a1racy Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Hello all, I'm new to this community, so be patient please! I caught my wife of eight years chatting and sending salacious photos of herself on Facebook to various men. When I confronted her about it, and one in particular that she had been sending love notes to, she said she loved him and no longer loved me. I tried to chalk it up to her being young and foolish, she being ten years my junior, but three days later she was acting suspiciously again and hiding her cell phone. I checked the call logs online and found she had been texting love notes and sending more nude photos. I told her I would work on our marriage with her or she could go live with her mother--she chose her mother. She says she doesn't love me anymore and she wants to be single, so I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. When I told her I had a lawyer, and that she would do well to do the same, she suddenly became ashen faced. She is not legal in this country and is awaiting immigration residency papers. We have $7000.00 in back taxes that I have been paying that now she will owe half. Also, she works under the table at a perfume factory under an assumed name and has not paid income taxes for five years. So she made me a proposition, we move into a smaller home closer to her parents and remain married--in name only--until her tax and immigration problems are resolved, which will take approximately 5-8 years. In the meantime she wants to continue her relation with OM--a 28 yo engineering student who lives in mexico with his grandmother--and maintain her freedom. She says we should do it for our son so he can have both parents. But, honestly, I see no upside for me. This may be an opportunity to have her fall in love with me again, but I doubt that will happen. When I asked her yesterday if this man is worth throwing away 8 years of marriage--she said yes! Everyone is telling me I'm a fool for even considering her offer--that she will just use me and that I'm wasting time I could be spending finding someone else. I'm 45 and if I waste my time on her, I may never get the opportunity to find love again. I'm torn because I love her so very much, and would do almost anything to have her love me again. What to do?
Woggle Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Whatever she deals with after the divorce is her problem. You don't owe her jack. In fact if you grow some balls she might actually respect you.
darkmoon Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) tell her she's lucky you haven't reported her for her crimes, many betrayed ppl do - and yes, you owe her zilch, you are good man treated her right which will be a fine CV feature in love city, you took her under your wing she is replacable many horror stories of bad husbands here on LS back up what i say Edited April 8, 2012 by darkmoon
Author a1racy Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 She keeps texting me that "maybe" in future she'll feel something for me if we go forward with her plan, but she wants to "feel single" again. She keeps sending me cutsie texts and then blaming me for not seeing that she was unhappy. She's driving me nuts!!
Woggle Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 She keeps texting me that "maybe" in future she'll feel something for me if we go forward with her plan, but she wants to "feel single" again. She keeps sending me cutsie texts and then blaming me for not seeing that she was unhappy. She's driving me nuts!! If you believe that I am selling the moon and offering you a good price.
Steen719 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Hello all, She says we should do it for our son so he can have both parents. But, honestly, I see no upside for me. Will your son go with her? I am assuming you are in the U.S. (?), but if he was born here, he is a resident. How far would she be from you if she has to go home and your son goes with her? IMHO, she does not sound as if she wants you; she wants what you can provide. I cannot imagine that you would remain married to give her the opportunity to be legal while she is with OM, who she says is who she wants. My concern would be for your son and I think I would see an attorney about that. Do her parents live in your country? What a mess you have...sorry.
Bryanp Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 She is totally playing you. There is absolutely no upside for you except that you will be 8 years older and divorced. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will. I am sorry to say this but she sounds like a player and was intent on using you for her immigration status. This is all too common. I would strongly suggest having a paternity test on your son just for your peace of mind. Again she does not respect you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck. 1
Recommended Posts