Looks matter a lot!

[Ruby Slippers]

Reality check: women want a man with confidence and who makes them laugh. It's that simple.

Basically, that's true. Confidence signifies a man who is whole with himself. Making me laugh signifies a man who cares about me and wants to make me happy, see me smile. That's the foundation.

 

Sitting some feet away was a jealous looking guy that looked good enough to be a model for Esquire magazine. I'm thinking the Tom Green dude knew how to make the women laugh, while the model-guy was self-absorbed and couldn't crack a joke to save his life.

Yeah, I see it all the time. A few super hot guys sitting there surveying the room but looking too cool to interact with anyone but each other. And the normal dudes are talking to the girls and making us glow. Who do you think wins? I'm actually starting to feel sorry for those hot, holier-than-thou guys. They're missing the party.

 

To all the guys out there: have confidence and make women laugh. You'll get further with women than you will with looks alone.

Absolutely. If you make a blithering fool of yourself at first, laugh about it and move on. To get good at anything, you have to practice, and you might get some scrapes at first. You'll get over it.

[jobaba]

You do know it's TV right?

 

That would never happening IRL.

 

He's not a bad looking dude.

 

They could totally be a couple in real life. I've seen WAY more disparate than that. It's all your mentality. Go to other forums and get out in real life a bit and you'll see not everybody thinks of people with a number on their head from 1-10 indicating their attractiveness.

[ptp]

The problem with this whole "Confidence gets you women" theory is that it is a chicken and egg type problem. To have confidence, a guy needs success with women, however to achieve that success he has to be confident.

 

If a guy is the good looking blonde hair blue eyed quarterback in the HS, all he has received is positive reinforcement from women. So, it isn't that hard for him to be confident.

 

However, if you were the nerdy kid, who was in the math club and all you have received is negative reinforcement from women. It is very hard to generate any confidence coming from that type of situation.

 

I am open to being wrong, but based on what I have seen confidence is important yet overrated. You can be the most confident guy in the world, but if you aren't attractive you still won't garner a lot of female attention. Confidence just improves your chances slightly.

 

If I think of all the guys I know who are very successful with women, they all are physically very attractive. I don't know, nor have I ever met even one guy who is unattractive and gets girls. That is just anecdotal evidence, so I would love to know if other people don't agree.

Edited April 8, 2012 by ptp

[Oxy Moronovich]

The problem with this whole "Confidence gets you women" theory is that it is a chicken and egg type problem. To have confidence, a guy needs success with women, however to achieve that success he has to be confident.

 

If a guy is the good looking blonde hair blue eyed quarterback in the HS, all he has received is positive reinforcement from women. So, it isn't that hard for him to be confident.

 

However, if you were the nerdy kid, who was in the math club and all you have received is negative reinforcement from women. It is very hard to generate any confidence coming from that type of situation.

 

I am open to being wrong, but based on what I have seen confidence is important yet overrated. You can be the most confident guy in the world, but if you aren't attractive you still won't garner a lot of female attention. Confidence just improves your chances slightly.

 

If I think of all the guys I know who are very successful with women, they all are physically very attractive. I don't know, nor have I ever met even one guy who is unattractive and gets girls. That is just anecdotal evidence, so I would love to know if other people don't agree.

I disagree. I'm average-looking. But I get women. I know plenty of average-looking guys who get women. I'm still pretty much the nerd I was from high school. I had girls who liked me in high school.

 

Gaining confidence with women is similar to gaining skills in other things. It's like learning how to write, learning how to drive a car, or gaining computer skills to navigate the internet and use Microsoft Office. When you first started, you were bad at it and had no confidence. You made several mistakes. But you kept at it and eventually you became good at it enough for you to gain confidence in your skills.

 

It's the same with meeting women. When you first start approaching them, you suck at it and have no confidence. You'll deal with many rejections. Eventually, you'll gain confidence in it.

 

You guys SERIOUSLY need to get over this "only guys who have xyz physical attributes get women" complaining. It's getting tiresome.

[Necromancer]

The problem with this whole "Confidence gets you women" theory is that it is a chicken and egg type problem. To have confidence, a guy needs success with women, however to achieve that success he has to be confident.

