eleanorhurting Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Did you pay any attention at all to the poster who talked about getting help for your Borderline Personality Disorder?
Professor X Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Did you pay any attention at all to the poster who talked about getting help for your Borderline Personality Disorder? Don't you know how it is? She's already back with him and she won't work on herself 1 bit, will just keep coming here for our weekly entertainment. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Did you pay any attention at all to the poster who talked about getting help for your Borderline Personality Disorder? I really don't have time for therapy.
xxoo Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I really don't have time for therapy. If you have time to put into a relationship, you have time for therapy. 3
SmileFace Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 So you are back with him? I wasn't to sure that is what your last message said but since profx mentioned it I guess that is what you meant .
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Why wouldn't you be good enough paper? And why would you not take your own needs into account? You want more frequent contact, you asked for it, it isn't happening. I don't have an opinion about this relationship being good or bad for you (surely it's more complex than that). It does sound to me, however, like this guy is showing you he's not ready to compromise for a relationship. Paper, you've never had problems getting dates. I don't really understand why you're so attached to this guy. Why? I asked him kamille. Everytime I break it off we end up talking again and its him pleading with me telling me how nuch he wants to make this work yet when I try to make plans with him he gives me passive aggressive answers like I don't know. Ifhe was seeing another girl I'll kick him to the curb but the thing I'm contending with is his job.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 So you are back with him? I wasn't to sure that is what your last message said but since profx mentioned it I guess that is what you meant . No I'm not back with him... we're in limbo. I cant be with someone who can't even make definitive plans to see me. 1
eleanorhurting Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 how can you have time to date but not have time for therapy? When i used to go regularly i would go once a week. i think it would be really helpful for you. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 how can you have time to date but not have time for therapy? When i used to go regularly i would go once a week. i think it would be really helpful for you. Because dating can after work.. I work really long hours its hard for me to keep appointments.
xxoo Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Because dating can after work.. I work really long hours its hard for me to keep appointments. You really need to get your BPD addressed. If the question is "what do I do?", that's the best answer.
veggirl Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I asked him kamille. Everytime I break it off we end up talking again and its him pleading with me telling me how nuch he wants to make this work yet when I try to make plans with him he gives me passive aggressive answers like I don't know. Ifhe was seeing another girl I'll kick him to the curb but the thing I'm contending with is his job. Why don't you NOT ANSWER when he calls? Paper, please...honestly, do you think this drama and back and forth is the beginning of the greatest love of your life? Why do you crave drama so much? Why are you so desperate just to have someone, anyone? Have you EVER heard of anyone who had this much drama early on ending up in a successful R with the other party? No I'm not back with him... we're in limbo. I cant be with someone who can't even make definitive plans to see me. Were you guys ever NOT in limbo? Was he ever officially your BF? When is the last time you all went on a date? If you say you can't be with someone who can't make definitive plans, and he's shown you over and over and OVER that he can't do that, why are you with him? You may not officially be with him, but clearly you are "with" him...WHY? You're going to regret and be embarrassed by all of this someday...
eleanorhurting Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 She referred to him as her boyfriend in one of my threads
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 We were together the weekend before easter and then Easter Sunday he had to be with family and on my days off he had work. Its dramatic because I get anxious and everytime I get angry I take it out on him.
veggirl Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 She referred to him as her boyfriend in one of my threads oh gosh. We were together the weekend before easter and then Easter Sunday he had to be with family and on my days off he had work. Its dramatic because I get anxious and everytime I get angry I take it out on him. well, you didn't answer any of my questions, but that's your MO I'm realizing...not to answer the questions most people ask...anywho...so if you have that PERSONAL issue, do you think it's in your best interest to date or friggin work out that issue? hot damn. He must have as many issues as you if he's coming back to this...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 oh gosh. well, you didn't answer any of my questions, but that's your MO I'm realizing...not to answer the questions most people ask...anywho...so if you have that PERSONAL issue, do you think it's in your best interest to date or friggin work out that issue? hot damn. He must have as many issues as you if he's coming back to this... Its really hard to write on my phone... but to try to answer you he doesn't know I have bpd.and second, i m not at that stage where I wantg to disclose my issues with him. He knows I'm capable of extremes he's called me out on it more than once. The thing I'm most frustrated about is him not being able to make plans with me. H used to be busy because he had two jobs. Recently he ended his second one and he hadpromised me we'd be spending more time together. Unfortunately he decided to put in more time for his second job that he has decided to live in the city. I canjt see him because I work in long island most of the week and his schedulechanges weekly so much so heworking more hours than before. Not only that he's been commuting back and forth everyday and its gotten to tghe point where I don't kno where he is. Sometimes when I contact him I get his voicemail and even when I text him he takes hours to reply.if I'm not seeing him I would expect that at least we keep in contact daily but its been so hard. gotten to the pon I have no idea where he is. I can't even contact him any
Star Gazer Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I really don't have time for therapy. If you have time to "go out" and "date" and post on LS, you have time for therapy. It's an hour a week. Stop making excuses.
