rogerwaters Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Hi Friends, I have a problem that I hoped some of you could help me out with. I am in love with this girl since the last 10 years. We both come from a conservative family in India, so the conventional dating rules don’t apply well in our context. I made it known to her that I liked her when she didn’t even have a chance to know me. After that I tried to initiate contact by IM. And we would chat for a few minutes every day. I thought she was beginning to know me and I blew it again by telling her I liked her. She said “she wasn’t interested in a relationship” and smiled. She had a lot going on her mind at that time and I know it wasn’t the right time and place to ask her, but I regrettably did that. I asked her if we could stay as friends and continued. After that, both of us came to the U.S for further education. We exchanged phone numbers and we started talking over the phone. The frequency increased and we talked about everything like friends, family, personal lives, studies etc. I noticed that she remembered small details about me from our school times which I saw as an indicator of interest (IOI). She would playfully tease me by calling names and even compliment me on my smartness. We met once last year for a hangout when I was visiting the place where she lived. It turned out pretty well and after that our frequency of conversation over the phone increased to about once every week. I wasn’t the only one trying to maintain contact. She would call me as often as I did. We even chatted up on skype frequently. Then I learned that she was going on a vacation with her friends and I basically invited myself. She immediately agreed and helped me arrange the tickets and seemed to be very enthusiastic about the whole trip. But during the trip, she gave me the cold shoulder. She wouldn’t talk, laugh or even answer some of my simplest questions. I thought there was something bothering her, so I asked, but she wouldn’t reply. Her friends were immature morons who would constantly tease both of us and her in particular saying that she has the hots for me. I ignored them completely, but was devastated to see why she would do that to me after being so friendly in the first place. After the trip was over, I did not contact her for a week and then she called me up and I swear that I could figure out from the tone of her voice that she was feeling guilty about what she did. So I asked her what went wrong and again, she said nothing was wrong. She in fact said that there was nothing that she had done wrong. She again started to be in contact and for a while I was in a state of total shock as to what is she trying to achieve here. We are still in contact, but I cannot decide if (a) she likes me only as a friend (b) she likes me but is playing hard to get © she is using me to get attention. All this while, there have been many IOIs like flirting, noticing small details about me, remembering my important days and so on. I know I’m desperately infatuated by her and believe me I’ve tried to change, but can’t get over her. I just want to know where is this heading. Both of us are generally shy people with no experience in prior relationships and little experience in dealing with the opposite sex. I’m sorry for the length of this question, but would really appreciate any feedback that you could give.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Both of us are generally shy people with no experience in prior relationships and little experience in dealing with the opposite sex. I’m sorry for the length of this question, but would really appreciate any feedback that you could give. I think that sums it up right there. Had it been a long time since she had seen you? At the very least, she hadn't seen you since the two of you began talking on a regular basis? My guess is that she got nervous and froze up in your presence.
Author rogerwaters Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I thought so too. But the trip lasted around 5 days. She was cold to me during the entire trip, and only to me. It was as if she was trying to portray to her friends that she didn't even know me. It was weird coz when I invited myself, she gleefully agreed and sounded really enthusiastic about the whole thing. And then she went cold, all of a sudden. She knew very well that I have strong feelings for her, but was it right on her part to play with those feelings? I mean, if she was not interested, she could have just said so and I could have moved on. I've really been depressed for the last four months just trying to figure out what the hell happened. I know it is lame, but I can't help thinking about it.
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