 

If a guy is the good looking blonde hair blue eyed quarterback in the HS, all he has received is positive reinforcement from women. So, it isn't that hard for him to be confident.

 

However, if you were the nerdy kid, who was in the math club and all you have received is negative reinforcement from women. It is very hard to generate any confidence coming from that type of situation.

 

I am open to being wrong, but based on what I have seen confidence is important yet overrated. You can be the most confident guy in the world, but if you aren't attractive you still won't garner a lot of female attention. Confidence just improves your chances slightly.

 

If I think of all the guys I know who are very successful with women, they all are physically very attractive. I don't know, nor have I ever met even one guy who is unattractive and gets girls. That is just anecdotal evidence, so I would love to know if other people don't agree.

 

I totally agree!, it´s pain in the ass to get rejected over and over.

 

I have never seen an below average looking guy get much girl attention.

[AD1980]

The problem with this whole "Confidence gets you women" theory is that it is a chicken and egg type problem. To have confidence, a guy needs success with women, however to achieve that success he has to be confident.

 

If a guy is the good looking blonde hair blue eyed quarterback in the HS, all he has received is positive reinforcement from women. So, it isn't that hard for him to be confident.

 

However, if you were the nerdy kid, who was in the math club and all you have received is negative reinforcement from women. It is very hard to generate any confidence coming from that type of situation.

 

I am open to being wrong, but based on what I have seen confidence is important yet overrated. You can be the most confident guy in the world, but if you aren't attractive you still won't garner a lot of female attention. Confidence just improves your chances slightly.

 

If I think of all the guys I know who are very successful with women, they all are physically very attractive. I don't know, nor have I ever met even one guy who is unattractive and gets girls. That is just anecdotal evidence, so I would love to know if other people don't agree.

 

I agree women are just as if not more shallow then men yet want to claim some moral superiority in judging the opposite gender.My good looking male friends get treated like kings even by married women in my social circle

[verhrzn]

If you're so unattractive, and believe that confidence doesn't work, then you have two options. 1) Date unattractive women. 2) Get a job that pays a lot of money.

 

Ta-da, you now have girls interested in you.

[MrNate 2.0]

I think women are actually more visual than men personally. How many times do you hear of a woman noticing a womans change of hair or nail polish when it doesn't even register with a man?

 

I personally find this a big misconception. I think women are VERY visual.

 

Here, Here.

 

Investing in your looks as a man is something that should not be overlooked. Look around you, it's clear that those who do seem to have things happen easier for them.

[somedude81]

The problem with this whole "Confidence gets you women" theory is that it is a chicken and egg type problem. To have confidence, a guy needs success with women, however to achieve that success he has to be confident.

 

If a guy is the good looking blonde hair blue eyed quarterback in the HS, all he has received is positive reinforcement from women. So, it isn't that hard for him to be confident.

 

However, if you were the nerdy kid, who was in the math club and all you have received is negative reinforcement from women. It is very hard to generate any confidence coming from that type of situation.

 

I disagree. I'm average-looking. But I get women. I know plenty of average-looking guys who get women. I'm still pretty much the nerd I was from high school. I had girls who liked me in high school.

 

Gaining confidence with women is similar to gaining skills in other things. It's like learning how to write, learning how to drive a car, or gaining computer skills to navigate the internet and use Microsoft Office. When you first started, you were bad at it and had no confidence. You made several mistakes. But you kept at it and eventually you became good at it enough for you to gain confidence in your skills.

 

It's the same with meeting women. When you first start approaching them, you suck at it and have no confidence. You'll deal with many rejections. Eventually, you'll gain confidence in it.

That doesn't actually go against what PTP said.

 

You were lucky enough to have women into you so you got positive reinforcement from women and that built up your confidence.

 

Do you think you'd feel the same if girls never liked you?

 

Getting that positive reinforcement is easier if you are good looking, but some times, a guy can luck out and find a girl who likes him even if he isn't. Then he gets his confidence built up and learns how to properly interact with women and it will be easier to getting the next one.

 

But in the beginning, it's all about luck.

[ptp]

I disagree. I'm average-looking. But I get women. I know plenty of average-looking guys who get women. I'm still pretty much the nerd I was from high school. I had girls who liked me in high school.

