Cee Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I wish I could say I'm sorry about the break up. But I think it was clearly what you wanted for a while. I remember urging a break up around that debacle with the flood or was it a blackout. It seemed like a matter of time. But yeah, I can appreciate that it's going to hurt for a long while. Good luck in getting the money together and getting support from your loved ones. Remember to ask for help as it will help you become stronger. I was often too proud to ask for help, but when I did, my heart and hope swelled. 1
Author tigressA Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 Thanks, Cee. I appreciate it. One of my coworkers said she would help me move out once I find a place, and I made friends with another who is eye-ing a place for rent and is looking for prospective roommates. Update. The marriage stuff was a sham. He admitted none of it was true. He says if I want to date other guys, if I want to be single right now, to do what I have to do but he's going to get me back when he comes back. .........
veggirl Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Thanks, Cee. I appreciate it. One of my coworkers said she would help me move out once I find a place, and I made friends with another who is eye-ing a place for rent and is looking for prospective roommates. Update. The marriage stuff was a sham. He admitted none of it was true. He says if I want to date other guys, if I want to be single right now, to do what I have to do but he's going to get me back when he comes back. ......... Err...so...what now? Are you contemplating reconciling or are you gonna go through with the break up?
Author tigressA Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 I'm moving forward with the split. Still looking to move out. Let him try his...well, whatever he's going to try.
JohnnyCage Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 So when is your "crush at work" getting laid? 5
Babolat Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I am just tired. Sick and tired. Literally. This whole thing has stressed me out so much--I've lost weight, I'm eating maybe one meal a day, I'm getting chronic stomachaches, I don't sleep very well. I am living my life here, going to work, doing other things, but being in a relationship with someone who isn't here and having his return date totally, completely unknown is draining on me. I have not read past this reply...enough said in my opinion, you made the right decision if it's causing this much stress and anxiety for you. I have been there myself and there is no better feeling then making a decsion and moving on.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Is this the pot smoking guy? I thought you decided to leave him for good. Did I miss something? The OP is surprised that the "Pot Smoking Guy" is not on top of his game when it comes to meeting deadlines and submitting paperwork? Really? 2
dasein Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I don't see why OP is not being taken at her word that BF is dragging his feet in his paperwork? We all know immigration is a big, unwieldy bureaucratic process, I'm sure OP knows it. Why is her word that there is additional undue foot dragging by BF not being taken at face value in the thread generally? It would be a big deal for me in OP's shoes, especially with the prospect of arranged marriage dangled overhead together with certain cultural/religious stereotypes of parental bullying. BF should understand this, she seems to have told him how important this is to her, it's not unreasonable, he should take all possible measures to expedite his papers and to show OP plainly his efforts to do so. Otherwise he is being disrespectful and inconsiderate. 1
dispatch3d Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 lol I couldn't imagine getting shipped out of where I live, having to live elsewhere, be stuck in the quagmire of beurocratic hell that probably is getting a visa into the USA, then have my girlfriend tell me i'm an inconsiderate jerk.
kaylan Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 So when is your "crush at work" getting laid? trololol. Im sorry but this was spot on and funny. Do tell op. It makes me wonder...if you didnt have this crush that maybe the break up wouldnt have happened....Im just wondering.
Author tigressA Posted April 11, 2012 Author Posted April 11, 2012 trololol. Im sorry but this was spot on and funny. Do tell op. It makes me wonder...if you didnt have this crush that maybe the break up wouldnt have happened....Im just wondering. It was only a matter of time before I ended it...the crush wasn't relevant in the break-up. All I thought of when agonizing over the split was if I was doing the right thing, what will I do as far as moving out, etc. Now that that's over, he is relevant. As for when he's getting laid...believe me, I am working on determining that.