eleanorhurting Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 oh my God you are like a machine that just fires away answers without even processing what anyone is saying. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 oh my God you are like a machine that just fires away answers without even processing what anyone is saying. I really really hate therapy. I hate cbt. I've been through 6 therapists in 6 years. Also I notice I don't have tgese problems in real life just in interpersonal relationship
veggirl Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 er yeah I wasn't asking why you don't tell him your problems, I was asking why you ignore the questions people ask in your threads. I understand you're posting from your phone though, it could be hard to copy/paste/quote or whatever. and I agree with Star...an hour a week...surely you have days off....
eleanorhurting Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I really really hate therapy. I hate cbt. I've been through 6 therapists in 6 years. Also I notice I don't have tgese problems in real life just in interpersonal relationship and your interpersonal relationships are not your real life??? The hating therapy and having changed therapists 6 times is very BPD. As soon as you face your problems you will be able to go through these kinds of situations without so much drama. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 i m not at that stage where I wantg to disclose my issues with him. Do you realize how out of sync this is? You evidently ARE at the stage where it's okay for you to lash out at him, to have many expectations that have not been built between you at all, to fight , but not to "disclose issues"? I have a question I would like you to answer: Why are you posting about this here? What are you hoping for from us? I don't expect anyone to agree with or take any of the advice they receive on LoveShack, but you mostly act as if it wasn't even given.
Kamille Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) I asked him kamille. Everytime I break it off we end up talking again and its him pleading with me telling me how nuch he wants to make this work yet when I try to make plans with him he gives me passive aggressive answers like I don't know. Ifhe was seeing another girl I'll kick him to the curb but the thing I'm contending with is his job. Whatever the reason, your needs are not being met. That doesn't make it a bad guy. It just makes him not the right guy for you. But you didn't answer my first question. You said you wondered if you were good enough for him. I asked why you might feel that way. I asked because this seems central to me. If you don't feel good enough for him, you're more likely to question your own boundaries with this guy. (which you seem to be doing). You're also more likely not to assert them in a positive way, but rather to beg for them to be recognized. It was perhaps an innocent comment, but it seems important that you challenge these thoughts of unworthiness. Edited April 12, 2012 by Kamille
Leigh 87 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Myself, and pretty much everyone on this websites would beg you to get some therapy, even a little, once every month..... and to sort out yourself, before you enter a relationship. Have fun if you can, FWB if u can divide between sex and emotions.... but please, you KNOW you need to refrain from meaningul relationships before you sort yourself out. I myself, have personal issues I need to address, in order for ME to succeed in a long term relationship. However, I happened to meet my boyfriend in the midst of me sorting out my personal issues... It seams I know the right way to go about things enough, to be able to be with HIM, while I overcome my issues, though. We do nto fight constantly, are fairly stable, and are happy mostly, aside from my odd personal issue that comes up rarely, and will soon fade altogether. I have a lot wrong with me, I had an very unhappy past, and I found even a little therapy with the right person to help me. Just to talk about thigns, and keep my issues in check. You need a guy, one day, who will be with you in a loving relationship: a guy who adores you and loves being around you and is proud to call you HIS girlfriend: a guy who does not fight with you incessantly. I am trying to sort my issues out with my partner with me, because we love each other far too deaply to be apart, and we know we will end up together if we spent time apart, so see no point. It was a hell of a ride for him, though, and I actually do not reccommend guys staying with a girl with issues; rather, it is far better to give space.. If you truly love each other, you will not want other people. U will want to wait for her. U will still talk to her over the phone, and just wish her luck until she is ready for you. .. That is my story, of having many issues, and being in a relationship. It DOES NOT WORK, and IS NOT HEALTHY in most cases. I had an exceptional guy, who actually wanted to help me. However, it is NOT something I reccommend to you. .... Honestly, what are you doing? Come on... REally? Does the fact the guy can be " great" with you for a while, mean you will suddenly " change", and all of a sudden, feel a sense of calm and stability with this guy? That he will want you as his girlfriend, who he wants to progress with? He does not want to progress with your feelings, he actually said this..... Where as, YOU cannot be happy with a guy, who does nto want to continue to get closer and closer to you.. ....................................................................................... Heck.. Even if you DID find the right guy, who did want to get as close as possible to you, and who WAS stable and only wished to be stable and happy with you.. YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO. Your not well, enough emotionally, to be in a relationship. I KNOW I sound like a hypocrite; my boyfriend and I have nto always sailed smoothly, and I have had my share of issues, and still do. However, we grew to love each other and wanted to be together, to the point where we wanted to keep moving forward, as we could see potential, and wanted a future together. He was a rarity, I admit; a guy who wanted to stick around long enough to see a person fix themselves, enough to be happy in a relationship. Honestly, good luck. You sound like you desp[erately want to be happy with a guy and have a lot of love to give! A guy will be lukcy to find you one day.
AlexDP Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I really don't have time for therapy. Then make time. And stop hurting people.
zengirl Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I really really hate therapy. I hate cbt. I've been through 6 therapists in 6 years. Also I notice I don't have tgese problems in real life just in interpersonal relationship Interpersonal relationships ARE real life. 1
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