you. Women are much more clever than men when it comes to issues of the heart my friend. Don't underestimate them lol At any rate, whether you want to accept it's you or not, at least you're not wasting time with those girls. What are your hobbies?
Teknoe Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Don't worry about being short. How tall are you? Most women are short. As long as you're taller than them, you'll be fine. SD and I are the same height... 5'6" Although, I'm not sure if he's 5'6" barefoot, or 5'6" in shoes. I'm 5'6" barefoot, and with shoes I gain about an inch to become 5'7" 5'6" to 5'7" is not tall, but it's not short short either. Confidence/self-assurance is a better quality to have than height. Between a 6'1" guy with no confidence and a 5'6" dude with solid confidence, facial quality being equal, I'd place my odds on the 5'6" guy because confidence and how a man carries himself is more important than how tall he is.
GetTheClou Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 This has been my experience in college too, unfortunately. I would say I'm reasonably attractive and I have a couple of female friends who are very attractive (comfortable 9s). We're all outgoing and meet a lot of guys in many different places but we all really struggle to get dates. We find that men just don't ever seem to hit on us (except in nightclubs). If we do get hit on, the men invariably seem to just want sex. We really don't have very many options relationship-wise. There are lots of single and looking girls in college, believe me! this is true (I really don't like this "classification" stuff though). Way above average people, especially when looks combined with high degree of intelligence and career orientation have a hard time of establishing good relationships. Reality is, most people dating are average, try to get a little above average, but not too "high" and please not average or even below average. The only advantage women typically have is their vagina leading to the false assumption they can get way above their own status and get happy. So, above average male/female alike get bombarded with interest from the other gender and can easily pick anyone they want on their terms (best group to be in btw). Everyone else have a hard time and perceives this as "unavailable" or "there is no match for me at all". Of course there ARE exceptions, in rare cases.
PlumPrincess Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Eh, that's all cold approaching, trying to hit on random girls. Many women on this forum have said that it just doesn't work. Do it for practice. If you have the guts to do cold approaching, even when you don't have a lot of success with it, any other approach with familiar girls will be a piece of cake. The nervousness you feel with a girl you already know will pale in comparison with the outbreaks of sweat you had when talking to girls you don't know. 3
xxoo Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 How the heck can you build rapport and see somebody 3-5 times when you meet them clothes shopping and in the market? Those are the once in a life time meetings. I'd be better off going for the waitress at the diner I went to last week. BTW, I need to go there again Oh for goodness sakes, yes, the waitress at the diner, then!
zengirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 It is probably true, FTR, that the girls who say they don't want to date just don't want to date you or most of the other men available to them. They'd probably date the right guy. Girls with issues like mine are extremely rare. Hell the only one I know of is verhrzn. Most girls that would have dating issues, would be far below average and then that doesn't actually prevent women from dating. I don't think they're any more rare than guys like you (who are actually extremely rare as well). Perhaps on message boards like this, because they have plenty of outlets to talk about relationships and are sick of it already. Women like you tend to go a "different direction" usually. Whereas men like you have a tendency to develop anger or lash out, women tend to fold inwards with such failure. Would I actually have a chance with OLD. I'm short, 30 years old, still in college and want a girl younger than me. With OLD all that stuff is presented right out there in the open. With meeting girls IRL, they're able to get to know me a bit first before they are hit with everything. Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn't. If you want a college-aged girl, it's going to be the same problems. You'd do better with women closer to your age, I'd imagine. If the only reason you care about age is being judged for your inexperience, I really do suggest widening your age range. It's not as though you've done far better IRL, so "getting to know you a bit first" hasn't worked out yet, has it? I don't get why you wouldn't try every available outlet if this was truly important to you. What kind of stuff would girls in my preferred age range be into? My whole point was college-aged girls (not necessarily just the ones in college, frankly) are the ones least likely to date someone like you. If they go older, they generally want more experience and more settled. As to what girls do, V had a good list: Volunteering, book clubs, museum get-togethers, etc. I also think a lot of women join outdoors clubs around here, but so do a fair amount of men. Those seem to be 50/50. Women are more active on meetup in general, so a lot of those for your age range would work. You're not going to find many people under 22 on Meetup, but plenty in their mid 20s.