2sunny Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I admire you for breaking up. Proper order is key. But you owe it to him to be honest. You broke up because you have this school girl crush on the guy at work. That's never smart to date sooner at work. If it ends it affects your income, performance and environment. Besides - you have so much work to do on yourself. You need to learn how to be happy on your own. This desperately jumping from one guy to the next has never offered you the time to be happy on your own and learn what that looks like for you. That's evident by the fact that you couldn't even find a way to be happy for a month without a man. That's terribly unhealthy! You should NEVER need a man to validate you! Find out what it is you need from a man - and then make sure you get that from YOURSELF! A man shouldn't be with you because you are broken... That's unhealthy. You have so much work to do - please seek counseling. 1
2sunny Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 You posted this just 9 days ago. You said you don't have doubts... You state you're going to stay committed. Four months, potentially even longer, isn't what I would call a short period of separation...but then again I'm not well-versed in long-distance relationships. I don't have doubts about our relationship and I'm going to stick to this commitment, however frustrating it has been and may become. I had sort-of instigated the talk about taking a break--I was dancing around it and BF figured it out. We had just gotten past the pot issue and I was feeling unsure about us. He didn't want to take a break, but he would have if I had insisted on it. In the end after we discussed it we decided we would stay together while he is away. Then you suddenly get all selfish and self serving because you have this strong URGE to seek attention from some co worker. Finding empty validation won't help your self esteem. Be on your own without any man for a long stretch and learn about yourself and grow as a woman. Right now I see it as you acting like a spoiled brat. Your word means nothing. Quit contradicting yourself with the lies you tell yourself and us. Nothing you can say from here moving forward is believable. Work on that. It should help you. 3
dasein Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Then you suddenly get all selfish and self serving because you have this strong URGE to seek attention from some co worker. Is there any truth in the above OP? Be on your own without any man for a long stretch and learn about yourself and grow as a woman. Excellent advice for anyone.
JohnnyCage Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 ^^^ This is exactly what she has been doing since the beginning. @OP: Make sure the new guy will agree to let you move in with him since you "don't make enough money" and then make sure you nitpick at things that are stupid and try to control him. By the time he is fed up of you I am sure you can find another "crush"! In the end I will tell you how it was since the beginning. You were short of money and this guy was your savior. To the Indian guy all he was looking for was a lay before he got married to some girl his parents will choose for him and he got plenty of it. I don't see why either of you should complain. At one point you also mentioned he knew that you posted on this forum. Do you think he is stupid not to come here and read your threads and your opinion of his "high (pun intended)" character
zengirl Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I don't see why OP is not being taken at her word that BF is dragging his feet in his paperwork? We all know immigration is a big, unwieldy bureaucratic process, I'm sure OP knows it. Why is her word that there is additional undue foot dragging by BF not being taken at face value in the thread generally? Why? Personally. . . Because, as Kamille so eloquently says, Tigress (and her BF, actually) routinely thinks and assumes the worst of people she's dating. Additionally, Tigress herself said she "felt" that way because he was disorganized, BUT her BF has never sounded like a particularly organized, thorough person to me; he's always sounded a lot like he relied on others for that. And because Tigress has wanted to break up with him half a dozen times before this issue emerged. And I've found that 9 times out of 10 people are unprepared for visa issues. All but the most organized fail miserably at doing them as quickly as possible. A little big of lag time is nothing compared to what I've seen. It would be a big deal for me in OP's shoes, especially with the prospect of arranged marriage dangled overhead together with certain cultural/religious stereotypes of parental bullying. This is true. It's not just the stereotypes though -- even before the more recent exchanges, this seemed to be a hidden threat Tigress's BF purposefully bubbled below the surface. Because, like her, it gets scared and thinks the worst. This causes all kinds of toxicity, and this relationship would be a good one to end. I hope Tigress will follow through, for her own sake. Truly. BF should understand this, she seems to have told him how important this is to her, it's not unreasonable, he should take all possible measures to expedite his papers and to show OP plainly his efforts to do so. Otherwise he is being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Right, but she wants him to go back in time to take all measures possible. That's not possible. It sounds like at this point, he's in the queue and it may be out of his power. The "wait 4 weeks" thing was never a good idea anyway, as if this relationship was stable, Tigress would not feel the way she felt, etc, etc, and if the relationship is not stable, his return within 4 weeks will not solve the problems. I don't think it would serve Tigress well to look back on this R and think, "If only it weren't for the visa troubles, we could've made it work." There's a lot of evidence to the contrary is all.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 In the end I will tell you how it was since the beginning. You were short of money and this guy was your savior. To the Indian guy all he was looking for was a lay before he got married to some girl his parents will choose for him and he got plenty of it. I don't see why either of you should complain. At one point you also mentioned he knew that you posted on this forum. Do you think he is stupid not to come here and read your threads and your opinion of his "high (pun intended)" character Wow...is this all really true? The OP is one smart cookie
LexiB Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 It was only a matter of time before I ended it...the crush wasn't relevant in the break-up. All I thought of when agonizing over the split was if I was doing the right thing, what will I do as far as moving out, etc. Now that that's over, he is relevant. As for when he's getting laid...believe me, I am working on determining that. Will assume you're being facetious here. I hope you'd at least wait until you move out of the dude's apartment before anything happens... 1
veggirl Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Will assume you're being facetious here. I hope you'd at least wait until you move out of the dude's apartment before anything happens... Co-signed. Really, TA. You desperately need to be single.