 

Gaining confidence with women is similar to gaining skills in other things. It's like learning how to write, learning how to drive a car, or gaining computer skills to navigate the internet and use Microsoft Office. When you first started, you were bad at it and had no confidence. You made several mistakes. But you kept at it and eventually you became good at it enough for you to gain confidence in your skills.

 

It's the same with meeting women. When you first start approaching them, you suck at it and have no confidence. You'll deal with many rejections. Eventually, you'll gain confidence in it.

 

You guys SERIOUSLY need to get over this "only guys who have xyz physical attributes get women" complaining. It's getting tiresome.

 

Okay, you have your view and I have mine. We can only go by what we have experienced right? So why get annoyed instead of trying to understand where the other person is coming from.

 

I can only relate what I have experienced, I was on the football team and in the math club and it is like being in 2 different worlds.

 

 

If you're so unattractive, and believe that confidence doesn't work, then you have two options. 1) Date unattractive women. 2) Get a job that pays a lot of money.

 

Ta-da, you now have girls interested in your money.

 

FIFY

[Necromancer]

I disagree. I'm average-looking. But I get women. I know plenty of average-looking guys who get women. I'm still pretty much the nerd I was from high school. I had girls who liked me in high school.

 

Gaining confidence with women is similar to gaining skills in other things. It's like learning how to write, learning how to drive a car, or gaining computer skills to navigate the internet and use Microsoft Office. When you first started, you were bad at it and had no confidence. You made several mistakes. But you kept at it and eventually you became good at it enough for you to gain confidence in your skills.

 

It's the same with meeting women. When you first start approaching them, you suck at it and have no confidence. You'll deal with many rejections. Eventually, you'll gain confidence in it.

 

You guys SERIOUSLY need to get over this "only guys who have xyz physical attributes get women" complaining. It's getting tiresome.

 

confidence is gained by success...not by getting rejected over and over like piece of a crap i got rejected 100% of the time when i was 14-16 and hell i have been rejected by a girl i tough was fat and ugly and the reason was that i wasn't good looking enough for her.....wth?

 

I look allot better now and get more attention.

 

But the things i learn from that is to not give a crap about what girls think of you.

[Oxy Moronovich]

That doesn't actually go against what PTP said.

 

You were lucky enough to have women into you so you got positive reinforcement from women and that built up your confidence.

 

Do you think you'd feel the same if girls never liked you?

 

Getting that positive reinforcement is easier if you are good looking, but some times, a guy can luck out and find a girl who likes him even if he isn't. Then he gets his confidence built up and learns how to properly interact with women and it will be easier to getting the next one.

 

But in the beginning, it's all about luck.

Are you guys seriously telling me that women never showed one shred of interest in you?

 

Okay, you have your view and I have mine. We can only go by what we have experienced right? So why get annoyed instead of trying to understand where the other person is coming from.

 

I can only relate what I have experienced, I was on the football team and in the math club and it is like being in 2 different worlds.

I understand your experiences. I'm trying to tell you that it's not hopeless. I'm telling you that you have what it takes to get women. What annoys me is you keep saying you do not.

 

confidence is gained by success...not by getting rejected over and over like piece of a crap i got rejected 100% of the time when i was 14-16 and hell i have been rejected by a girl i tough was fat and ugly and the reason was that i wasn't good looking enough for her.....wth?

 

I look allot better now and get more attention.

 

But the things i learn from that is to not give a crap about what girls think of you.

Confidence is gained by believing in yourself.

[stitch702]

Looks do in fact matter in the beginning, but looks can only get you so far. Personalities, character, and how compatible you two are make relationships last.

 

However I've seen a lot of below average guys end up with gorgeous women. In my observations these relationships occur because the couple has known each other for quite some time now before the relationship even occured. My mother knew my father for her entire childhood. They were neighbors and hung around within the same crowd when they were growing up. I have to admit, my father isn't the best looking guy, but he has amazing character and personality. My mother on the other hand was a swim suit model and beauty contestant in the Philippines. My mother always tells me that my father wasn't the best looking guy she ever dated, but she was attracted to his ambition, character, and that he treated her very well and more than what she deserved.