ascendotum Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Oh, lots of girls do give the preemptive rejection haha Women have LOTS of experience getting hit on by men. They can pick up a vibe pretty quick, especially if they know they are attractive. A lot of them assume most men are interested in them and put it out right off the bat to make you think just what you are thinking now, "she's not rejecting me b/c I haven't asked her out yet". Not saying it's always the case, but a lot of times it is. The statements you are making right now is exactly what most nice women try to do: let you down without having to hurt your feelings. In this case they have you actually defending their rejection of you. Women are much more clever than men when it comes to issues of the heart my friend. Don't underestimate them lol I totally agree with you on this FTR, just from knowing how my sisters & their friends operated plus other female friends hosing down the expectations of guys they had zero attraction for, that they quickly picked up these guys were keen on them. Its preemptive rejection, framed as to not seem like a rejection. I've had it and as have some of my friends, and you do get clued on it for what it is when you see the girl a short time span later all gaga over some better looking guy. If the woman mops around & remains single for the year, its probably more likely she is genuine, though its still somewhat of a rejection. Its odds on when she snaps out of her funk that she wont be falling in love with one of her male friends waiting in the wings.
counterman Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Do it for practice. If you have the guts to do cold approaching, even when you don't have a lot of success with it, any other approach with familiar girls will be a piece of cake. The nervousness you feel with a girl you already know will pale in comparison with the outbreaks of sweat you had when talking to girls you don't know. I second this. It really does with the nerves and improves your conversation. The thing is, where a lot of guys fail is they go in expecting it'll 'work' and when it doesn't, they get really bitter. Nothing is guaranteed to 'work'. Talk to a bunch of girls and have fun conversations with them. After I did that, honestly, everything else seemed pretty easy, especially talking to girls I already knew. In fact, knowing the fact that if I see a girl I find attractive, I can approach her without a second though gives me massive confidence, compared to when I would get all worked up and nervous inside, which turned to disappointment and regret whenever I knew I didn't even try to say hi. We can all improve in this area, in fact, I'm working on flirting with random girls and I'm getting better as well One more thing approaching girls has helped me with is to get over any one girl... I use to get hung up on the one girl I did approach and rejected me or the one girl who I didn't approach. Now, it's whatever. I agree with what the others are saying. If a girl says that she doesn't want to date, she probably doesn't want to date you and is trying to let you down. Has happened to me a few times and next thing you know she's in a relationship. Oh well. As others have said, you can meet other girls at book clubs, volunteering, gym, museums, library, coffee places, etc. 2
zengirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I second this. It really does with the nerves and improves your conversation. The thing is, where a lot of guys fail is they go in expecting it'll 'work' and when it doesn't, they get really bitter. Nothing is guaranteed to 'work'. Talk to a bunch of girls and have fun conversations with them. After I did that, honestly, everything else seemed pretty easy, especially talking to girls I already knew. In fact, knowing the fact that if I see a girl I find attractive, I can approach her without a second though gives me massive confidence, compared to when I would get all worked up and nervous inside, which turned to disappointment and regret whenever I knew I didn't even try to say hi. This is a really good point. Especially the bolded. I have also found, in life, that when I built up my confidence and assertiveness in specific areas, I had more success overall in those areas over time. Good feelings about yourself lead to better results (in everything, not just dating) and beget more good feelings. The same with bad and bad. Making the goal just "going up and talking to her" instead of "getting a date with her" is key to being happy with yourself and getting better at putting yourself out there. The goal should be something within your control, so it can build self-esteem when you achieve it. Other people's reactions are NEVER within your control. Accepting that is truly half the battle to life, IME. 2
EasyHeart Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 As to what girls do, V had a good list: Volunteering, book clubs, museum get-togethers, etc. I'll second the volunteering thing. I've always done a lot of volunteer work, but it was usually one-on-one kind of stuff where you don't meet anyone. When I was in my early thirties, one my friends asked me if I would help out his wife, who was president of the local Jaycees chapter and had a problem. I'd never really heard of the group before, but it turned out they had 500 members and did all sorts of great community projects. I helped them with the problem and they invited me to one of their monthly meetings (which are really just a big party). It was the first time I was actually swarmed by women! I'm not exaggerating: it was about 75% women, most of whom were looking for men. I started going to meetings and working on projects, and every time I went there were at least 4 or 5 women flirting with me, inviting me to parties, asking me out or (my favorite part) baking me cookies! It was completely awesome!!!
