HungUp Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 A girl I have a crush on and I asked for time off from has reached to me with a text saying "I just want to let you know that I still want to be your friend and be there for you". The wound is still very fresh. I didn't tell her how I felt. She has a boyfriend and I just told her I had issues I needed to deal with and wanted some time off. What do I reply? To keep it simple and in a way that I don't need to reply anymore if she keeps texting. I do want to go back to being her friend eventually. We've been friends a long time. I just want to deal with my feelings and move on without feeling this attachment to her.
Frank13 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Don't reply at all. She knows what the situation is so there is no need to reply. When someone says they want to be friends, it means they don't have romantic feelings for you. You need time to heal and get over her. You already told her that. It was selfish of her to contact you, but now you know she doesn't feel the same as you. It is like when someone says "I love you but I am not in love with you". That actually means "I don't love you and I am not in love with you, but I want to take the nice way out by saying that I love you because we both know that means I don't have to be with you like I would if I said I was in love with you".
Author HungUp Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Haha, thanks for this, but too late. My reply was "Thank you, I appreciate your message. I just need some time to work through my problems and sort myself out. I'll be OK soon." The reason i said that is because I don't want to burn any bridges. I didn't tell her out right that I had feelings for her and I guess she just thinks I'm dealing with some stuffs that isn't about her. I know she's out of reach for me and I just need to accept that it'll never happen and just be her friend. I won't keep texting though. In a way I think she just wants to check up on me and I feel kind of good she does care on some level. It won't help me get over her any quicker, but it's as good as it gets for now.
Frank13 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I know she's out of reach for me and I just need to accept that it'll never happen and just be her friend. Don't say you were never warned. Trying to be her friend while you have feelings for her is setting yourself up for pain, suffering, agony, and misery. It will only get worse and worse. You will start feeling jealousy and start arguments and say hateful things that you have no right to. In the end the friendship will end and she will remember you as a creepy, psycho pathetic man.
Author HungUp Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Don't say you were never warned. Trying to be her friend while you have feelings for her is setting yourself up for pain, suffering, agony, and misery. It will only get worse and worse. You will start feeling jealousy and start arguments and say hateful things that you have no right to. In the end the friendship will end and she will remember you as a creepy, psycho pathetic man. Oh yes, I am well aware of this. I have decided to take the time off to get over my feelings. If I can't, I don't plan to make myself much available to her anymore in the future. Right now is all about letting go of expectations and I hope I do it soon.
perryb13 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 If you guys were meant to be friends, it will happen once you get over your more-than-friendly feelings for her. These guys are right, trust me, I know from experience. I tried to jump directly into being friends with an ex that I had been friends with before because a) I did truly want to be friends and b) it helped fill that hole normally occupied with the relationship that we used to have. While option a) is legitmate, that pesky option b) always creeps in, no matter how much you tell yourself you won't let it. In short, you have to get over your feelings for her, or it will never be possible to be friends with her. Feelings that aren't given time to go away will keep coming back and things will never ever get better. Ever. It sucks to let her go for now, but trust me, there's a reason that NC is the first thing EVERYONE on this site suggests. Because it works. My first girlfriend in high school, who I dated for 2 years then she ended it once we went to college, said she still wanted to be friends. I used it as an opportunity to keep my feelings for her alive even though it was never going to work. She actually did ME a favor by not answering my texts or calls. It upset me greatly at first, but you know what, after a week, I felt like a free man again. Hope this helps. Good luck and stay strong man.
flitzanu Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 she has a boyfriend, so what does it matter? you told her you wanted a break, which means you broke up with her. now she has a boyfriend. go enjoy your single life that you wanted.
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