Josalina Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 My finance has been texting other girls on a frequent occasion, usually when he is drunk. We went out for a night out, came home an he was on his phone in bed an I was having a shower and getting ready for bed, when I got into the bedroom, he was already sound asleep, he had had a lot to drink, however had 3 messages flashed up from 3 women, the curiosity got the better of me an I looked, he has a track record for texting women, they are not sex texts but certainly flirtatious, one text was to a girl saying " so apparently you owe me a massage?? ;)" she replied "O do I now?! how r u and y have u been missing from my life for so long!!? Xxx" As you can imagine the others were similar effect. I took pics on my phone shaking like some nutter just so I had proof and could refer back to the names and messages etc. I woke him, and said your phone keeps going off, he looked at it an said o bless her, as if it was one person, then deleted them an turned back over, I asked what it was an he was grumpy an said nothing, just him chatting to mates, however I have never heard of them?! It ended in him arguing with me saying he feels I control him and he packed his things and left. Whilst he was out with me that night he lost his wallet, a lady dropped it over to the house and said her husband found it, luckerly, so I text to let him know, he replied and said he would be back for it later and when he pulled up, he text asking for me to bring it down to him, I did and asked what was wrong with him? and y he was texting this amie asking for a massage, he this time claimed she was in beauty therapy, however I had 2 other stories the night before when drunk. I know it isnt true as I facebooked checked her an found out what she does, an coat entertainer, where we used to work. I didnt meantion this at the time as didnt feel the need to start another arguement, he said he just wanted to go, so I left him to leave and havent heard since, his family live 5 hours away and his job is down here where I am based so I am unsure where he is, what he is doing and y I am being punished and left for his actions?? I am sad, hurt, worried and angry with him. I have kept my cool though. What do you think of this?? I dont understand y he does it when he is engaged to me?! I understand noone is perfect but I would never do this to him. Thank you for your time.
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 he's not thanking you for yours, though, is he? you know what people are going to say to you, don't you? you know, my keyboard keys are nearly worn through, the advice is so repetitive... always the same keys... NO CONTACT. had to guess at those being the right keys, but I got there... read my signature link.... really, this just isn't worth responding to in any greater detail. He doesn't respect you, he's a liar, he's a lightweight and he's being a jerk. honey - you've dodged the proverbial bullet. don't try to second-guess the why, wherefore with who and when... just concentrate on getting past this. 2
Author Josalina Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Thank you for your reply Tara, I am prepared to not contact him, however I feel for him as last night, he claimed he stayed in his car?! he hasnt got anywhere else unless he goes to a friend on a caravan park as his friend is the manager, I am so sad, he was meant to be my one and only and he is being shared out to all these women. He says I try to control him, I dont feel I do I am just very caring and look out for his best interests, I cant help but feel this is an excuse. I am worried as if he goes I have bills to pay and most of them are his..., but hang on he has up and left because he has got caught red handed!!! he told me he wouldnt text women like that again last time and he did it, but then blames me!!!! I am livid! but feel let down and hurt. He has a temper, so will leave him to cool as he gets stressed, just wondereing where he is? I am losing trust and wondering y he would lie to me. Y message girls in the first place? he said he misses them, his friends!!!! I am shattered and tired of feeling like this already... how much longer till he contacts and what sould I say?? Thank you.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 My husband of six years pulled more severe bull**** last year (however it was in the same vein). Guess where he stayed: outside until he got a car. Then he stayed in that for about 3 months. It was entirely his choice and he didn't respect any relational boundaries. He claimed that it was about control as well. He couldn't keep himself together whatsoever. Guess what? He created the circumstance and the outcome. He also survived and got a very nice, hard-learned and hard-earned grip on reality. Drop this guy like some kind of Idiot-Plague because that's what he has. You are dating, no kids together. He failed the audition to become your one and only by not making you his and blameshifting his bs. I am not saying that it doesn't hurt like Hell to drop someone off of the face of the Earth in these instances. It absolutely does. But rescuing someone from the choices they make is as bad as making their choices for them. It only leads to faulty expectations, resent and disaster. And typically for nothing. What would he learn from you taking him back in? Maybe even apologizing? He would learn that he can treat a girl like crap, text as many girls as he wants and make it all your fault. With your rescuing and a nice place to stay. There are much worse places to stay then a car. If you are worried about him, tell him to sleep in Mormon Church parking lots and put blankets in the windows to block out the light. No one will bother him and it's actually pretty comfy. Suggest a breast-feeding pillow too, those ones work better with the curve of the seat. Other then that, have no contact. 2
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) ... I feel for him as last night, he claimed he stayed in his car?! GOOD! serve him right!! he hasnt got anywhere else unless he goes to a friend on a caravan park as his friend is the manager, Let him do that, then - i'm sure he has got somewhere else though.... I am so sad, he was meant to be my one and only and he is being shared out to all these women. well, let them deal with the fallout. if he was supposed to be your one and only, he obviously didn't read the small-pprint about commitment, cheating and lying... He says I try to control him, I dont feel I do I am just very caring and look out for his best interests, I cant help but feel this is an excuse. he probably saw it as stifling, needy and clingy.... I am worried as if he goes I have bills to pay and most of them are his if they're in his name, you can't be held responsible. ..., but hang on he has up and left because he has got caught red handed!!! he told me he wouldnt text women like that again last time and he did it, but then blames me!!!! I am livid! but feel let down and hurt. then don'y go all weedy, clingy and wussy. stand up for yourself, because his behaviour demonstrates someone unworthy of your attentions.... He has a temper, so will leave him to cool as he gets stressed, just wondereing where he is? who cares?! If he has a temper, he cheats, he lies, he's unfaithful... why would you even want to give him head-room?! I am losing trust and wondering y he would lie to me. because he thought he could. this is why cheaters and liars, cheat and lie. because they want to... Y message girls in the first place? he said he misses them, his friends!!!! I am shattered and tired of feeling like this already. Oh please hun... stop now.... word of advice - read the thread as if you were a complete stranger - tell me, is he worth your angst? No, I don't think so.... .. how much longer till he contacts and what should I say?? "Why are you contacting me? it's over! get lost and go find your floozy girlfriends, I don't want to hear from you any more, ever!!" should cover it amply.... Edited April 8, 2012 by TaraMaiden
Author Josalina Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Your right, thanks tara. just worried about what others are going to say or think, we come across so perfect for each other, so many weddings to attend, work etc, its embarrassing. Thank you for you feedback, you are right, I am just feeling a bit voluble an acting like a pathetic wous. I deserve better.
EgoJoe Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 When others ask you tell them point blank that he was a liar, most likely a cheater and that you are glad to be rid of him.
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