confused2314 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) Hey, As per my previous post me and my partner are considering separation but things have improved a little bit. So to cut a long story short we had a fight yesterday and I ended up breaking down and I brought the subject of a friend she had last year when we were going though a rough patch. My wife all of a sudden became best of friends with another guy from her work and she would do anything for him. She kept telling me he had a hot body and wished I could be like that. He would ring my wife up randomly at night and ask for a pack of smokes or grog and then she would drop everything and go and get those things for him and usually end up getting home at 11pm+ sometimes a bit tipsy. She did so much for him I wondered if he was more than a friend. One afternoon she rang me and said she is driving her friend 4 hours to the next city so he could pick up his dog and then they would drive back. So she did 8 hours driving for a friend on a whim one afternoon after she had worked 8 hours and then she got back home very late. I am not a jealous or suspicious guy but after two months of this I thought I better facebook friend this guy to see what he looked like. He was lean and muscular and posted a lot of sexual references on his FB page and he had quite a few women posting on his page. Quite the player. So she was catching up with him several times a week and then he got caught by the local police doing 200 kilometers over the speed limit TWICE IN A WEEK on a motorbike then lost his licence for a period of 5 years. She started driving him to work too. Then he bought another REALLY fast motorbike with cash and started secretly riding it everywhere although he was legally forbidden too. Then one night he had a high speed accident and completely demolished a concrete light pole. He was incredibly lucky he wasn't killed. He went into hiding because when the police found the wreckage they lifted the VIN and linked it back to him, obviously he had broken the ban so they put an APB out on him. I asked her a lot if she was cheating on me but she said no and I believed her they were just friends. My wife hasn't seen him since and just forgot about him. ANYWAYS, during this argument when I broke down I took a stab in the dark and said 'you were friends with him because you were hoping he would give you a way out of our marriage and hoping he would be your next man' she gasped and tears came to her eyes then she suppressed them. So I had found the truth. I asked her again if she had slept with him and she said no. I believed her but was a little worried because when I asked her if she liked this guy and wanted something to happen weeks before she said NO, but then told me the truth as above and that she did want him to be the one. This situation has happened about twice before with different guys and I have always trusted her but now I am wondering. How can I know or find out if she has cheated? I have ALWAYS been faithful to her and thought she was faithful to me but i wonder. Is there anything I can say to ensure that she did not cheat? Has anyone on the forum got experience in this and can advise? Have you been cheated on (or cheated) and does any of the above look familiar? Thanks in advance for any help.. Edited April 8, 2012 by confused2314
rejected_lost Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I'm not an expert in this nor am I married but I know how confusion of this sort can drive one nuts... I'd say if you truly love this woman, trust her and do not judge her unless you are 100% sure she cheated on you. You say as things between the both of you got better, she just forgot about that guy which shows that you matter to her more than him and that you are her priority. Talk it out with her and tell her that you do not like her getting close to someone else even when you two are going through a tough time and that you have always been honest and faithful to her and that you expect the same. Wish you well man...
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I'm not an expert in this nor am I married but I know how confusion of this sort can drive one nuts... I'd say if you truly love this woman, trust her and do not judge her unless you are 100% sure she cheated on you. I don't know if I agree with this....when someone who supposedly cares about you says things like " he had a hot body and wished I could be like that." and jumps out of bed to go get things for him, that just reeks of disrespect. Even if there is no physical cheating going on this is not the type of behavior that a loving couple shows one another. This "Friend" thing is a disaster waiting to happen, if it has not happened already. The only respectful thing for her to do is drop all contact with this guy. What if it was the other way around? What if the husband was doing all of these things for a female "friend"? Listen to your gut. I hope I am wrong, but from what you have posted here this does not look good at all.
CarrieT Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Based on what you wrote, I'd put even money down on the fact that she slept with him. Yep....
Author confused2314 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 thank you everyone for the help and advice. I have confirmed after reading the responses and deciding it was worth investigating further that she has given the above guy a hand job and a blow job. Who knows if there is more she isn't telling me because she only admitted this when I asked some direct questions. Can you guys continue to advise on this matter? This is my first marriage and first relationship and I have never been through anything like this before. Please advise on this new thread -> "http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/321279-vanilla-sex-considered-cheating#post3927040" I have given you guys direct credit for helping me see the truth.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 thank you everyone for the help and advice. I have confirmed after reading the responses and deciding it was worth investigating further that she has given the above guy a hand job and a blow job. Who knows if there is more she isn't telling me because she only admitted this when I asked some direct questions. Can you guys continue to advise on this matter? This is my first marriage and first relationship and I have never been through anything like this before. Please advise on this new thread -> "http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/321279-vanilla-sex-considered-cheating#post3927040" I have given you guys direct credit for helping me see the truth. Don't fool yourself with "Is this really cheating?". Getting intimate with somebody else is crossing the line no matter how much you want to rationalize. I am sorry you found this out, but you are at a crossroads here. Is this the type of woman you want to be with? You need to evaluate everything and decide, what do you want? Good luck my friend.
Chi townD Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Dude, she dropped everything and I mean EVERYTHING to bring this guy a pack of smokes. She drove 8 hours a a whim to get a dog. She would bend over backwards for another guy. Doing more things than any wife would do for a husband. Maybe they slept together, maybe they didn't. It's obvious she had an attachment to this guy that she shouldn't have had. And is also obvious that he was using her to get things for him...smokes, dog....whatever, and without question. Therefore, it has to be said if he knew he had her wrapped around his little finger sooo tightly, he could have asked her for ANYTHING and she would have given it to him.....even herself.
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