oaks Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Either they were taking a break from men, just didn't want to date or whatever. I wonder if any of them really meant "I don't want to date you but I'm going to indicate that I'm unavailable in a different way to avoid having to personally reject you."
ascendotum Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I'll second the volunteering thing. ..... It was the first time I was actually swarmed by women! I'm not exaggerating: it was about 75% women, most of whom were looking for men. I started going to meetings and working on projects, and every time I went there were at least 4 or 5 women flirting with me, inviting me to parties, asking me out or (my favorite part) baking me cookies! It was completely awesome!!! Sounds pretty good scenario EH. I really think SD has to expand his activities to meet someone, though I think he has better chance with women in their early to mid 20s given he is studying FT, as opposed to women in their 30s. ^ Were these regular, avg to above avg, early 30s or younger women at these JC events? When you mention them baking cookies, I just don't know any sassy single women who bake cookies. I think SD already goes to dancing lessons but found practically all the women were already in relationships. I have done art classes, and found it similar story there, with only the older divorcees being single. Good for options if that's your target market. I still think he needs to increase his activites to allow more encounters with women, but I think his better bet is to join a few activity clubs at his university.
EasyHeart Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 People make up all sorts of little white lies to avoid hurting other peoples' feelings. If they're strangers, I don't have any problems with that because we don't really owe anything to strangers. I've said all sorts of things to women who express interest in dating me, but I'm not interested in them. Usually it's "I have a girlfriend" or (if I'm feeling mischievous) "I'm gay". It seems nicer than saying, "Ewww, yuck! You're fat!!!"
KR10N Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 For some reason, I'm having a really hard time meeting single girls who actually want to date. I've met plenty of single girls who didn't want to date anybody. Either they were taking a break from men, just didn't want to date or whatever. Then for all intents and purposes those women were single, but unavailable. After spending a bunch of time chasing an unavailable woman, it's not something I want to do again.There's nothing wrong w/ wanting to be single. Believe it or not, some people actually like solitude. It's not like we're anti-social or anything. My whole problem is that I'm not meeting available women. The girls who are open to dating, already have boyfriends. It's as if single girls who want to date don't exist. And as soon as a single girl decides she wants to date, she gets snatched up right away. And I'm not one to poach a girl from her BF.Redundancy. Anyway, really doubt this happens that often. At least I've never seen it & it's never happened to me. But it's not like I've advertised either. Right now it seems that women who are single and want to date are grossly out numbered by the guys who are looking."I was looking for love in all the wrong places Looking for love in too many faces Searching your eyes, looking for traces"... You get the idea. I'm not really sure what to do.Become a gigolo.
EasyHeart Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Were these regular, avg to above avg, early 30s or younger women at these JC events? When you mention them baking cookies, I just don't know any sassy single women who bake cookies. I think SD already goes to dancing lessons but found practically all the women were already in relationships. I have done art classes, and found it similar story there, with only the older divorcees being single. Good for options if that's your target market. I still think he needs to increase his activites to allow more encounters with women, but I think his better bet is to join a few activity clubs at his university.In my particular case, they were mostly late 20s/early 30s, some married but plenty were single. College grads/professionals. Lots of teachers, accountants, lawyers, businesswomen. And nice. Not passive-aggressive-insecure "nice", but girl-next-door-who-will-bake-you-cookies "nice". Lots of married couples came out of that group. That was the case for that particular organization. I'm sure most cities will have similar groups. The trick is finding them!
verhrzn Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 So, for a slight switch, where are all the single men? I ask because, those are the places SD can avoid, and I can go to, because I am having 0.00% luck currently.
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