 

Looks are in fact great, but looks always fade. You always want to find somebody that you can really connect with on a personal level.

[somedude81]

Are you guys seriously telling me that women never showed one shred of interest in you?

You haven't been paying attention to my posts have you?

 

In my entire life, I knew of three girls. All three were obese and I ended up 'dating' one for two weeks, no sex. That was the only 'relationship' I've ever had, only girl I've kissed and so on.

[Necris]

I disagree. I'm average-looking. But I get women. I know plenty of average-looking guys who get women. I'm still pretty much the nerd I was from high school. I had girls who liked me in high school.

 

Gaining confidence with women is similar to gaining skills in other things. It's like learning how to write, learning how to drive a car, or gaining computer skills to navigate the internet and use Microsoft Office. When you first started, you were bad at it and had no confidence. You made several mistakes. But you kept at it and eventually you became good at it enough for you to gain confidence in your skills.

 

It's the same with meeting women. When you first start approaching them, you suck at it and have no confidence. You'll deal with many rejections. Eventually, you'll gain confidence in it.

 

You guys SERIOUSLY need to get over this "only guys who have xyz physical attributes get women" complaining. It's getting tiresome.

 

 

You actually had girls interested in you, if you are like me you would have had no females ever interested in you in your entire life (or at least to my knowledge), and very few friends. The most I could ever hope for is being a friend. So I'm at a severe disadvantage I don't even know what a girl liking me would look like. Gaining confidence feels near impossible. How can you be confident if you have failed every single time you tried? That's like me giving you a test involving high-level theoretical physics and you have already failed 28 times will you be confident on your 29th try? I've tried amplifying the confidence along with the humor and that still didn't seem to get any results. So I feel that I'm either socially retarded or unattractive or both.

[prune juice]

confidence is gained by success...not by getting rejected over and over like piece of a crap i got rejected 100% of the time when i was 14-16 and hell i have been rejected by a girl i tough was fat and ugly and the reason was that i wasn't good looking enough for her.....wth?

 

I look allot better now and get more attention.

 

But the things i learn from that is to not give a crap about what girls think of you.

 

why women expect us guys to gain confidence through failures is a mystery. i've had some success but i'm so done with the games that i'm just going for sex now. some women want guys like the programmers who's hardly gotten a date in their life to be full of confience. it's insane.

[jobaba]

Are you guys seriously telling me that women never showed one shred of interest in you?

 

 

There's lots of guys who never get female attention. There was a thread a little while ago about guys being approached by women and the responses were sparse. Of course, most guys have had a woman interested over the course of his life, but some of those guys have had to create that attraction or face a lot of rejection to get to that point.

 

You actually had girls interested in you, if you are like me you would have had no females ever interested in you in your entire life (or at least to my knowledge), and very few friends. The most I could ever hope for is being a friend. So I'm at a severe disadvantage I don't even know what a girl liking me would look like. Gaining confidence feels near impossible. How can you be confident if you have failed every single time you tried? That's like me giving you a test involving high-level theoretical physics and you have already failed 28 times will you be confident on your 29th try? I've tried amplifying the confidence along with the humor and that still didn't seem to get any results. So I feel that I'm either socially retarded or unattractive or both.

 

The answer is ... you artificially inflate your confidence. Then, once you get a woman, the confidence will be au naturale.

 

The physics analogy is also not a good one. If you take Physics 28 times and study for it 28 times, eventually, you'll ace it.

 

For women, I'd say it's more like switching majors. If you notice that you are striking out with a certain group of women with certain personalities, you approach another group. Got to get in where you fit in. Do the church group thing man!

[prune juice]

There's lots of guys who never get female attention. There was a thread a little while ago about guys being approached by women and the responses were sparse. Of course, most guys have had a woman interested over the course of his life, but some of those guys have had to create that attraction or face a lot of rejection to get to that point.

 

 

 

The answer is ... you artificially inflate your confidence. Then, once you get a woman, the confidence will be au naturale.

 

The physics analogy is also not a good one. If you take Physics 28 times and study for it 28 times, eventually, you'll ace it.

 

For women, I'd say it's more like switching majors. If you notice that you are striking out with a certain group of women with certain personalities, you approach another group. Got to get in where you fit in. Do the church group thing man!

