GetTheClou Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Howdy, first time for me seeking advice online, maybe there is some valid information to gain. So I met a woman (surprise). As early as in our 2nd date she told me that she doesnt want a relationship at the moment. I was like "what the ****". This lead me to tell her right away that I'm not looking for a "friendship" (or whatever you may call it). We still continued dating, texted, had phone calls, there was mutual sexual tension, we came closer, we kissed, typical stuff, all based on mutual initiation. This lasted for about 6 weeks. Last date I tried to seal the deal and even though I'm 99% positive that she also wanted it she kindly rejected me, which somewhat hurt my ego (lol) but was ok for me. She told me again that she doesnt want a relationship, and I told her again that I dont seek friendship. We parted somewhat cold, it seemed the tension was gone and actually I thought I'd never hear from her again. But surprise, it didnt even take a full week when she got back to me, shortly telling me that "we should forget what happened" and switched back to our regular communication mode. Uhm. I must say that she touched my heart a little bit which is the only reason why I'm thinking about this at all (plus I'm somewhat ****ed up with the whole dating stuff). However I don't intend to be her "friend" nor her object of boredom. There are some indications that she has been hurt a lot in her previous relationships and that she was on the verge of creating an emotional bond with me but backed off to protect herself from hurt. based on your experiences is it worth pursuing or should I drop her?
counterman Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Hi and welcome to LS I've had no experience with this but for what it's worth, I think you should just let her go. She has already said it, she doesn't want a relationship. I say back off and in the future, if she can say she wants one, she'll let you know. But for the time being, let her sort her own issues out, while you continue dating other girls, girls who would want to be in relationships with you. 1
wwwjd Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Best to move on. Not as good, but makes you feel big: try to FIX her. Don't recommend it but do what you got to do You KNOW what you are seeking. You don't go to the store to get watermelon, pick up a grapefruit that is telling you "Hey, I'm halfway like a watermelon, I'm juicey, have color, and taste good, so I am very much like a water melon" and be happy with that. Is that what you wanted? When I first read your post, I thought, "She's got someone else" which is why she doesn't want to go there. BUT, you can get lined up nicely as a "backup guy" in case 1st place doesn't work out. Common Practice. OR, you are right and her progress is messed up from her emotionally abusive past screwing things up for her. Here's where you man up and "Fix" her with power, direction, tough love, and tender support. I wish you luck with that. I've done that a couple times, but that was enough to learn my lesson and I'll avoid that stuff for the rest of my life now. But maybe it is worth it to some people.
hfit Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Howdy, first time for me seeking advice online, maybe there is some valid information to gain. So I met a woman (surprise). As early as in our 2nd date she told me that she doesnt want a relationship at the moment. I was like "what the ****". This lead me to tell her right away that I'm not looking for a "friendship" (or whatever you may call it). We still continued dating, texted, had phone calls, there was mutual sexual tension, we came closer, we kissed, typical stuff, all based on mutual initiation. This lasted for about 6 weeks. Last date I tried to seal the deal and even though I'm 99% positive that she also wanted it she kindly rejected me, which somewhat hurt my ego (lol) but was ok for me. She told me again that she doesnt want a relationship, and I told her again that I dont seek friendship. We parted somewhat cold, it seemed the tension was gone and actually I thought I'd never hear from her again. But surprise, it didnt even take a full week when she got back to me, shortly telling me that "we should forget what happened" and switched back to our regular communication mode. Uhm. I must say that she touched my heart a little bit which is the only reason why I'm thinking about this at all (plus I'm somewhat ****ed up with the whole dating stuff). However I don't intend to be her "friend" nor her object of boredom. There are some indications that she has been hurt a lot in her previous relationships and that she was on the verge of creating an emotional bond with me but backed off to protect herself from hurt. based on your experiences is it worth pursuing or should I drop her? How much do you want to be in a relationship with her and how patient are you/can you be? Everything I bolded, to me, it sounds like she's batteling with herself if she wants to give romance a try or slink off to the side and lick her wounds from past failed relationship attempts. Everytime she has said she didn't want a relationship, you countered that you didn't want just friendship...and even when she ejected out, she's the one who contacted you again. I think the potential is there, so, again, it depends...how much do want to be in a relationship with her and how long can you wait for her to allow her emotional blocks to be knocked down?
Author GetTheClou Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 interesting aspects. It's a tough call for me. I truly believe that she would be worth the wait as she combines most things I'm looking for in women from the character perspective and she is hot lol. On the other hand I also have my libido and there are other fish in the sea. I have an intrinsic dislike for the "waiting in line" thing. Happened to me in my younger days, didnt realize it back then and it sucked. I know what I bring to the table as a man nowadays so I dont really need to wait in line. But as I said, she touched my heart...at the moment I could still back out without being emotionally hurt myself, as always it's a risk. My decision would be based on the estimated time frames involved to "fix" her. Basically, when I should setup our next date and how many dates before giving it a final shot for intercourse. Suggestions?
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