medasist Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I recently went on a first date with a guy i've been interested in for awhile now, we had a great time. But throughout the date he kept bringing up his ex, and stuff that had to do with her. They broke up over a year ago, and I got really annoyed with it. I know some people like to put that stuff out there but damn he did it a lot. All his talking about it got me thinking he must not be over her. I would really like to keep seeing him, we have a lot of fun together but if that keeps happening, what should I do?!
january2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Ask him. Tell him that you noticed that he talks about his ex alot, but while you understand he's got a past, it's a little off-putting because it makes you wonder if he's free to really focus on dating you.
darkmoon Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 he must stop upsetting you, and say sorry, i for one, feel genuinely sorry for you, he's sounds mean to not make this slight change doesn't care if you are happy or sad - red flag, he's not boyf material
Author medasist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 It obviously upset me, but we've only been on that one date so far and that was really the only time he ever talked about her. We text and talk on the phone a lot and other then me asking why him and her broke it off a few weeks back, that was the only time he ever brought her up. It really did seem like it was in excess though, I could understand if he was just trying to make conversation but I didn't really have anything to say about it lol
january2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 that was the only time he ever brought her up If he's not doing it on a regular basis, every date/conversation, then I wouldn't worry about it, to be honest. Not really a problem at this stage.
BlazeOfGloryy777 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 thats terrible im a guy and i would never do that to a girl and i wouldnt want a girl talking about her ex in front of me a year after they "broke up" its sketchy honestly but it doesnt mean he doesnt care about you.
Author medasist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 I would really like to bring it up to him, but not sure if I should wait till he brings her up again or not.
amantis Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 come on ... why is he weird and mean ? When i meet someone i tell her everything about me , and some of my past Theres a point when SHE is the one asking about his girlfriend for sure . The way i see is , we start as friends , we talk about each other , after i know her we start dating Just listen to him , maybe he feels like he can talk to you because he likes you
Author medasist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 come on ... why is he weird and mean ? When i meet someone i tell her everything about me , and some of my past Theres a point when SHE is the one asking about his girlfriend for sure . The way i see is , we start as friends , we talk about each other , after i know her we start dating Just listen to him , maybe he feels like he can talk to you because he likes you That's a really good way to think about it. Maybe I am over reacting about it cause I don't talk about my ex's? It's still a little weird to me, but I'm think I'm willing to give him another chance cause I like him.
amantis Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Give him another chance , and if he keeps talking about her , tell him that you dont like . Im divorced so when i meet someone i tell them that , they are the ones who ask me the questions about the divorce but then they like to talk about their exes .. and then at the end they say , thanks for listening , i feel good that i can talk to you about everything .
veggirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 What a turn-off. Talking about exes too soon is such a bad idea, honestly other than vague info I don't think details about exes (assuming no divorces or kids) are EVER needed. Ask him. Tell him that you noticed that he talks about his ex alot, but while you understand he's got a past, it's a little off-putting because it makes you wonder if he's free to really focus on dating you. This is a perfect response.
amantis Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I never in my life dated a girl where she didnt asked me questions about my exes. .. im not saying that you have to talk about that on the first date , but still . I hate talking about exes when im really dating someone.
FitChick Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I like hearing about someone's ex because it gives me insight into how he thinks, what he likes or doesn't like in a relationship and how he might treat me. I don't have a problem talking about an ex because I have nothing to hide and it's over. 1
amantis Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 True , i think is very weird when i ask something about the exes and they tell me : - I dont like to talk about my ex ... ????
veggirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I don't go into details about exes because it's not relevant. They can judge my character by my interactions with them, friends, etc. I give overviews, sure, but current BF has never asked details and I've never asked him. Different strokes, it works for me.
setsenia Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I know about this all too well because my dad has talked nonstop about my mom (his exW) for the past 18 years that they have been divorced. Needless to say, all of the women he has dated could not stand it!
rocketman122 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) my gf knows about a specific ex I had and it pisses her off/ makes her jealous. she knows how hard the breakup was for me. she's very curious about her and why it was so hard for me to get over her. also because she's older. im 40, my gf is 43, ex is 51 (and SMOKIN!) what pisses me off is her talking about her ex saying "he was the best **** I ever had" and I dont want to hear that as a guy. when I asked where did you guys go out so I have an indication of what she likes and you can see her light up like she was right there with him saying "me and X, we didnt go out, we used to **** all day" how does that make me feel? she asked to see a picture of her and I showed her pics of us naked and that really pissed her off. because she isnt as fit or as tall as the ex and she's jealous im able to catch an older woman. im not happy about it but I had to sting her to stop her from talking about him. been doing BB for years and im tall and very good looking(modesty is always good HAHA) so maybe it was a tactic because she feels insecure. ive seen all her ex's and they were all ugly short and out of shape. I can admit I too have some insecurities myself. this was a few months back, now things are better between us. last night I had dream after dream of my ex. I dont think I can write what I did to her sexually. not good though. I dont know what to do. Edited April 9, 2012 by rocketman122
g450 Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I did this very thing early on when I started dating. Yes it's off putting and annoying and I realized this quickly after one of my dates was brutally honest with me about it. She said, you are not over your ex. Cya! She was right up to a point. I also had a date where we were both divorced, both got cheated on and we talked for hours. It was like we were a two person support group. But I would still give the guy a chance for a very simple reason. He may be like me and many other divorced guys that have nothing in our history to relate too except our XW. I did NOT know how to date. I only knew what I learned from my marriage and from my divorce. So I had no history of dating since my whole life was about my XW and my Son. See where I am giong with this? Give him a chance to unplug from this. Yes you may very well be his rebound but even rebound relationships can turn into something good and lasting. One thing I can say is that us ex married guys like being married. We tend to be stable and faithful. And we bring to the table years of wisdom and most importantly of all we now know what we did wrong in the last marriage. This can actually be a good thing. But it's really up to you. I think eventually he will get it just like I did, after he scares most of his dates away and they never call him back LOL. It's part of the process of becoming single again after being married for so long.
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