 

women can see through that. fake confidence isn't good. physics doesn't chage. women are moving targets and complienting one will get you sex and complimenting another will creep her out big time.

[verhrzn]

Maybe you guys DID have girls interested in you, and you never noticed. I need two hands to count the number of times in the last few months I've struck up a conversation with a guy who I thought was cute/interesting, only for it to descend into the guy complaining how the hot girls don't notice him, how girls only want jerks, etc.

 

Um, hello, flesh and blood female TALKING to you?! But maybe cause I'm not a "top shelf" girl, I don't count. *Gives up*

[prune juice]

Maybe you guys DID have girls interested in you, and you never noticed. I need two hands to count the number of times in the last few months I've struck up a conversation with a guy who I thought was cute/interesting, only for it to descend into the guy complaining how the hot girls don't notice him, how girls only want jerks, etc.

 

Um, hello, flesh and blood female TALKING to you?! But maybe cause I'm not a "top shelf" girl, I don't count. *Gives up*

 

i hear you verhrzn. most guys don't notice women's nonverbal cues well. you're one of the real ones from what i gather. you say what you mean even if it isn't popular. that i dig.

[loversquarrel]

I always see women here comment...."you need more confidence", "it´s your bad aura that is unattractive", and so on....

 

I laugh at that answers like that!, because in reality there are VERY few people that have some unattractive vipe.

 

Most guy´s don´t have a outstanding personality and never will.

 

I have seen TOTAL LOSERS with pretty face get A LOT of girls....guy´s that have no personality and socially awkward.

 

Female friend told me one time "if a guy´s face is unattractive there is nothing he can do". Face is 80% of the attraction.

 

Btw guy´s that think they are friendzoned because they are to "nice" are total losers....it´s because there is a lack of a physical attraction.

 

 

I can tell you are young.....to put it simply - yes, physical attraction gets them hooked, however its the good personality that reels them in. ****ty personalities will only take people so far - same goes for women btw. Also, IMO - I would rather have a decent looking woman with a fun personality than a scorcher who acts like she just took a giant bite out of a **** sandwich - hands down.

[ptp]

I understand your experiences. I'm trying to tell you that it's not hopeless. I'm telling you that you have what it takes to get women. What annoys me is you keep saying you do not.

 

Wait a second, when did I say it was hopeless? I know I have what it takes to get women. Put away your jump to conclusions mat .

 

I keep saying I don't have what it takes to get women? Where?

 

All I am doing is giving a little bit of my perspective that confidence isn't the magic elixir that people make it out it to be.

 

"Just have confidence" is akin to telling an alcoholic "Just quit drinking". A lot easier said than done.

[january2011]

Yes, the package is important for attraction.

 

But if it was of sole importance, then only top models and boy band members would ever find themselves in relationships.

 

And since that's clearly not the case, 'Mr Average' must have a lot more going for him that transcends his physical appearance.

[somedude81]

The answer is ... you artificially inflate your confidence. Then, once you get a woman, the confidence will be au naturale.

How? Alcohol, drugs, hookers? Repeatedly saying, I am the prize?

 

Maybe you guys DID have girls interested in you, and you never noticed.

Doesn't really help me much if I never pick up on the interest.

 

I'll never forget the time in Jack in the Box when a girl approached me and told me that her friend had a crush on me back in High School. If I had actually known back then, I could have gotten to know the girl and assuming she was halfway decent looking, I would have gone out with her.

 

I need two hands to count the number of times in the last few months I've struck up a conversation with a guy who I thought was cute/interesting, only for it to descend into the guy complaining how the hot girls don't notice him, how girls only want jerks, etc.

 

Um, hello, flesh and blood female TALKING to you?! But maybe cause I'm not a "top shelf" girl, I don't count. *Gives up*

If that keeps happening, then your approach or conversation topics are completely off.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I never had random girls approach or start conversations with me. It's only been friends or coworkers that I know have BF's or don't want to date.

[prune juice]

Yes, the package is important for attraction.

 

But if it was of sole importance, then only top models and boy band members would ever find themselves in relationships.

 

And since that's clearly not the case, 'Mr Average' must have a lot more going for him that transcends his physical appearance.

 

what must mr average have?