Star Gazer Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Will assume you're being facetious here. I hope you'd at least wait until you move out of the dude's apartment before anything happens... She's not being facetious. She's posted the same thing in her thread about him as well as the OT thread. She's living off her "ex-BF" while trying to hookup with the coworker she's had a crush on.
kaylan Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 ^^^ This is exactly what she has been doing since the beginning. @OP: Make sure the new guy will agree to let you move in with him since you "don't make enough money" and then make sure you nitpick at things that are stupid and try to control him. By the time he is fed up of you I am sure you can find another "crush"! In the end I will tell you how it was since the beginning. You were short of money and this guy was your savior. To the Indian guy all he was looking for was a lay before he got married to some girl his parents will choose for him and he got plenty of it. I don't see why either of you should complain. At one point you also mentioned he knew that you posted on this forum. Do you think he is stupid not to come here and read your threads and your opinion of his "high (pun intended)" character Never, ever tell your partner where you put your personal thoughts if they have easy access to them. If he did know you posted here OP, then its possible you sabotaged the relationship. If he was on online marriage services before, I wouldnt be surprised if he checked out this forum to find anything you said about him. If he ever read anything, it would seriously influence his behavior. Will assume you're being facetious here. I hope you'd at least wait until you move out of the dude's apartment before anything happens... I agree. Dont disrespect your boyfriends home by bringing other men into it. Id lose all respect for a girl if she did that to me and my home. If you want to have fun with some guy, go to his place.
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 N I agree. Dont disrespect your boyfriends home by bringing other men into it. Id lose all respect for a girl if she did that to me and my home. If you want to have fun with some guy, go to his place. You know.. TA has every right to do what she is doing.. She is unhappy and they are on a break and have agreed to not see anybody. What is funny is to see people railing her.. sponging off him etc etc.. Get a grip.. If she cheated on him then came back here on LS and spilled the story every single poster that is railing on her now would have said to her "Why not break up with him if you are wanting to date someone else ?" Well... that is what she is in the process of doing... Some posters just crack me up... 3
LexiB Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I agree. Dont disrespect your boyfriends home by bringing other men into it. Id lose all respect for a girl if she did that to me and my home. If you want to have fun with some guy, go to his place. I wasn't even talking about bringing a new guy to the apartment. I think it would be unsavory point blank to hook up with someone new while still living in her ex's apartment. IF that's at all what she had in mind. 1
dasein Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 You know.. TA has every right to do what she is doing.. Is she living in his place on his dime? If not, agree with you. EDIT: no don't agree. But it seems people are claiming that OP is using the absence and the papers excuse to justify some GIGS with the office crush, which is different than whether it's ok to hook up with someone else while broken up. If the real motivation to break up is to get in some office fling with a clear conscience and then wait for BF to come back from India and swoop back into protector/provider role, that's really childish and highly likely to backfire.
EasyHeart Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Meh. If Tigressa wants a little rebound fling, so what? It's nothing to be proud of, but we've all done it.
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